Being Bullied

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Phil Waters

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I have to share this with you strangers :D

I used to live in another part of Bellshill, much rougher than where I am now. There were gangs of drunks/youths/druggie no-hopers virtually on every street corner. Walking past them was sometimes a nightmare for many people, but never (fortunately) for me with one exception.

There was one guy who would always go out of his way to ask me for money. It wasn't much, no more than £2 and generally around 50p-£1 mark.

At first I didn't mind handing out whatever I had to spare, but it became very routine. Everytime he'd see me I'd get asked for money and I started feeling obliged to give it to him. He was always surrounded with loads of people, all of which would have stuck a knife in you for 20p.

Eventually I began to dread bumping into him and would actually suffer mild panic attacks when I entered an area I knew he frequented. I started hiding any money I had in odd places; in my shoe, in my hood etc. I never shared it with anyone incase people thought I was being stupid and I know if push ever came to shove and I had to confront this guy, I would have beaten the living shit out of him. The advantage he held over me was that I was a peaceful person and he wasn't. I am the sort of person who would do virtually anything to avoid having to physically fight, but that doesn't mean I can't fight.

Anyway, that was five years or so ago and I no longer frequent those areas; I don't need to.

There is no doubt in my mind that I was bullied; maybe not in the way bullying is nowadays understood, but definitely still bullied to an extent. It got to the point where I would bump into him and he would just say, "Oi...quid"...meaning he wanted £1.

I have never been more settled inside myself emotionally or mentally than I have been in the past 6 months of my life; I am very content. During this period (past 6 months) I decided that if I ever see this guy again I was going to confront him about it.

This morning I was told he was found dead in a house on Sunday. Apparently drugs related (overdose or something).

I don't know whether to feel regret or relief.

Does anyone agree that bullying comes in all different forms?
 
Originally posted by Phil Waters@Jul 6 2005, 01:18 PM
This morning I was told he was found dead in a house on Sunday. Apparently drugs related (overdose or something).
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Good riddance to bad rubbish.

On the bullying thing - yes, I agree with you, it does come in many different guises.
 
You had someone who knew you could be panhandled, Phil, because he sensed that at heart you were NOT going to smash his face in, as long as he didn't start getting rough. If you'd just said 'not today, mate, I'm skint' and walked away, he might've yelled something offensive, but I doubt he'd have whacked you, as he'd be fairly sure that the next time he saw you, you'd give him something. It's manipulative behaviour, but I think manipulation IS a form of bullying, just as is mental or physical intimidation.

I'd be pleased that I wouldn't have to avoid this person in future, though whether I'd be truly 'glad' he was dead, I doubt, as he didn't do you any physical harm. But as he chose his own destiny, it'd be futile to feel guilt about his demise.
 
I don't feel guilty about his demise at all. I said I didn't know whether to feel regret for being denied (as a result of his death) the possible chance of confronting him.
 
What would you have done? Ask him why he'd pestered you for so long? To which he'd probably mumble some crap about you being a good bloke, he always liked you, never meant you any harm, and could you spare him a quid? ;)
 
Originally posted by Phil Waters@Jul 6 2005, 01:18 PM

Does anyone agree that bullying comes in all different forms?
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Yes, I am beginning to Phil. There is definitely a sort of bullying that occurs on some forums.
 
Yes, I didn't want to ruin the other one Simmo! B)

Right, anyone else want to take a pop please do it on here? :blink:
 
Too bloody right. :angry: :angy:

Now stop arsing about, and get back to work.















(please :) )
 
Kathy - strangely enough, I have a lot better things to do than get into a slanging match with you - my post was meant in a constructive manner because, recognise it or not, your posts often are very contentious, whether you mean them to be or not. My posting had absolutely nothing to do with defending either Brian or James personally - I was merely stating my point of view re Epsom cancelling. If you think that's starting a slanging match, then you have a problem.

Now, if you want to present a reasoned, civil and sensible response as to why you disagree with that, excellent - that's what this forum's for. The response you made below doesn't fall into any of those categories.

And maybe you Songsheet, should learn that his particular argument has absolutely nothing to do with you. I am sure Ardross is happy of your loyal co Moderators support. I have apologised to Brian if I had offended him (although I hadn't appeared to have done any lasting damage in our forum relationship) and I am happy to leave it at that.

Could you therefore move back onto the subject matter of the thread as Col politely suggested rather than trying desperately, and rather badly, to draw me into a slanging match. I thank you. 
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It's offensive, inaccurate and childish and very out of place on that particular thread.
 
I think (hope) you know what I really meant Brian?

So do ya wanna pop or not? :angy:
 
Invade this thread, by all means.

Just because I'm the original author, does not mean I own the rights.

And anyway, I'm joining in.

Songsheet, telling someone they must learn to do something, implies that the person does not know how to do the thing you refer to.

For example...Perhaps you should learn how to kick the ball propoerly... is extremely offensive if said to a professional footballer.

Now, were you implying that Kathy was not capable of knowing "the difference between an opinion, a discussion and an argument"?

It's that sort of bullying that goes unnoticed by most, but is very hurtful.
 
Songsheet, telling someone they must learn to do something, implies that the person does not know how to do the thing you refer to
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Subtlety is obviously lost on some on this forum - there's a world of difference between the use of the word 'need' and that of the word 'must'.

Go back and re-read the posting, Phil.

Whatever - as usual this type of thread will lead precisely nowhere so that's it from me on the subject.

Have a good weekend.
 
Well, it's chances of leading somewhere have just increased by your "that's it from me" announcement, that's for sure.
 
So which thread are we having the argument on then - I have twenty minutes to waste before I go home and I don't want to spend them flicking between threads looking for the vitriol.

Some clarity please people. :angry:
 
"Okay, everyone! You can all come in now. Well, that was an EXCELLENT demonstration of varieties of bullying! Well done, everybody. Phil, as interlocutor, you can choose who role-played the best, and why, and then we've got five minutes for questions, before we all break for lunch. Just 45 minutes, folks, then it's back for 'Control, Power, and Manipulation' with the panel. Over to you, Phil... "
 
getting back to the subject do you think I was bullied? or I bullied the guy?

I met a guy who looked handy!! Rough.. one day in Cardiff centre he said "give us 10p mate for a cup of coffee" I said " here's 20p get me one as well will you?"

but he then got stroppy... so I told him to f...off he muttered something as he walked away.....
 
20p for two coffees? That's a bit optimistic, Merlin! It's at least £1.20 here for a skinny latte, and most of our street people wouldn't touch less than a large cappuccino with chocolate sprinkles, anyway.
 
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