Merlin the Magician
At the Start
Corporate Lesson 1:
................................
> A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her
> shower, when the doorbell rings.
> The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When
> she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next door neighbour. Before
> she says a word, Bob says, "I'll give you $800 to drop that towel,"
>
>
> After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands
> naked in front of Bob.
> After a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 dollars and leaves.
> The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs.
> When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, "Who was that?"
> "It was Bob the next door neighbour," she replies.
> "Great!" the husband says, "did he say anything about the $800 he
> owes me?"
>
>
> Moral of the story: If you share critical information pertaining to
> credit and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in a
> position to prevent avoidable exposure.
>
>
> Corporate Lesson 2:
..................................
> A priest offered a lift to a Nun.
> She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg.
> The priest nearly had an accident. After controlling the car, he
> stealthily slid his hand up her leg.
> The nun said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?"
> The priest removed his hand.
> But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again.
> The nun once again said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?"
> The priest apologized "Sorry sister but the flesh is weak."
> Arriving at the convent, the nun went on her way.
> On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129.
>
> It said, "Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory."
>
>
> Moral of the story: If you are not well informed in your job, you
> might miss a great opportunity.
>
>
> Corporate Lesson 3:
.................................
> A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to
> lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.
> They rub it and a Genie comes out.
> The Genie says, "I'll give each of you just one wish."
> "Me first! Me first!" says the admin. clerk.
> "I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in
> the world." Poof! She's gone.
> "Me next! Me next!" says the sales rep. "I want to be in Hawaii,
> relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of
> Pina Coladas and the love of my life." Poof! He's gone.
>
>
> "OK, you're up," the Genie says to the manager.
> The manager says, "I want those two back in the office after lunch."
>
>
> Moral of the story: Always let your boss have the first say.
>
>
> Corporate Lesson 4:
................................
> A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day.
> A rabbit asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing all day
> long?"
> The crow answered: "Sure, why not."
> So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow, and rested.
> A fox jumped on the rabbit and ate it.
>
>
> Moral of the story: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be
> sitting very high up.
>
>
> Corporate Lesson 5:
...............................
> A turkey was chatting with a bull.
> "I would love to be able to Get to the top of that tree," sighed the
> turkey, but I haven't got the energy."
> "Well, why don't you nibble on my droppings?" replied the bull.
> "They're packed with nutrients."
> The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it gave him enough
> strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree.
> The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second
> branch.
> Finally after a fourth night, there he was proudly perched at the top
> of the tree.
> Soon he was spotted by a farmer, who shot the turkey out of the tree.
>
>
> Moral of the story: Bullshit might get you to the top, but it won't
> keep you there.
................................
> A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her
> shower, when the doorbell rings.
> The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When
> she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next door neighbour. Before
> she says a word, Bob says, "I'll give you $800 to drop that towel,"
>
>
> After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands
> naked in front of Bob.
> After a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 dollars and leaves.
> The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs.
> When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, "Who was that?"
> "It was Bob the next door neighbour," she replies.
> "Great!" the husband says, "did he say anything about the $800 he
> owes me?"
>
>
> Moral of the story: If you share critical information pertaining to
> credit and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in a
> position to prevent avoidable exposure.
>
>
> Corporate Lesson 2:
..................................
> A priest offered a lift to a Nun.
> She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg.
> The priest nearly had an accident. After controlling the car, he
> stealthily slid his hand up her leg.
> The nun said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?"
> The priest removed his hand.
> But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again.
> The nun once again said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?"
> The priest apologized "Sorry sister but the flesh is weak."
> Arriving at the convent, the nun went on her way.
> On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129.
>
> It said, "Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory."
>
>
> Moral of the story: If you are not well informed in your job, you
> might miss a great opportunity.
>
>
> Corporate Lesson 3:
.................................
> A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to
> lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.
> They rub it and a Genie comes out.
> The Genie says, "I'll give each of you just one wish."
> "Me first! Me first!" says the admin. clerk.
> "I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in
> the world." Poof! She's gone.
> "Me next! Me next!" says the sales rep. "I want to be in Hawaii,
> relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of
> Pina Coladas and the love of my life." Poof! He's gone.
>
>
> "OK, you're up," the Genie says to the manager.
> The manager says, "I want those two back in the office after lunch."
>
>
> Moral of the story: Always let your boss have the first say.
>
>
> Corporate Lesson 4:
................................
> A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day.
> A rabbit asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing all day
> long?"
> The crow answered: "Sure, why not."
> So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow, and rested.
> A fox jumped on the rabbit and ate it.
>
>
> Moral of the story: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be
> sitting very high up.
>
>
> Corporate Lesson 5:
...............................
> A turkey was chatting with a bull.
> "I would love to be able to Get to the top of that tree," sighed the
> turkey, but I haven't got the energy."
> "Well, why don't you nibble on my droppings?" replied the bull.
> "They're packed with nutrients."
> The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it gave him enough
> strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree.
> The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second
> branch.
> Finally after a fourth night, there he was proudly perched at the top
> of the tree.
> Soon he was spotted by a farmer, who shot the turkey out of the tree.
>
>
> Moral of the story: Bullshit might get you to the top, but it won't
> keep you there.