Motivation/Attitude advice (Teenager)

Aldaniti

Aldaniti

At the Start
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Just wondered if anyone out there could possibly give me some advice or point me in the right direction,

My son will be 17yrs old next month & is in his first year of a International Baccalaureate dip, he did extremely well at school with his GCSE's & came top of the class in pretty much all subjects,

We have now hit a problem, because the course he is now doing is filled with extremely high achievers jamie is having a moivation crisis, he is in the bottom end of the class & he thinks he isn't any good, we have spoken to the head of course & he is happy with Jamie, his termly report says he is achieving satisfactory or above in the targets the college has set based on his GCSE results,

They are doing some tests at college on tuesday to rule out any problems but having talked to Jamie tonight I really feel that this is all down to him talking himself down because he is no longer "top of the class"

His form tutor has said he seems to be lacking in concentration recently which fits in with him putting himself down all the time

Is there possibly any good motivation "Stuff" out there which could help?

Helen
 
Not sure Aldaniti but I did IB which may be able to help... (a few years ago!!!)

A lot of it has to do with applying yourself. If he is 17 he is probably in first year of IB so the first year is (relatively) unimportant. Just make sure to get at him the second year!

I dont wish to divulge anything personal but if you need any advice feel free to pm me.)

Peter.
 
I think this is an interesting subject, especially with regard to pupils in smaller schools. Being a Governor of two small rural schools with relatively small classes, bright pupil can often stick out like sore thumbs and receive a disproportionate amount of attention - in much the same way kids right at the other end of the spectrum do. It's wonderful they get a lot of encouragement but then I think sometime trouble is built up when they transition to the next school, which is nearly always much bigger, with a broader range of abilities and, all of a sudden, that 'bright' child isn't as bright as everyone believed (especially their parents) and a sort of disappointment follows. This usually occurs between primary and secondary schools and there's more time for the child to find their level and adjust.

In children which develop a little later (I was one - very average indeed until about 14/15 when the penny dropped and I accelerated away), they are far more aware of the consequences of achieving, are more used (as in Jamie's case maybe) to being at the top and, when they find they aren't in the very top flight as they were in their former school when they get to higher education, disappointment hits hard and demotivation follows.

Difficult to know how to handle such children because it's natural and right to want to encourage them to achieve to the max and, of course, there's a pressure from the school for such children to score highly in SATs etc in order to move/keep the school in a good position on the scoreboard.

But whichever way you look at it, it's always going to be a lesson all of us have to learn at some point in life - that there are others who do better and if you want to change that, then you either have to work harder or you accept you're doing the very best you can (as in Jamie's case). It sounds like everyone around him is doing everything they can to reassure him maybe pointing out other areas he excels over his peers could also work - sheer common sense for example!!
 
If it is a motivational thing due to his perception that he's not top of the class anymore him than it's a good opportunity to show what he's made of. Maybe you could sell it to him that way too. There is always going to be somebody out there who has more talent. People who reach the top in their chosen field aren't the ones with the most talent, They'are the ones who knuckle down and scrap when things get tough. He should be old enough to grasp this concept. He has an opportunity to prove to himself that he can be tough. Good luck I hope it works out.

P.s. Being in such a high achieving environment has to be good in the long run.
 
I was thinking along the same lines as Sheikh - how competitive a personality does he have?
 
Sounds like a maiden hurdler tacking handicap company for the first time. Just be patient with him - let him find his level and he'll be fine.
 
More of an introvert than anything, I wouldn't say he a competitive personality,

Have trouble with my internet connection tonight so will reply more in depth when it sorts itself out!
 
I have a 17yo in Maynooth Uni doing History and something :whistle:, and he loves it. He was always a lazy bugger (well he didn't lick it up off the road) but loves what he is doing at the moment - I wish I did it myself instead of the IT rubbish that was all the rage when I was in college. Does your son really enjoy what he is at currently or was it suggested to him?
 
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No we let him choose, the topics he really did well with at school are the ones he is having trouble concentrating on now which seems odd!

He wants to get into Biomedical sciences & he had a better chance of doing that with the IB course rather than just A levels (apparently)

If Jamie doesn't want to do anything you soon find out believe me!!!
 
