Mens Rules!

Aldaniti

Aldaniti

At the Start
Joined
Dec 21, 2005
Messages
2,360
Location
Wickford
Just been sent this :lol:

The Guys' Rules­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­
At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down

Finally, the guys' side of the story.
( I must admit, it's pretty good.)
We always hear "the rules"
From the female side


Now here are the rules from the male side.
These are our rules!
Please note.. these are all numbered "1"
ON PURPOSE!

1. Men are NOT mind readers.

1. Learn to work the toilet seat.
You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.
We need it up, you need it down.
You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday sports It's like the full moon
or the changing of the tides.
Let it be.

1. Shopping is NOT a sport.
And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want.
Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do.
Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a Problem.

See a doctor.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 Days.

1. If you won't dress like the Ann Summer's girls, don't Expect us to act like soap opera guys.

1. If you think you're fat, You probably are.
Don't ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one

1. You can either ask us to do something
Or tell us how you want it done.
Not both.
If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.
Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched.


1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," We will act like nothing's wrong.
We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an answer you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine.Really.

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as SEX, CARS or Football .



1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!

1. Thank you for reading this.
Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight;


But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.

Pass this to as many men as you can -
to give them a laugh.

Pass this to as many women as you can -

to give them a bigger laugh
 
1. Men are NOT mind readers.Of course not, we know you don't have the intelligence to keep up with us.
1. Learn to work the toilet seat.
You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.
We need it up, you need it down.
You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down If you put the seat down, I won't complain about picking up your dirty underpants off the bedroom floor.

1. Sunday sports It's like the full moon
or the changing of the tides.
Let it be Ditto PMT

1. Shopping is NOT a sport.
And no, we are never going to think of it that way. You won't think it is unsporting then if I forget your beer

1. Crying is blackmail Yes but I don't mind if you do dear.

1. Ask for what you want.
Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it You don't mind if my mother comes to stay to keep an eye on things while I go on hols with the girls then?

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question. So you won't go ' oh go on pleeeaaassseee' next time I say no I don't feel like giving a BJ then?

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do.
Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for And alibis.

1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a Problem.

See a doctor YES WILL YOU PLEASE!!!!!

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 Days. So when you said we couldn't afford to go on holiday 'cos WE were saving for the latest BMW, you didn't mean it?

1. If you won't dress like the Ann Summer's girls, don't Expect us to act like soap opera guys Like Les Battersby?

1. If you think you're fat, You probably are.
Don't ask us And that's really a 12 pack you've got??

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one Can I have a third option?

1. You can either ask us to do something
Or tell us how you want it done.
Not both.
If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself
But we don't want you to feel totally inadequate.

1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials
So five minutes into the match you don't want me to say I feel like giving you a BJ now then?

1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we. He ended up in the wrong bloody country! Nuff said.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.
Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is. So that shirt you have is really orange then?

1. If it itches, it will be scratched , yes but the dog really can manage his own.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," We will act like nothing's wrong.
We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle. As opposed to you not saying anything when we do tell you something is wrong?

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an answer you don't want to hear. Last time I tell you I wouldn't swap you for George Clooney.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine.Really Just 'cos you're prepared to be a slob.......

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as SEX, CARS or Football . I'm quite prepared to talk to you about how i fantatise about having sex in the back of a car with the latest hot centre forward if you really want to......

1. You have enough clothes. I know -I just do it to annoy you.

1. You have too many shoes. see above

1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape! If you were a Weeble- yes!

1. Thank you for reading this.
Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight;

But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping
YEEEEAAAAAAAA I FINALLY get the side of the bed I want!!!!!!!!
 
.....and you firmly put them in their place too!!!!

My favourite was :

1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we. He ended up in the wrong bloody country! Nuff said.
Click to expand...

:lol:
 
1. Men are NOT mind readers. Of course not, we know you don't have the intelligence to keep up with us. Do intelligent people possess psychic powers?

1. Learn to work the toilet seat.
You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.
We need it up, you need it down.
You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down If you put the seat down, I won't complain about picking up your dirty underpants off the bedroom floor. You would soon find something else to complain about…

1. Sunday sports It's like the full moon
or the changing of the tides.
Let it be Ditto PMT. How about, I will watch Sunday Sports on my own if you can keep your PMT to yourself.

