Don’t know where to begin with this place. Took two hours to find it. Stuck on the Bethlehem bypass for ages. Camel train broken down apparently. Wrong sort of sand. Had to crawl along at 2 mph anyway.....donkey’s head gasket gone. Never rent from cowboys.
Anyway finally found it (no signs, no maps, nothing) and you’ll never believe this: they’d lost our reservation. Girl on the desk totally clueless-didn’t speak a word of Aramaic. Where do they get these people? Demanded to see the manager but he was a complete waste of space. TOTAL numpty. Offered us ‘self catering studio’ out the back.
No en suite, no champagne, no jacuzzi under the stars. Just a shed, to be honest. You wouldn’t put a dog in there. Hadn’t been cleaned for months. Strong smell of animals, although that might have been me, three days on the road without access to plumbing. If the Romans really want to be popular why don’t they organise wayside shower blocks in every province ?
No furniture, not even a bed, but I managed to knock something up from a bit of timber lying round in the yard. (The Sleigh’-cedar-wood king size, hand finished and polished, 600 shekels, allow six weeks for delivery.)
The joint was heaving, so I nipped out for some falafels, and then we got our heads down. Just my luck, the middle of the night, the Missus goes into labour- nobody on reception, no service, nothing. No thanks to the blasted management, nipper arrived safe and well, but no cot. Managed to knock something up from a bit of timber lying around.(Olivewood Bassinet with rockers and carved canopy, 250 shekels delivered and assembled, in pink or blue, please specify.)
Then guess what? Nipper gives a little squeak, next thing you know there’s a crowd of bloody sheep farmers rubbernecking in at the window. Must have been an NFU meeting re the price of lamb in the bar or something. No privacy.
Anyway, just getting my head down again when three posh blokes turned up. One was an African geezer covered in bling. Must have been footballers-great blokes, they took a fancy to the nipper, and to do them credit, they did stump up big time, although the presents were pretty weird. Reckoned they’d been roasting chestnuts last night, least I think that’s what they said.
Asked them about the traffic and they told me they’d come via the A4319 as their StarNav had packed up. Had a good old moan about the Romans-overpaid, oversexed and over here ha ha. As for this census thingy- it’s an absolute shambles. They couldn’t put up a half decent shelf in my view, let alone run an empire.
Once the footballers had gone was hoping for a bit of shuteye, but horrendous racket from the people upstairs with singing, trumpets playing , Alleluia Allelluia Alleluia all the blasted night, couldn’t sleep a blinking wink.
Not in the best of moods at breakfast, but the Missus kept a low profile – that woman’s got the patience of a saint – and the nipper refrained from bawling, so must count my blessings I suppose......Needless to say , had to go out to find any grub. OD’d on figs - will live to regret it, oops already have.
Managed to rent fresh donkey and was just setting out when shiny bloke appeared and suggested we go via the B5168. More congestion I expect.
If you’re tempted to shack up at this joint – take my advice , don’t bother.
Reviews
The Old Stables, Bethlehem Rating 1 / 10
“Don’t go there, tis a dump “ Chippy Joe Dec 27th.