O.K, but flipent this, but high expectations can be a killer, sounds like someone is expecting to much of themselves/others. Thats not to say he shouldn't want to achieve highly, but believe me, there are mothers and fathers of teenage boys whose sons are in young offenders institutions/mental institutions, these people really have something to seriously worry about. Can't write yourself off at 17, got to have a reality check and put things in perspective - that is one thing I would think a boy of his intelligence should try and learn.
 
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You have all probably giggled at the battle-ground I call the relationship I have with my dear daughter. But, that scenario tends to support the following case, I did get some particualr messages over to my sons and they are strong achieving individuals – but Sarah could never take on-board my motivations and she definitely struggles under pressure. Still, if it might help you Aldaniti:

I tried to impress upon all my children three ideas:

Firstly, that they should try and evolve a mind set that ‘looks after people around them rather than one which competes ’. In my view competition simply raises stress levels, competition at a young age is irrelevant but developing a stonger purpose is.

Secondly, and I know this sounds a bit stupid, develop an enjoyment of reading the question rather than one of finding the answer - the fun then becomes the journey itself rather than the destination.

Lastly, a message I took from an American project manager and which has always seen me right: the only thing you can ever guarantee is time (every other resource ebbs and flows), time ticks by at a constant speed so let that control your program of work. Thus, for a student of 17/18 you might consider a weekly effort of 40 hours adequate (I would) - after deducting pure lecture hours, divide what is left into evening and weekend packages but leave one day at the weekend completely free. After all, even the good Lord rested on the Sabbath.

Has your son got a specific university in mind, having guided my three through that difficult time I can appreciate your sense of unease.

Hope things improve - MR2
 
Would say that the city rather than the university is the most important thing. As long as it has decent teaching staff one course in English is the same as another (for want of a better example). One question I had to ask myself at the time I was choosing was:
Where do I want to spend the next 3 years - Sheffield or Keele? - it was a pretty easy question to answer and I loved Uni and the lectures, social side and competition on the sportsfield (and in the bar).

College is about passing exams Helen and gaining qualifications that people at University are interested in seeing, you'll learn more from just being aware of what's going on around you, certain things commentators might say on TV, reading the newspaper, wikipedia (I know it's deeply flawed but there are some great gems), references in films, pub quizes etc. than you'll learn from an institute of learning. My mum commented to a friend that I knew so much and she had no idea how I learnt some of the stuff I had as it was totally unrelated to either what I'd done at college/Uni or the things I seemed interested in.

As long as your son is doing what he wants to do then there's only so much parents can do. He'll learn at his own pace and if after 14 years of being top of his class he's a bit bored of it I would be too. As has been mentioned before teachers, schools, lecturers etc. should leave competition to the sportsfield. The way the jobs market is going and in my own experience I've never been asked anything that I learnt in my degree other than friends in various awkward situations (ie. on housing law), nobody's asked me about the socio-economic status of Mexico or of gun crime in the Brazilian state of Sao Paulo, how many people in New Zealand are addicted to slot machines or the effect a racecourse has on the community etc.
 
I sounds to me as though your son might have some personal trouble holding him back and dragging down his self-confidence Helen. It sounds he's just the age when this kind of thing can happen. Maybe he isn't being accepted by the 'in-crowd' at the new place, maybe he's fallen in love, and been rejected? He could even be questioning his sexuality or something just as fundamental to his sense of himself, but unimagined by his parents.

Maybe he's the target of a teasing campaing or even bullying? Maybe there are new pressures on him from his peer-group to do things he knows you would disapprove of? Perhaps he has been assigned a teacher or mentor with whom he doesn't get along...

All kids of that age can get any damn thing quite out of proportion, but feel ashamed or at least reluctnat to come and discuss it with their Mums

I'd sit him down and have a long talk to try to gert to the bottom of what is really bothering him, as my instinct is he is disaffected with his work and his own academic achievements, for some other underlying reason
 
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Could be any one of a multitude of reasons. Important you get across that he can discuss anything with you and maybe just sharing any problem is enough. Also that you will support him whatever. Jeez what teenager doesnt have issues.
 
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