James Willoughby.

I don't know if that's a typically male response - it probably has something to do with a primeval instinct to breed only useful members of the tribe (I assume helpless ones were disposed of via sabre-toothed tigers), and a sense of one's genes failing if one doesn't. The women I've met who've had autistic kids (and in some cases, not one but two) are a lot more practical use to their disadvantaged youngsters than Willoughby's intellectual musings. Sod looking up the ratings on the children 'getting better' (as if he's a 2 y.o. with improvement to be made over 7f) - their mothers' days are taken up totally, with all of their strength employed in getting the daily grind done with a child who cannot comprehend its own environment. They have to be on tap 24/7 and to find respite, if the sire deigns to stick around to see out the years with her and their offspring and not decamp in cowardice, in taking part-time work as a means of staying sane with co-adults.

And yes, Mr Willoughby, how about you getting up extra early to bake the special bread you and your little boy like? It sounds to me like he was of no use or support to his wife at all - he went off on a very self-indulgent binge of self-pity, viewing the autism as a seriously bad TimeForm squiggle, to her exclusion. What the hell use is an exhausted husband, conked out over the keyboard, when you've got a full-on autistic kid to cope with?
 
Colin - there's no empathy shown in that Blog for his wife. She's a sideline, it seems. While he's busy falling apart giving up the family income, reading up books he doesn't understand, basically dismissing the expert paediatrician as a know-nothing, how do you think his little boy - the cause of his distress - was being looked after? By the Fairy Godmother? No, somewhere, beavering away in the background, putting up with him having the vapours for not just a few days, but apparently a couple of years, was the mother of this little chap, presumably not exasperated sufficiently by her feeble husband to yell "Get a feckin grip, man! He's our child, not some science project!"

And now he's to be the subject of a Blog - one of the most egocentric innovations of the cyber age, where every nuance of the inner self (it's an inner self for a reason, folks!) is exposed to the light of day, rather like the disembowelling bit of hanging and quartering. It's as well the poor mite will never comprehend his father's public display of angst about him, isn't it? I'm with OTB on this - it would've been enough to have wrapped this up much quicker (although we ought to know that Willo would never say something in 500 words when 5,000 would do) and without laying one's family bare.
 
I agree a bit with krizon. Thats the first thing that struck me too. its moving but a bit self indulgent at the same time. Shit happens but you get on with it and also have to be aware of the effect on those closest to you rather than a bit of me me me

By the way my blog is http://cpcmcredit.wordpress.com/
 
Having seen the reaction to James' piece elsewhere, I'm pleased to say that some of the views expressed here are in the minority.

A lot of people have questioned at various times why Willoughby cut back on his TV work and despite being Chief Correspondent, was writing less and less for the Post. I think this clears it up. Perhaps it's some sort of catharctic piece he needed to write to begin a new chapter in his life, given how tough he and his family have had it over the last few years, I certainly won't begrudge him the opportunity to write it.
 
clivex said:
I agree a bit with krizon. Thats the first thing that struck me too. its moving but a bit self indulgent at the same time. Shit happens but you get on with it and also have to be aware of the effect on those closest to you rather than a bit of me me me

By the way my blog is http://cpcmcredit.wordpress.com/
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Willo's style is admittedly rather verbose, and while I've never met him, there are several forumites who've shared a jar with him, and none that I know of have painted a picture of him being particularly self-regarding. I read his piece as being a very humble mea culpa, simply clearing the way for him to be himself in future. I'd be surprised if his future entries are in anything like the same vein. I'd also be very surprised if his wife is oblivious to his current mindset, or indeed he to hers. I'm not ashamed to admit that I found what he wrote genuinely touching, and I've never been able to read more than a couple of paragraphs of his RP musings before, so it's no sense of hero worship on my part.
 
I think krizonspoint is (and i dont give a momkeys what people say elsewhere...) that perhaps a little me of the we rathr than i would have been expected
 
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Rory, you're entitled to your view as I am mine, although why you have to get a bit coarse with it, I don't know. I have met James W, along with Angus McNae, when they were co-presenting for RUK. They were both very pleasant to talk with while I was very nervously awaiting the outcome of my first foal sale, genuinely interested, cheerful and supportive. I'm sure I'd have enjoyed other encounters with him had they ever occurred.

Of course it's unfortunate if your child is born with a disability. It takes a big readjustment of whatever plans you had in mind - as he says, he won't be playing kickball with the kid. But it wouldn't have done any harm to have included (since he was baring all about the child) his wife as a sharer in the issue, and perhaps have paid some tribute to her support of him, which I will rather wildly presume he had.