1. Shopping is NOT a sport.
And no, we are never going to think of it that way. You won't think it is unsporting then if I forget your beer. If the only price for not having to come shopping with you is buying my own my beer then you have a deal.

1. Crying is blackmail Yes but I don't mind if you do dear. If men cry it is because something happened, not because they want something to happen.

1. Ask for what you want.
Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it You don't mind if my mother comes to stay to keep an eye on things while I go on hols with the girls then? Yes (see question below)

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question. So you won't go ' oh go on pleeeaaassseee' next time I say no I don't feel like giving a BJ then? No, but I might ask someone else.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do.
Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for And alibis. And bitchiness, so go careful with those alibis

1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a Problem.

See a doctor YES WILL YOU PLEASE!!!!! Nobody else has complained recently.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 Days. So when you said we couldn't afford to go on holiday 'cos WE were saving for the latest BMW, you didn't mean it? You are correct it was a long time ago therefore it is null and void. However if you ask me again now the answer will still be the same for the same reason.

1. If you won't dress like the Ann Summer's girls, don't Expect us to act like soap opera guys Like Les Battersby? Like whoever!

1. If you think you're fat, You probably are.
Don't ask us And that's really a 12 pack you've got?? The difference being I never asked you in the hope that you would lie.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one Can I have a third option? Sure, have as many as you like. I still meant the first one.

1. You can either ask us to do something
Or tell us how you want it done.
Not both.
If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself
But we don't want you to feel totally inadequate. I don’t, so don’t let it stop you.

1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials
So five minutes into the match you don't want me to say I feel like giving you a BJ now then? No need to ask dear, just crack on. But if I get excited it is more likely to be a goal…

1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we. He ended up in the wrong bloody country! Nuff said. But at least he made it out of the end of his street and was able to park his ship which is considerably bigger than your Ford Ka.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.
Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is. So that shirt you have is really orange then? You should know, you bought me the awful thing for Christmas. I am watching football, who cares what I am wearing?

1. If it itches, it will be scratched , yes but the dog really can manage his own. If he is so clever then why can’t he learn to walk himself?

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," We will act like nothing's wrong.
We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle. As opposed to you not saying anything when we do tell you something is wrong? Silence is an acceptable way of not saying the wrong thing. Other men understand this why can’t women?

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an answer you don't want to hear. Last time I tell you I wouldn't swap you for George Clooney. If you think you can catch George Clooney, be my guest, I wouldn’t want to deny you the happiness. You best keep the front door key just in case though…

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine.Really Just 'cos you're prepared to be a slob....... But you aren’t, I know that. That is why the clothes that you keep are all nice and suit you. Therefore the first ones that you put on are always fine.

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as SEX, CARS or Football . I'm quite prepared to talk to you about how i fantatise about having sex in the back of a car with the latest hot centre forward if you really want to...... No problem, but can you do it during the commercials?

1. You have enough clothes. I know -I just do it to annoy you. You can annoy me in plenty of other ways without buying more clothes.

1. You have too many shoes. see above see above

1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape! If you were a Weeble- yes! Weeble or human, round is still a shape.

1. Thank you for reading this.
Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight;

But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping
YEEEEAAAAAAAA I FINALLY get the side of the bed I want!!!!!!!! You will only change your mind…
 
Jaysus. Thank God for that. When I saw Aldiniti started a topic about men I thought the world was on the brink of an extended period of lesbianism.
 
Originally posted by betsmate@Jan 25 2007, 01:40 AM
1. If you think you're fat, You probably are.
Don't ask us And that's really a 12 pack you've got?? The difference being I never asked you in the hope that you would lie.

Click to expand...
Classic now thats 2-1 to the guys. :lol:
 
I wasn't complaining about it taking hours. I just said it did. I have NEVER complained yet when a man has taken hours...................
 
Originally posted by Etta Place@Jan 26 2007, 08:42 AM
I wasn't complaining about it taking hours. I just said it did. I have NEVER complained yet when a man has taken hours...................
Click to expand...
:lol:

Rarer than hen's teeth, though, Etta..
 
We're talking about tidying-up and housekeeping, aren't we? You'll have to draw me pictures about anything else...
 
I've never heard it referred as either, but I am always willing to try new variations on a theme.........
 
God Etta, you mean you've got away with never having to play out the "doing the housework in the buff" fantasy ?

Luckeee ......


PS That's doing it in beige crimplene, Krizon, of course.
 
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