Marriage? Huh!

Merlin the Magician

Merlin the Magician

At the Start
Joined
May 2, 2003
Messages
3,556
Location
SOUTH WALES
A married couple are driving along a highway doing a steady 40 miles per hour. The wife is behind the wheel. Her husband suddenly looks across at her and speaks in a clear voice.

"I know we've been married for twenty years, but I want a divorce." The wife says nothing, keeps looking at the road ahead but slowly increases her speed to 45mph. The husband speaks again. "I don't want you to try and talk me out of it," he says, "because I've been having an affair with your best friend,and she's a far better lover than you are." Again the wife stays quiet, but grips the steering wheel more tightly and slowly increases the speed to 55.

He pushes his luck. "I want the house," he says insistently.. Up to 60. "I want the car, too," he continues.
65 mph. And," he says, "I'll have the bank accounts, all the credit cards and the boat!" The car slowly starts veering towards a massive concrete bridge. This makes him nervous, so he asks her, "Isn't there anything you want?"

The wife at last replies in a quiet and controlled voice. "No, I've got everything I need," she said.
"Oh, really," he inquires, "so what have you got?"

Just before they slam into the wall at 65 mph, the wife turns to him and smiles.

"The airbag."
 
GENERAL EQUATIONS & STATISTICS

A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.

A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.

A successful woman is one who can find such a man.



HAPPINESS



To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little.

To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.



LONGEVITY



Married men live longer than single men do, but married men are a lot more willing to die.







PROPENSITY TO CHANGE



A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.

A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.



DISCUSSION TECHNIQUE



A woman has the last word in any argument.

Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.




HOW TO STOP PEOPLE FROM BUGGING
YOU ABOUT GETTING MARRIED

Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs and cackling, telling me, "You're next."
They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.

SEND THIS TO A SMART WOMAN WHO NEEDS A LAUGH AND TO THE SMART GUYS YOU KNOW CAN HANDLE IT.
 
Back
Top