Well, that's my reaction to the piece. I can't be a hypocrite and pretend it isn't.
 
It may be a tad over indulgent but having it read it through, my amateur pyscho babble interpretation of it is that's he's going through a grieving process and that will indeed be 'all about him'. He's grieving for the 'normal' son he hasn't now got, no ? Instead, he has a 'different' kind of normal and, unless his son is showing signs of frustration at not being able to communicate (some autistics do, some don't) 'normally', then really you just have to be thankful the child is happy in his own world.

And it sounds as though his son is far too young yet to be able to display any particular talents he may yet discover - genius and autism often go hand in hand.

Not too convinced myself about the diet element but if it makes them both feel better by doing everything 'extra', then why not ?

No one forces any of us in this country to have children and, when we do decide to have them (or fate lands us with!), then we do so in the sure knowledge that we are no longer in control over the child we end up with - with disabilities or not. I guess you just have to love them unconditionally and if, like me, you ended up with a gorgeous, reasonably healthy (he's an asthmatic) son (or daughter), then you just have to thank your lucky stars, God, Fate, whatever,that you have them.
 
krizon said:
Rory, you're entitled to your view as I am mine, although why you have to get a bit coarse with it, I don't know. I have met James W, along with Angus McNae, when they were co-presenting for RUK. They were both very pleasant to talk with while I was very nervously awaiting the outcome of my first foal sale, genuinely interested, cheerful and supportive. I'm sure I'd have enjoyed other encounters with him had they ever occurred.

Of course it's unfortunate if your child is born with a disability. It takes a big readjustment of whatever plans you had in mind - as he says, he won't be playing kickball with the kid. But it wouldn't have done any harm to have included (since he was baring all about the child) his wife as a sharer in the issue, and perhaps have paid some tribute to her support of him, which I will rather wildly presume he had.

Well, that's my reaction to the piece. I can't be a hypocrite and pretend it isn't.
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It's all a bit too presumptuous for my liking, Krizon.

It assumes that Willoughby has written this piece without his wife's involvement. Perhaps she was fully behind him venting his frustrations, and fully behind the content of his article - but did not want herself mentioned therein?

Who knows.

The only thing that certain is that it's an error to make judgements about people you don't know, based solely on what they write. His motivation for this article is clearly wholly personal, and it's a dangerous game for those who sit at a remote remove, to pass judgement on his worth as a husband, father and human-being.

As members of this site, we probably all have our own ideas about people we don't really know - but we keep our own counsel on it, because we simply don't know whether our perceptions are accurate or not. Why would we treat James Willoghby any different?
 
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now we have a super duper person, sharing their thoughts on an egotistical forum.

but at the same time criticising a man for sharing his thoughts with the world on a personal blog.

and calling him egotistical for writing all about himself.

how very apt.
 
clivex said:
A friend of mine has an autistic kid and he didnt jack in his job and disappear to the loft to read about nuclear physics. He keeps the whole issue to himselff and he and his wife have coped wonderfully well. l
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Everyone deals with issues like this differently. It's very harsh to judge his behaviour in the way it has been on here given he's explaining his cutback of his professional life.
 
clivex said:
A friend of mine has an autistic kid and he didnt jack in his job and disappear to the loft to read about nuclear physics. He keeps the whole issue to himselff and he and his wife have coped wonderfully well. The child is their prioirity and ever since they built a cage at the bottom of the garden, hes been no trouble at all
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a friend, who has a friend, who keeps the whole issue to himself, can never be fully certain that his friend is coping wonderfully well imo.

and in what relevance is this to the topic.

i have a friend who is a better forumite than you !!!
does that make you any less a man ??

stupid post
 
Krizon,

I think you are being incredibly harsh on Mr. Willoughby. The prospect (in my case) or the reaility in Willoughby's case of your child having a permanent neurological disorder is impossible to understand, and people do strange things in normal circumstances.

What is the difference between his wife baking special bread and him trying to find a cure for the condition, or at least alleviate the condition? I know when my son was having difficulties, my wife spent a huge amount of time on the internet and reading medical journals. I tried to ignore what was happening; she tried to fix it. Both were thankfully futile, as our son has grown out of his problems.

When something like autism strikes, I would imagine that there is a huge amount of fear, guilt and sadness.

And I don't think it is too ridiculous to second-guess doctors. They have been known to mis-diagnose in the past. And knowing more about your child's condition can be useful in helping the boy deal with it.
 
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