Bad Move

Diamond Geezer

Diamond Geezer

Gone But Not Forgotten
Joined
May 2, 2003
Messages
13,884
Fresh from my shower, I stand in front of the mirror, complaining to my husband that my breasts are too small.

Instead of characteristically telling me it's not so, he uncharacteristically comes up with a suggestion: "If you want your breasts to grow, then every day take a piece of toilet paper and rub it between your breasts for a few seconds."

Willing to try anything, I fetch a piece of toilet paper and I stand in front of the mirror, rubbing it between my breasts. "How long will this take?" I ask.

"They will grow larger over a period of years," he replies.

I stop. "Do you really think rubbing a piece of toilet paper between my breasts every day will make my breasts larger over the years?

Without missing a beat he says, "Worked for your ass, didn't it?"

He's still alive, and with a great deal of physical therapy, he may even walk again.

Stupid, stupid man.
 
:lol: :lol:
th_bum.gif
 
yes I have one............ but they need to be posted in the jokes thread....... :angy: :angry:

ETHICS TEST.. HONEST ANSWERS ONLY NO BEATING ABOUT THE .....

This test only has one question, but it's a very

important one. By giving an honest answer,

you will discover where you stand morally.

The test features an unlikely, completely fictional situation in which you will have to make a decision.

Remember that your answer needs to be honest, yet spontaneous.

Please scroll down slowly and give due consideration to each line.

You are in Florida, Miami to be specific. There is chaos all around you caused by a hurricane with severe flooding. This is a flood of biblical proportions.

You are a photojournalist working for a major newspaper, and you're caught in the middle of this epic disaster.

The situation is nearly hopeless. You're trying to shoot career-making photos. There are houses and people swirling around you, some disappearing under the water. Nature is unleashing all of its destructive fury.

Suddenly you see a man floundering in the water. He is fighting for his life, trying not to be taken down with the debris. You move closer . . somehow the man looks familiar. You suddenly realize who it is.

It's George W. Bush!

At the same time you notice that the raging waters are about to take him under .. forever. You have two options--you can save the life of G.W.Bush or you can shoot a dramatic Pulitzer Prize winning photo, documenting the death of one of the world's most powerful men.

So here's the question, and please give an honest answer :

Would you select high contrast colour film, or would you go with the classic simplicity of black and white? ??????????????????
 
That one went up around the time of the elections, so the answer is, no, there are no new jokes, just remixes of old 'uns.
 
Old words - new definitions

Asbestos - Greek Anti-social behaviour order
Philander - The Duke of Edinburugh and the Queen
Semolina - A system of signalling with puddings
Pistachio - the facial hair that you might find on the top lip of an alcoholic
Delegate - Jewish Scandal
Systematic - a robot nun
Boomerang - to show displeasure to a desert
Scurrilous - a mouse with no legs
Aerobic - a chocolate biro
Shrewd - a rude shrew
Baltimore - to ask for seconds in an Indian Restaurant
Increment - bad Japanese weather
Chinchilla - an air-conditioned beard .

Don't tell me, you've seen em before. :(
 
I took a while on 'delegate' but it sunk in after a while, though I thought the word 'delicatessen' was originally French. Am I wrong? (Yes, yes, I know I'm pathetically pedantic - but am I wrong?) :brows:
 
Well, right and wrong. Delicatessen comes from the German delikatessen, and this is the plural of delikatesse, which in turn comes from the French delicatesse meaning "delicacies". But the French took it from the Latin word delicatus, which means "giving pleasure" or "delightful", the same source, of course, as our delicate. So, as usual we've all nicked of each other.

The joke has probably taken that particular definition from an American site - most of the delis I've come across in New York were Jewish owned. (The others were Italian.)
 
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