A Joke For Your Kids Maurice

Diamond Geezer

Diamond Geezer

Gone But Not Forgotten
Joined
May 2, 2003
Messages
13,884
Location: Primary school in Glasgow

Teacher to class: "Right class, today is Thursday, so we're going to have a general knowledge quiz. The pupil who gets the answer right can have Friday off and not come back until Tuesday." Jocky thinks "brill, ahm ace at ma general knowledge."

Teacher: "Right class, who can tell me who said "Don't ask what your country can do for you , but what you can do for your country?"Jocky shoots up his hand.Teacher looking round: "Yes Jeremy."

Jeremy (in English accent): "Yes miss, the answer is J F Kennedy, inauguration speech 1960."

Teacher: "Very good Jeremy. You may come back on Tuesday."

NEXT THURSDAY COMES AROUND, AND JOCKY IS EVEN MORE DETERMINED.

Teacher: "Who said "We will fight them on the beaches, we will fight them in the air, we will fight them at sea. But we will never surrender?" Jocky shoots up his hand shouting "I know".

Teacher looking round: "Yes Timothy."

Timothy (in posher English accent): "Yes miss, the answer is Winston Churchill, Battle of Britain speech 1941."

Teacher: "Very good Timothy, you may come back on Tuesday."

THE FOLLOWING THURSDAY COMES AROUND AND JOCKY IS VERY VEXED.

Teacher: "Who said "One small step for man, one giant leap for mankind?"
Jocky jumps up and down with both hands up, yelling "I know".

Teacher (looking round the class): "Yes Rupert."

Rupert (in frightfully plummy English accent): "Yes miss, that was Neil Armstrong, 1967, the first moon landing."

Teacher: "Very good Rupert, you may come back on Tuesday."

Jocky, who has now lost the plot, blurts out "WHERE THE F**K DID ALL THESE ENGLISH BSTDS COME FROM?"

TEACHER (looking round the class): "WHO SAID THAT?"

Jocky (Standing back up): "Bonnie Prince Charlie, Culloden, 1746. See ye Tuesday!"
 
:lol: Old but good :lol:

True story:

Glasgow primary school a few years ago. The class had been introduced to the idea of similes and for homework they had to complete a few examples. One pupil's answers came back:

As fast as f*ck.
As slow as f*ck.
As white as f*ck.
etc.
 
How about this,

I man goes into a cake shop in Glasgow and asks the assistant " Is that a custard or a merangue?" The assistant tells him "No your not wrong its a custard"

Try saying in a scottish accent.
 
It's a classic. I told it to my 2nd years just a fortnight ago and those that got it straight away were quite tickled by it.
 
Another MO................... :o

A primary teacher in Govan tells her class she is a Rangers fan. She asks her students to raise their hands if they too are Rangers fans.

Everyone raises their hands except Little Sandy. The teacher looks at him with great surprise and says "Sandy, why didn't you raise your hand?" "Because I'm not a Rangers fan" he replied.

"Well, if you are not a Rangers fan, then who are you a fan of?" "I am an Aberdeen fan and proud of it" Little Sandy replied.

Teacher said, "Why, pray tell me, are you an Aberdeen fan?" "Because my Mum is an Aberdeen fan and my Dad is an Aberdeen fan, so I'm an Aberdeen fan too."

"Well" said the teacher in an obviously annoyed tone, that is no reason for you to be an Aberdeen fan. You don't just have to be just like your parents all of the time.

What if your Mum was a prostitute and your Dad was a drug addict what would you be then?" "Then," Little Sandy smiled, "I'd be a Rangers fan."................. :lol:
 
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