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One loser and a 10/3 winner, that’ll do. Too awkward on the phone to put them up as I don’t make my mind up until last minute.

My sparkling wit.

Just been told by the consultant who remembers me from 2020, that I am a legendary patient! They didn’t expect me to last this long. They are going to arrange transport home for the weekend hopefully. He also told me that it is ok to have the occasional beer with this new medication.

Ian Davies, did you mean Mr Bean? It’s certainly that case that there is so much going on today that youngsters can gamble on instead of horses. I can remember when every pub had a ‘runner’ and we would keep trying out exotic multiple bets to confuse him.

It’s been my ambition to have an account closed for years, the buggers are only too happy to take my money!

Last time I was in hospital I thought a very attractive Portuguese nurse was going to give me a bed bath. Who turned up? A bloody Bert Kwouk lookalike, not now Cato!

He loved ‘Stop at a winner’ didn’t he? Not sure if he ever found one!

Very eloquent Mr Davies, not at all like your usual standard.

BREAKING NEWS: Police have arrested a Danish man, Lars Crismos, on suspicion of human organ trafficking.

I’m actually not even checking all selections at the moment as being in hospital I am limited to using my phone. I actually did 2 bets today, loser and a 9/4 winner so did not look any further. I am well aware of the gambler’s fallacy but like to defy it! Incidentally I believe in Bigfoot as well.

My selection process throws up anything from 2 to 8 possible bets per day. Very often I start with a winner and then it all disappears later. My bets are mostly less than 6/1 so a good strike rate is essential. I have recently started stopping as soon as I show a profit and I’m trying not to...

Will all end in tears!

Don’t get too hidebound with systems and trust your instincts, if in doubt, leave it out. Mind you I don’t always take my own advice!

The angel Gabriel appeared to the shepherds and said “Behold I bring you good tidings!” The shepherds replied “What tidings?” The angel said “Tidings of great joy” The shepherds said “What joy?” The angel said “Joy that a saviour is born.” The shepherds said “What saviour?” The angel said “Shut...

Similar to Ian Davies, Titus Arsoles?

My advice is to specialise in whatever your favourite type of race is, handicap or novice, maybe top grade. This way it cuts the number of bets down. Keep records as detailed as possible to see what works. Avoid ‘talking horses’ they are never value and often disappoint. I use a simple rule of...

Mind you I did have a reputation for charming the rabbits out of the trees.

There’s only one girl for me and she should be Prime Minister. Never had much success with the girls. Up until I was 25 thought my name was Onyerbike!

I don’t want to blame Nico but he is bound to be apprehensive and this could well be picked up by the horse.

Woken up by a very pretty Indian nurse. Think I’m in love again!