A Reprimand (Verbal Warning)

simmo

simmo

Senior Jockey
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I have recently had the misfortune to have to carry out the distasteful and unpleasant task of reprimanding myself over the small matter of not having started a thread about a ridiculous subject this year. (Or indeed, any subject).

I feel it only right to share with you all the knowledge that the initial reprimand was verbal and was delivered with as much cut as I could muster, although I fear that I wasn't listening during half of the delivery and may have missed some of the most salient points.

Should it be necessary for me to deliver a second such admonishment to myself, I can further assure you that it will not be a simple matter of being given a stern talking to. Flagellation, or perhaps the erection of a simple crucifix would then become the order of the day. I may, however, require a bit of a hand with that last nail, although I'm quite certain that there will be no shortage of volunteers.

In the meantime, on behalf of myself, please accept this sincere apology for this oversight on the part of my other half and my assurance that ridiculous threads of value to no one but me (and myself) (and I) will appear with, hopefully, slightly less than frightening, but somewhat more than negligible frequency.

In closing, it is worth noting that (If I may paraphrase Warbler for a second), half of me is wondering what the other half of me is thinking half of the time.
 
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And there I was, hoping you'd start up "The Anomalies of Horses' Body Weights versus Spring Grass Draw Biases", or musings on whether a short-bodied horse should have its 2l victory recalibrated based on the 2nd being longer-bodied, thus actually giving a truer reading of 3/4 length? Or whether a horse weighing 1487 lbs is disadvantaged in heavy ground by a horse weighing 1396 lbs, especially if stride patterns are identical, with a comparative hoof-shear?

On the other hand, perhaps I'd really just like to hear more about your love tool...
 
I am disappointed that our heartfelt apology seems to have been lost in the disproportionate brew-ha-ha about the manhood.

I have therefore removed the offending text from my post and would ask that you all concentrate on more, erm, meaty matters. (Krizon - PM me for more info! ;))

In answer to your questions Krizon, I would say, yes, it probably does, but my other half is quite adamant that the opposite is true.

He thinks the one weighing 1396lbs lacks sufficient love handles to be worth bothering with.
 
Ah, but which hand, tracks? Is there a left/right bias? Better given head at the start? Allow others to dictate the pace? Likes to come with a late rattle, or best left to work its way slowly to the finish? Preference for soft or hard? I think we should be told...

(Anyone got TimeForm 2008 for comparisons, please?)
 
I was told he hangs left and doesn't go through with his effort.

But that came from a jockey who made a complete balls of the ride...
 
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I'm still trying to come to terms with 'half of me is wandering what the other half is thinking half of the time' What does the first half wander about for the second half of the first half's time?
 
Dave G said:
I'm still trying to come to terms with 'half of me is wandering what the other half is thinking half of the time' What does the first half wander about for the second half of the first half's time?
Click to expand...

Generally speaking the second half of the first halfs time is spent contemplating the inevitable eventuality that the cute young girl in accounts will succumb to my wit and charm.

80% of the second halfs time is split, almost equally, between dreams of becoming emperor of the universe, contemplation of nose picking and weight distribution in refrigerated Iceland lorries.

The other 20% is busy contemplating how foolish the other half of me is in believing that either the cute young girl in accounts will succumb to my charm and wit or that half of me will ever truly understand the nature of the other half.

At present 1% (made up of odds and ends of percentages) is taken up with Michael Jackson jokes.

The other 90% is doing nothing, apparently. Lazy sod.
 
I was half wodering if I should add half of my thoughts, to half this this thread, half of me said I sould, but half said not, I did not want this to sound half harted so I came up with posting the other half somewhare else. I blame Thatcher.
 
weight distribution in refrigerated Iceland lorries.

Intresting thought a lorry full of milk has to make 5 large dropes and 12 small ones forget the 12 small ones the second drop is half the load about 15 trollys 1st drop 4 trollys
to stop the lorry being over on the front axel the whole load must turnd at the 2nd drop, it is 50 miles to the 3rd to make matters worse the driver has not stopped to turn down the fridge and a trolly has gone over milk has frozen to the floor and their is a sloap so he has got the whole load :mad:off but needs to put the empty trollys in first, the task takes 40 mins and he needs to take a break, but with the floor frozen he can't get one trolly back on, he must get a moove on has the run is close to daily limit, the milk is fresh and must be delverd.:confused:

What does he do.
 
Martin... yes, but at my age, every minute is precious...








well, actually, most of them can be bought for about 35p... ;)
 
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