Originally posted by Grand Armee@Jan 20 2008, 09:58 PM
Unsure how the British insurance market works,
Allow me to enlighten you.
First you ring a freephone number and it gets answered straight away, or your email is returned within 5 minutes if that's your preferred modus operandi. You think about it, and sign up to all sorts of good sounding things, and usually feel a sense of security and protection. :luv:
Then you come to claim on it (which is when things get tricky)
You have to ring a different number now, which transpires to be a disused lighthouse off the coast of Newfoundland and is staffed by a one armed, one eyed, deaf man who only works every other Thursday afternoon.
You'll be required to key in all sorts of numbers, (account number, policy number, DoB, shoe size, personal best time for the 25 metres breastroke, and as many irrelevant and awkward questions as possible) "
so that we can handle your call more efficiently".
Eventually an automated American voice will tell you "
I'm sorry. I did not recognise that last instruction", and triggers a default to the start the whole wretched sequence again. After hundreds of attempts to break through this trial by numbers, you will eventually get a ring tone. Don't be fooled. Another American voice will interupt it. Again, don't make the mistake of starting a conversation with this pre-recorded loop as soon as you first hear a human voice. Not only is this embarrasing, but its primarily designed to build up your hopes, and then crush them. Pyschological warfare you see, they're trying to break down your morale and will to go on.
This voice will tell you that "
all our operators are busy at the moment" (that's the one armed, one eyed man remember) "
but your call is important to us. Please hold until one of our operators becomes available". Now don't swear at it whatever you do. Some systems have key word recognition and will terminate your call this point if they hear certain obscenities.
About 6 months later you get through, and the retired lighthouse keeper will ask your all the same questions that you've spent the previous Autumn keying into the phone pad, before tellingl you that your claim really needs to be handled by his Ulan Bator office.
Six months later, you'll get through to them having endured the same series of obstacles, quite possibly encountering the "
all our offices are closed at present, and only open every new moon" message. Eventually, they'll send you out a form, which you dutifully fill in, and then hear nothing from then again.
In the meantime you'll get your renewal reminder and discover that your premium has gone through the roof. At this point you'll threaten to switch your business and they'll make some coded threat about not settling your claim. Foolishly you acquiesce and remain a customer and set about having to chase the claim down yourself.
The next time you get through to Ulan Bator, you'll be informed that they've had a corproate restructure, or been taken over and this has resulted in a rationalisation of their claims handling section. It has now been out sourced to a detention camp in Cuba.
The person who was dealing with your claim "
isn't available" when you get through to them, but will "
ring you back as soon as they return". The problem with this though, is that their unavailability is down to the fact they no longer work there. After a few more months you grow suspicious and try them again.
Eventually you get through, and are told that an accessor will contact you, and that you had better have a 100% cast iron memory recall, and enough evidence to prosecute a corrupt jockey trial to back up your claim. Even if you have, they normally invoke some hidden clause which was contained on the reverse side of the polciy in invisible ink, which you were advised to read under a flourescent light through telepathy. Some of the more crafty firms conceal this message in Egyptian hyrographics cunningly disguised into the corporate crest at the top of their policy.
This basically entitles you to next to nothing, but as a gesture of goodwill they agree to pay you out 5% of your claim in 36 months time.
I hope that helps you Grand Armee
