A Chav Nativity.

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There's this bird called Mary, yeah? She's a virgin (wossat then?) She's not married or nuffink, but she's got this boyfriend, Joe, innit?
He does joinery an' that. Mary lives with him in a crib dahn Nazaref.
One day Mary meets this bloke Gabriel. She's like `Oo ya lookin at?'
Gabriel just goes 'You got one up the duff, you have.' Mary's totally gobsmacked. She gives it to him large 'Stop dissin' me yeah? I ain't no Kappa-slapper. I never bin wiv no one!'

So Mary goes and sees her cousin Liz, who's six months gone herself.
Liz is largin' it. She's filled with spirits, Barcardi Breezers an'
that.

She's like 'Orright, Mary, I can feel me bay-bee in me tummy and I reckon I'm well blessed. Think of all the extra benefits an' that we are gonna get.' Mary goes 'Yeah, s'pose you're right'

Mary an' Joe ain't got no money so they have to ponse a donkey, an' go dahn Bethlehem on that. They get to this pub an' Mary wants to stop, yeah? To have her bay-bee an' that.

But there ain't no room at the inn, innit? So Mary an' Joe break an'
enter into this garridge, only it's filled wiv animals. Cahs an' sheep an' that.

Then these three geezers turn up, looking proper bling, wiv crowns on their heads. They're like `Respect, bay-bee Jesus', an' say they're wise men from the East End.

Joe goes: 'If you're so wise, wotchoo doin' wiv this Frankenstein an'
myrrh? Why dincha just bring gold, Adidas and Burberry?' It's all about to kick off when Gabriel turns up again an' sez he's got another message from this Lord geezer.

He's like 'The police is comin an' they're killin all the bay-bees.
You better nash off to Egypt.' Joe goes 'You must be monged if you think I'm goin' dahn Egypt on a minging donkey'

Gabriel sez 'Suit yerself, pal. But it's your look out if you stay.' So they go dahn Egypt till they've stopped killin the first-born an' it's safe an' that.

Then Joe and Mary and Jesus go back to Nazaref, an' Jesus turns water into Stella.

HAPPY CHRISTMAS
 
"They're like, 'Respect, bay-bee Jesus'... " :lol: :lol:

Okay, who's going to be first to make themselves a lorra-lorra dosh by whizzing out some pc-generated Christmas cards with that scene, yeah?
 
You're not finding anything funny at the moment, dearest. I suspect you've been overfaced this year, and after a bit of roughing-off over the winter, you'll be back with zip and zest in the Spring. I also suggest a change from red wine, which is very darkening to one's moods, back to straight malts, as a short-term fix.
 
If something like that had been written about any other religion I think

1. it would not have been posted.

2. people would not be saying how funny it was

3. the delete button would be in full swing.
 
Originally posted by krizon@Dec 10 2005, 05:53 PM
You're not finding anything funny at the moment, dearest. I suspect you've been overfaced this year, and after a bit of roughing-off over the winter, you'll be back with zip and zest in the Spring. I also suggest a change from red wine, which is very darkening to one's moods, back to straight malts, as a short-term fix.
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:o :huh: :o

You've worried me, Krizon. I thought I was the life and soul of the party these days :huh:

It's at least two days since the red stuff passed my lips and it must be two years since a malt did likewise. :huh:
 
Yes, I thought it'd been all downhill since you met me at Ascot... :lol:

I know so many people who - no, honest, I'm being serious here! - get SO grumpy after getting attached to red wine. They, like you, have dropped spirits in its favour, but are getting so much more attached to it, they're downing a bottle a day now, instead of one or two modest Scotches after din-dins. They are far the worse off for it, I think, being inclined to much choler and grumpiness. And they keep insisting the stuff's 'good for you' because it's high in anti-oxidants! So is tea, I retort sniffily, to no avail.
 
As Rabbie Burns would say:
O wad some Pow'r the giftie gie us
To see oursels as others see us
Click to expand...

It's always fascinating discovering how others' opinion of oneself often differs from one's own. Here was I gaily deluding myself that my most troubled days were behind me and that the future was going to be brighter. Now I find I'm still a humourless wee bastirt.
 
:lol: :lol: Not entirely! :lol: :lol: I sincerely hope to avoid seeing myself as others see me - the bathroom mirror tells a gravitationally sorry story, and as for the personality - oh, dear. Margaret Thatcher's nannying springs to what passes for a mind.
 
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