The Origional Dear Aunty Kri

trudij

trudij

Senior Jockey
Joined
Sep 15, 2003
Messages
5,669
Location
Hurry up and move!!
Dear Aunty Kri.

Recently I attended a ball. Having never been to anything like this before, I was on my best behaviour, and amazing myself by being able to have coherent and interesting conversaions with the people sat either side of me ( neither of whom I'd ever met before ) on a table where I only knew 3 people out of 10. ( and they were all sat over the other side! ) The young lady on my right and I started to compare notes on the men we had spotted ( as girls seem to do at these things ) and we both agreed that on apart from a few, the standard was fairly low.

SO - my question is....

WHY OH WHY when I was doing so well, did I turn into a bumbling gibbering wreck when a certain ( male) TV presenter started to chat to me ( I think it was the smile that knocked me for six... ) I was fine until I realised that he wasnt going to ask me to move my chair so he could get past and expected some form of conversation.!! :blink: I hadnt had too much to drink - in fact, I was in that lovely state of happy that its nice to be in and I think I had even switched to water at that time! ( so maybe the grin put him off......) :cry:

I really diont think I will be in a situation like that again, but I need some witty repartee to keep conversation flowing - so that even when I am trying not to answer with what I am thinking (" I want to cover you in nutella and do rude things to you......") I can say bright and amusing things that make them think I am a highly exciting person... :( most of my conversation is difficult - I'm fine about horses, but off that, I am in trouble after about 5 minutes......

PLEASE HELP AUNTY K !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
 
Please tell me it wasn't "IT'S A PHOTOOOO" trudi.
icon_eek.gif
 
Dear Gibbering Wreck:

Why, my dear, you have only to look at the posting so helpfully put up on here about how women should strive for wedded bliss, but to see how one should behave towards attractive men in a social setting. Men are always flattered to be asked about their work, and to be complimented on how well they do it. Therefore, it would be entirely appropriate to inquire, in a quietly interested and non-gushing way, thus:

"How delightful to see you here, Mr Mattercole. It gives me an opportunity of telling you how very highly thought-of you are by so many people. I personally find your presentations bring so much more to my viewing pleasure than mere facts. You have such enthusiasm and insight. Tell me, was it always your ambition to work in a racing environment?"

The gentleman, attracted by female interest in him, will now proceed to entertain you on his past, present and planned future ambitions for the next three hours. During this time, do not interrupt, but smile pleasantly and occasionally nod your head in agreement at his pronouncements, laugh in a tinkling manner at any jokes (or attempts at jokes) that he makes, and under no circumstances yawn, roll your eyes, fidget, wave to friends across the room, or visit the lavatory.

If at the end of his monologue, he is forced to depart, and you decide that you wish further social intercourse, it is entirely appropriate in this modern age to offer the gentleman access to your telephone number. There need be no false pretext as to why you are offering this accessibility, since there is nothing so unattractive to a man as a devious woman. Simply offer your number with the smiling compliment that you have very much enjoyed his company, and if at any time in the future he is available for a shag, you'd be delighted to hear from him.

I'm sure you'll find this approach highly successful, Gibbering.

Warmly,

Auntie K.
 
Dear Aunty K


Thankyou for your reply - I will be sure to give this approach a try if I see him at New Year.

In between, I shall practice a tinkling laugh....


Yours

Gibbering from Dorset



P.S. Does that mean that tearing off my (and his ) clothes and jumping on him in the paddock is not a good idea???? Or should that be plan B ??
 
Back
Top