How To Clean The Toilet

[Diamond Geezer]

1. Put both lids of the toilet up and add 1/8 cup of pet shampoo to the water in the bowl.

2. Pick up the cat and soothe him while you carry him towards the bathroom.

3. In one smooth movement, put the cat in the toilet and close both lids. You may need to stand on the lid.

4. The cat will self agitate and make ample suds. Never mind the noises that come from the toilet, the cat is actually enjoying this.

5. Flush the toilet three or four times. This provides a "power-wash" and rinse".

6. Have someone open the front door of your home. Be sure that there are no people between the bathroom and the front door.

7. Stand behind the toilet as far as you can, and quickly lift both lids.

8. The cat will rocket out of the toilet, streak through the bathroom, and run outside where he will dry himself off.

9. Both the commode and the cat will be sparkling clean.


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Yours Sincerely,

The Dog

 

[PDJ]

:lol: :lol:

 

[PDJ]

On a related topic....


Instructions for giving your cat a pill
1) Pick cat up and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.
2) Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process.

3) Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away.

4) Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm holding rear paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of ten.

5) Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call friend.

6) Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front and rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get friend to hold head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down, remove ruler and rub cat's throat vigorously.

7) Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrap. Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered Doulton figures from hearth and set to one side for glueing later.

8) Wrap cat in large towel and get friend to lie on cat with head just visible from below armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw, force cat's mouth open with pencil and blow down drinking straw.

9) Check label to make sure pill is not harmful to humans, drink glass of water to take taste away. Apply band-aid to friend's forearm and remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap.

10) Retrieve cat from neighbour's shed. Get another pill. Place cat in cupboard and close door onto neck to leave head showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat with elastic band.

11) Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on hinges. Apply cold compress to cheek and check records for date of last tetanus shot. Throw Tee-shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom.

12) Ring fire brigade to retrieve cat from tree across the road. Apologise to neighbour who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid cat. Take last pill from foil-wrap.

13) Tie cat's front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of dining table, find heavy duty pruning gloves from shed, hold cat's mouth open with small spanner. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of fillet of steak. Hold head vertically and pour pint of water down throat to wash pill down.

14) Get friend to drive you to the emergency room, sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and removes pill remnants from right eye. Call furniture shop on way home to order new table.

15) Arrange for RSPCA to collect cat. Ring local pet shop to see if they have any hamsters.

 

[Griffin]

I shall turn a blind eye to any potential cruelty to cats from fellow forumites I shall take this opportunity to point out that amongst many other things I also volunteer for Cats Protection, and my current role is to hand rear kittens. My newest baby, 19 day old Chesney would not be amused at the toilet joke :lol:

 

[PDJ]

Griffin, I have applied to my local Cramar Cat Sanctuary with a view to getting a young cat at Easter. I love cats.

 

[Griffin]

Here's Chesney a few days ago, waving to his fans and having a quick peep at them through his partially opened eyes :wub: He's with me because his familys dog attacked him when he was a day old, and he needed three stitches in his face and he couldn't feed from his mum anymore

 

[Ardross]

Bless him

I thought this was another thread about the amazing multi purpose uses of \Blossom Hill

 

[PDJ]

Ahhhhhhhhhhh how sweet is Chesney?????

 

[Griffin]

Chesneys just had a bath and I was taking some photos of him and this one made me wee myself laughing:

 

[an capall]

So now we have banned hunting foxes could we possibly?....well never mind.

 

[Griffin]

Originally posted by an capall@Feb 22 2005, 09:05 PM
So now we have banned hunting foxes could we possibly?....well never mind.

 

[Ardross]

An capall hunting

Next time he is swimming off the Forty Foot huntsman in bright red swimming costumes will despatch a pack of killer whales towards him

 

[krizon]

Charming Chesney! I had a whole load of ginger-stripe cats when I lived in Saudi Arabia, Griffin. The mother was feral, very fierce indeed - she even had the little tufts of hair at the ends of her ears to make her look wilder. She had four babies born under the house in what the Americans call the 'crawl space'. Two of them had some problems - Rusty had a thyroid problem and was scrunched up, with very coarse fur. Poppy had a fantastically long body, with the Egyptian-type of tiny pointed face and very large triangular ears, and huuuuuge eyes.

They were all very nervous: I'd put out masses of food for them in the morning before I went to work, but all they'd ever do would be to peer out from under their hidey-hole. Very gradually I managed to gain their trust, got Rusty treated for his condition (he kinda un-concertinaed and although he remained small, he was very powerful), and decided to keep him, his sister Poppy, and the mum, who I named Sunny. The other two kittens went to very loving homes - one ended up going to live in Glasgow!

I brought Sunny and Poppy back to the UK with me when I returned in 1992. A few years before, I'd moved house and Poppy had run back to the old one, about four miles away. Rusty had, I think, picked up his beloved sister's trail and tried to follow her, with tragic results. I found his little body at the side of a road after searching for him all night. Someone had put it on top of a black bin bag for him to be collected by the garbagemen. I buried him in my back garden amid floods of tears. He had the most fantastic personality in spite of his smallness.

Sunny and Poppy lived with me in an ex-farmhouse in Staffordshire after their awful period of quarantine (which traumatized them). Poppy contracted feline HIV and had to be put to sleep immediately, as within only three days her condition became very bad. Sunny lived until she was 12, when kidney disease began to erode her quality of life, and I had her put to sleep.

I have to say I was so upset every time one of them died I really can't bear to have any more - I had two others, also a feral mum and wonky daughter (the babies just don't get the nutrition they need in the womb and are so often born with defects), who lived to 14. I miss the company, but I can't stand their loss.