Guns On The Highway

simmo

simmo

Senior Jockey
Joined
Mar 4, 2004
Messages
5,776
Location
South Lanarkshire
It should be legal to carry guns and shoot other drivers who commit certain infractions on the roads.

Currently top of my list of infractions

Failure to allow me to pull out to overtake on a motorway - that's the sort of behaviour that leads to middle lane hoggers - penalty - both barrels to the head.

Flashing lights at me and gesturing at me that you would like to engage in fisticuffs when I pull out in front of you whether you like it or not you BMW driving asshole - penalty - both barrels to the obviously tiny penis.

Speeding up to make overtaking on an A road dangerous and/or impossible - penalty - follow you to your home and take out the wife and kids as well - serves them right for having a dick of a dad.
 
You could use a flamethrower and RPG, Simmo, if you found trying to steer at 107 mph and fire a Glock at the same time a bit taxing.

I do think it's very important to have a little murder in the mind, though. I had a really bizarre experience last night (no, it didn't involve Latex masks). Driving back from Epsom, I wasn't totally sure my headlights were both working properly, so I toddled along the left-hand lane at around 55-60 mph. Whereupon something that had been hurtling down the right-hand lane for miles, lights on full beam plus fog lights (on a nice bright night and on the well-lit M25 at that point) thundered over to the left and remained very close behind me for miles and miles. I had to turn the friggin' rearview mirror away as he was blinding me, and then I slowed to 50, 45, 40... and the chuffer still stayed pinned behind me. Eventually, we came to where the left lane was coned off and I went right down to 35, then shot across and galloped off at 80 for a bit. Once he was out of view, I resumed tootling in the left lane, then yee-haaaa... here comes the fecker again, rushing down the right lane and then cutting to the left to lie up right behind me.

Question: should I have jammed on my brakes and caused him either to swerve or pile into the back of my car, or should I have pulled onto the hard shoulder, let him go by, get his reg number, and call the twazzock in to the fuzz? Yeah, as if they'd do anything...
 
I'm with Simmo and would add:
Woman driving BMW in middle lane doing 65 talking on mobile phone (today on M4):
Anyone doing under 65 in the middle lane and the inside lane is empty for at least a quarter of a mile in front of them( today on M4):
Drivers who pull out, forcing one to brake, and then put their indicator on as if that's fine(today on M4):
Arseholes in penis extensions who speed up in the outside lane and tail gate one when one has pulled out with plenty of space, but just feel they have to make a point( as above):
Drivers who are in the outside lane approaching the half mile sign to a junction and pull across two lanes braking and forcing others to brake, while they force their way over as the slip road approaches(as above):
Rubberneckers(today on A34)
 
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Ease up on BMW drivers please cos I drive one.

From experience the M4 seems to be regularly used by a large number of plonkers. I get wound up in the event that, when I am driving in the outside lane and overtaking a solid stream of cars in the middle lane, some twat behind starts flashing his lights and driving up close.

To get into the middle lane one would have to slow down , indicate , accelerate to get in if a gap is given or appears , then brake possibly causing problems for many behind. I have reason to believe that this happens even when one is significantly exceeding the speed limit.

As to your point about drivers cutting across to get to a slip road that is, of course, both annoying and dangerous but it is equally annoying when, as often happens on the M4 and M25, one attempts in plenty of time to get in the middle lane to position oneself to get across in due course to the exit and people deliberately speed up to make this difficult.

The M4 is also the worst road I know of for people who think they can avoid gantry cameras or camera cars parked on bridges, by suddenly switching lanes.
 
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G-G said:
Drivers who are in the outside lane approaching the half mile sign to a junction and pull across two lanes braking and forcing others to brake, while they force their way over as the slip road approaches
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twat did this to me yesterday. I zapped him with my ray gun.
 
But, in all seriousness, drink driving is unforgivable. With that in mind, having driven to a friend's for dinner the other night, and accidentally taken in far more wine (and an after dinner liqueur or three), I decided to take a bus home. Haven't done it in years! Anyway, it was a really nice experience - clean, warm, and got home totally accident-free.

Which surprised me a bit, as I've never driven one before...
 
Boom, boom. Coming from Cornwall that reminded me of one of Jethro's jokes.

Jethro and his mate Denzil Penberthy went out in Penzance one night on the beer and drank so much they missed the last bus home to St Just.
Jethro says 'Lets go down the bus depot and borrow a bus to drive us home in'
When they get there, its all locked up and all the buses are in the yard.
'Tell you what boy' says Jethro, 'You go inside and get a bus while I keep a lookout'
Denzil breaks in and for half an hour all Jethro can hear is buses starting up and moving around, lights going on and off before Denzil reappears driving a bus.

'Where the bloody hell you been ?' asks Jethro

Denzil says "Well I had to move all the buses round in there cos the bus for St Just was parked right at the bloody back'
 
Absolute wanker on M40 today in a transit van who was drfiting back and forth across three lanes for at least two miles. When I risked trying to over take him I could see why, as he had his two wrists on the steering wheel while he was texting on his mobile and not watching the road at all. :mad:
 
A few years back I actually saw a woman driving with one hand and eating from a bowl of cereal, that was balanced on her lap, with the other hand.
 
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redhead said:
A few years back I actually saw a woman driving with one hand and eating from a bowl of cereal, that was balanced on her lap, with the other hand.
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Thats nothing, I had a fry on the way to work today, With toast, and a brew.


I joke I joke, i dont have a job, i wasnt going to work, i was going to sign on..


...lovely fry though.
 
Going to the Munster final 2years ago -the guy who was driving me was eating a roll,while making a mobile phone call,while driving on a narrow country road.
If I had complained he would have accused me of being windy.
 
LUKE said:
Going to the Munster final 2years ago -the guy who was driving me was eating a roll,while making a mobile phone call,while driving on a narrow country road.
If I had complained he would have accused me of being windy.
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You were being windy, it was Munster Final day, when men are men!
 
:lol::lol:

Bloody Suffragettes! That Mrs Pankhurst has a lot to answer for. And so does Mr Pankhurst, for not keeping her chained to a kitchen table, the weak buffoon.
 
I followed a lad on a "motorbike" who was riding with one hand and furtively looking over his shoulder at me. When I eventually overtook him he was texting on his bloody phone, wonder if he's got out of the ditch yet?
 
krizon said:
:lol::lol:

Bloody Suffragettes! That Mrs Pankhurst has a lot to answer for. And so does Mr Pankhurst, for not keeping her chained to a kitchen table, the weak buffoon.
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Kri, would it surprise you to know that my great, great grandmama (a red-haired Irish lady) was head of the suffragette movement in Denbighshire? :lol:
 
Arsehole BMW driver going too fast into conditions he clearly couldn't see this morning (stationary traffic on a roundabout) nearly crashes into me and has the temerity to pump his horn at me. Although he did have the good grace to look at the floor in shame when I turned round to mouth off at him. Maybe he was searching for his cock?

Seriously - it can't be coincidence that so many idiots on the road are driving beemers?

And on a related note - what about those folk driving BMW X4's - castrati?
 
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