Krizon, A Friend Of Mine Needs Help?

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Gearoid

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What do you do when you think your in love?

signed
voluntary schools groundkeeper.
 
Dear VSG:

Look, it's no good just sighing over scantily-clad young girls in the school hurling team. You have to adopt a realistic attitude and ask yourself, is one of those well-bred ladies likely to fall for a gambling-addicted alcoholic layabout?

The answer, fortunately for you, is "very possibly" since opposites attract. I therefore suggest you leave a charming note attached to the sports bag of your fancy, inviting her out for an afternoon coffee (you should have managed to have dressed yourself by then), as you've long admired her technique on the field, and would so much enjoy a chance to talk about the merits of her team versus that of Our Lady of the Five Hundred Sorrows Gentlewomen's College.

Provided your offer of social intercourse is accepted, you should be able to judge your chances of a repeat occasion when, on parting, you request the pleasure of the young lady's company for the entire Galway Festival.

Good luck, young man.

Auntie K.
 
Aunty Kri,

While my friend deeply apprecited your reply he has a few things to add. He has already courted the girl but she seems to be glaring down the friends road. He took a reality check at that stage and forgot about her. Now she seems to be starting all over and he is very unsure as to where he stands. While he has no intention of making a fool of himself he does not want to pass up a good lay.

Yours
voluntary schools groundkeeper and Galway races fanatic.
 
Dear VSGAGRF:

Ah, it's fairly simple, then: she's curious to contrast 'n' compare. What have you got to lose - your virginity? Your pride? Your reputation? Your cash? Well, the latter might be more likely, but let's face it, dearest, venturing a couple of euros for the potential of a night of unbridled pleasure is distinctly more cash-efficient than splurging out in desperation on a sozzled old slapper from those bars you frequent. (Or so I'm told.)

Go ahead, young man, and make your intentions clear: meet, drink, home, bonk. Write this formula on a piece of paper and take it with you, to remind yourself that after the 'drink' part it doesn't say "and drink some more, and more, and more". Young ladies prefer their men upright throughout the evening, y'know.

Have a wonderful festive season, and don't forget the protection - you don't want a squalling nappy-pooper ruining next year's racing, do you?

Auntie K
 
:lol: :lol: :lol:

Dear Auntie K

I was offered a no-strings, guaranteed decent ride this morning but had to turn it down as it was 2000 miles away back in Gib & I'm currently freezing my backside off in the sub arctic wasteland that is England. How am I going to cope till I go back?! (guess it's the vodka for me again this Christmas....)

Yours,

frustrated & freezing. (& half cut too)
 
Dear FF & H/C:

Look, sweetie, there's a time in a gal's life when any half-decent, no-strings-attached ride should be pursued immediately, regardless of whether it's in the Antarctic or the Gobi Desert. We're none of us getting any younger, and for some of us even an annual work-out is something to be grateful for.

Yours,

Auntie K


PS: if you don't take advantage of this offer, can I have his phone number?
 
:lol: :lol:

Brian, how can I put this simply? While the ladies of this forum are devout horse lovers, it doesn't actually run to beyond the odd kiss on the muzzle. And it looks, sadly, as though the phrase 'hung like a horse' is again well adrift of reality in this case, too... :(
 
Congratulations, young Dom, on finding a bejewelled specimen! Something for the New Year, then... a chap with firm resolutions? :D
 
Dom, I was thinking of the, uh, 'Crown Jewels' which every man is so proud of. Though, on closer inspection, I've found many to be mere paste... :brows:
 
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