How Drunk Is Gearoid?

I had 7 pints last night. I consider myself well sober at this stage. I was with the ex-schoolgirl for a while so the heart is still racing.

Whats it it got to do with you anyway?
 
Not tonight, just a socibal hour with her in a bar. She was not drinking. I've had her in my bed twice but....(ssshhhh).... she kept her socks on....

Thats between you and me so say nothing..
 
Mum's the word, Gerhardt.

That's class - she doesn't drink a drop while you skull seven pints. Respect.

I wouldn't worry too much about the sock-removal situation. Any man who can bed an Irish girl goes down with a gold star in my book. I had to set sail for London to get a regular ride. You would be right at home in The Swan, Gareth. 'Twas a happy hunting ground for me in the past.
 
While your respect is deeply appreciated, I am not deserving of it. Se only went and left the rest of her ******* clothes on too.....

I'll die trying....
 
You have a few options:

Play the sensitive guy. Vaguely hint at your anguish over the ills of the world. Mention that you are considering aid work with the handicapped.
Splash a bit of money on her. Back Artic Jack at Warwick, and use the winnings to take her out for a steak the size of a toilet seat.
Begging.
Masturbation.

I am sure that you are a better man than I am. However, if you have overlooked one of these options, I urge you to pursue it.
 
Play the sensitive guy. Vaguely hint at your anguish over the ills of the world. Mention that you are considering aid work with the handicapped

I have tried it and fuck you have to listen to an awful emount of grief. Plus after a few pints you tend to hit her back with problems of your own. In my opinion its the quickiest path to the dreaded friendship.

Splash a bit of money on her. Back Artic Jack at Warwick, and use the winnings to take her out for a steak the size of a toilet seat.

Have I tried or have I tried. I have flashed €50 noted, €100 notes and even a €200 note. Problem is she is one of these modern day girls who understands the round system and gets upset if you try to be flash and pay for everything.

Begging.
Bloody hell, when she pushed me away last Monday I reckon I did (meomry a bit hazy) and it probably worked but not well enough ofr under the covers.

Masturbation.
The problem here is people who are bedding birds actually do it more then single guys. You've got more to work with. Plus when you want a bird badly it just dont do it for me. I'm gone so bad I reckon I've gone from 5 times a week to maybe 2.

Anymore suggestions?
 
Hmmm....let me think

You seem to have most of the bases covered. I can think of two options, one easy in the short run, but tricky in the long run. And vice-versa.

Option 1: Share hobbies. Do something with her that she likes doing. If she likes going to fancy foreign films or something, go along with her. Even if it bores you to tears, don't let it show. Spoof her by saying that it's interesting and draw the conclusion that you are way more fond of her now that you can see she has substance. Also get her to share your hobbies. Ideally, that would be riding, but in the meantime, take her racing one day*, or to a soccer match.

Option 2: Tell her you think you are falling in love with her. Might work, but a world of pain will ensue. Depends how desperately you want the ride, and whether you think she'll swallow it (insert Merlin joke here).

* You will need to stick your bets on in the morning, as some birds aren't that keen on gamblers. When you do your nuts in the bumper, try not to show that you have lost 200 euros in one race.
 
:lol:

Bloody hell, do you know me!

I took her racing last Monday and did a €100 in the bumper! We both got drunk and I hope and pray that I did not tell her I love her. Chances are I hinted at it to get her into the sack (with clothes on).

Should I just give up?
 
Under no circumstances should you give up. You'll just go through a savage drought, something like a year without getting your hole, and you'll never forgive yourself. You will see the new bird in the pub with some geebag in a Kerry jersey, and you will be going on and on to your mates about how you let such a good thing go.

If it is going to finish, let it be because she has seen through you, rather than because you can't get her to put out. Irish girls are tricky buggers to crack, but once they get riding, many of them love it and you'll be a happy man. Even if it doesn't work, the prospect of you moaning for years about this bird should mean you give it a fair go with her.
 
Geraoid, you want her to beg like mad to be laid?
then do :
send her an e-mail (only e-mails work, NEVER write a letter) without salutation only containing a short verse, preferably some that neither you nor she may understand.
(this is necessary, because it has to be for projection purposes only!!)
For me this thing from the Shropshire Lad mostly did the trick:


There, like the wind through woods in riot,
Through him the gale of life blew high;
The tree of man was never quiet:
Then 'twas the Roman, now 'tis I.

sign it but without further explanation nor declaration.
then let her time
wait until she makes contact again
then harvest.
 
Great bit of entertainment, fellas!! :lol:

I'm sure you'll get there, Gearoid...she'd have told you to get lost long ago if she wasn't interested!
 
Given the quality of this thread and Auntie K's advice in the past maybe we should introduce a Forum problem page where the two of them can put us all on the right track.

That thought triggers another. If the forum were a newspaper who would you have as editors for which section.

Problem Page: sorted.
 
If you think Auntie K is going to suggest young lads take up the Hairy Hand, you're mistaken. If they can't win over a young lass in less than six weeks, they're a waste of manhood and should hie themselves to a monastery. (Where there's probably a 4-5 chance of carnal success, even if not quite as originally envisaged.)
 
It may take longer then 5-6 weeks but I'll keep trying. She wanted to come back to mine again last night but circumstances went against her.

Its only a matter of time. I've done the decent thing and changed the sheets on my bed. I've been busy there lately........
 
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