Dear Auntie Kri

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Gearoid

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Dear Auntie Kri,

Life has been quite good, at times even fulfilling since you took your latest sabbatical from the forum. Now that you are back though the news on the grape vine is that a few members are putting their ties in places and brushing themselves down a bit. With this in mind it got me thinking what effect your return would have on some of us. In particular I need to point out the effect your return has had on my own predicament. I feel the sudden urge to pour out my heart about the latest ex-netball captain (I can’t court them while their in school anymore don’t you know) that I got down to her gym shorts and than wondered, well where exactly is this going?

In summary, I would like you to clarify your position on the forum if only for your own sake before your PM box fills up and the Chit-Chat section becomes homage to your personnel problem solving skills.

Yours ever

Nephew Norris
 
Dearest NN:

I'm delighted to hear directly from you that things have been going well. However, if I may speak of this publicly, since you've opened your heart thus, I've also been a tad disappointed in your romantic life. Rumours have come my way via third, even fourth and fifth parties, that you're failing to assume the mantle of old Uncle Joseph Elijah (God rest his soul), with his four wives in counties Clare, Monaghan, Kilkenny, and Wexford, or great-grandfather Joseph Ignatius, with his 24 concubines and three wives. In other words, you're still stuck at first base - and at your age! Why, great-great-grandfather Benedictus Joseph had sired his first three children by the age of 16! You're becoming an embarrassment to the sainted family, boy.

Now, you may wonder why I took my sabbatical? Wonder no more, dear nephew. I've lovingly produced a guide for the perpetually pruriently perplexed, called "Get Dem Knickers Down - Your Guide to Post-Pubescent Pleasures", which costs only £12.99 inc p&p. But, out of the love I hold in my heart for you, that'll be only £9.99 for your dear self.

So, send me your cheque as soon as possible, darling boy, and Auntie will send you her book of dead certs to getting past those unfortunate twinges of angst, conscience, conditioning by the Holy fathers (God bless them), or other obstacles to fulfilling, sensual glories.

Your loving Auntie Krizzy. xxx
 
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