Diamond Geezer
Gone But Not Forgotten
- Joined
- May 2, 2003
- Messages
- 13,884
Went to the local chippie last night. There’s two bloke work in there who fancy themselves as singers right. There’s always a queue cos they’re so bloody slow and they try and cover this up by entertaining, (I use the word loosely,) the punters by singing. Round here we call them the Chip Shop Boys .Only problem is Elvis Junior insists on fitting words to his songs depending what he’s doing so we get stuff like “She’s got a chicken to ride” and “ Donuts make my brown eyes,blue”. We suspect he’s a woofter too as when he sings Purple Haze he goes “Excuse me why I kiss this guy”
Anyway I go in there last night and there’s these two lads and their girlfriends, holidaymakers, staring at a poster which says “Shark Steaks and chips,special offer”
The four of them are debating whether to try one.
“What’s it taste of Mrs” one of the lads says to the woman at the counter
“Shark” snaps Mrs Elvis Snr. She makes Mrs Raven, the receptionist in My Hero, look like Mary Poppins.
The kids go into a huddle, I can hear one of the girls whispering “I think it tastes like chicken”, “No its like cod” says the other. One of the lads sticks his chest out “Yeh I’ll try one then, one shark steak and chips please”
I’d love to have these mini shark fins made and stick one in the bag of chips to see their faces as they unwrapped them outside
“Won’t bite you know” she snarls. I’m not sure she realises the implication of her remark..The queue look the other way biting their lip trying not to look at each other.
“It’ll take eight minutes!” she barks. The others stare and decide they’ll try some of his. “Get some buttered rolls as well “ Talk about five loaves and two fishes.
Anyway the lad can’t find his wallet and pulls his pocket out and coins roll everywhere. “In your own time” she says sarcastically.Give her her dues though she’s got a memory like no one else. Soon as someone is in the door. “Next!” and she takes their order, doesn’t write it down. Twenty minutes later when she hands out the order its always right, even if it isn’t no one’s brave enough to challenge it.
Elvis Senior right , his hair looks like Russ Abbott’s used to when he did those sketches as a teddy boy. His hair’s that full of grease, if he shakes his head while he’s singing, the chips get overcooked. Although he fancies himself as Elvis he looks more like Pavarotti, we reckon he eats up all the tiddies that are left every night and is currently on five sacks a week. Actually come to think of it, he looks like a potato.You remember that kiddy game, Mr Potato Head, where they have this giant potato and stick different arms and legs and things in it…….well he could have been the template.
As I leave with my supper I see someone else looking at the poster for Shark Steak, “I’d go over to the Indian if I were you mate”
Anyway I go in there last night and there’s these two lads and their girlfriends, holidaymakers, staring at a poster which says “Shark Steaks and chips,special offer”
The four of them are debating whether to try one.
“What’s it taste of Mrs” one of the lads says to the woman at the counter
“Shark” snaps Mrs Elvis Snr. She makes Mrs Raven, the receptionist in My Hero, look like Mary Poppins.
The kids go into a huddle, I can hear one of the girls whispering “I think it tastes like chicken”, “No its like cod” says the other. One of the lads sticks his chest out “Yeh I’ll try one then, one shark steak and chips please”
I’d love to have these mini shark fins made and stick one in the bag of chips to see their faces as they unwrapped them outside
“Won’t bite you know” she snarls. I’m not sure she realises the implication of her remark..The queue look the other way biting their lip trying not to look at each other.
“It’ll take eight minutes!” she barks. The others stare and decide they’ll try some of his. “Get some buttered rolls as well “ Talk about five loaves and two fishes.
Anyway the lad can’t find his wallet and pulls his pocket out and coins roll everywhere. “In your own time” she says sarcastically.Give her her dues though she’s got a memory like no one else. Soon as someone is in the door. “Next!” and she takes their order, doesn’t write it down. Twenty minutes later when she hands out the order its always right, even if it isn’t no one’s brave enough to challenge it.
Elvis Senior right , his hair looks like Russ Abbott’s used to when he did those sketches as a teddy boy. His hair’s that full of grease, if he shakes his head while he’s singing, the chips get overcooked. Although he fancies himself as Elvis he looks more like Pavarotti, we reckon he eats up all the tiddies that are left every night and is currently on five sacks a week. Actually come to think of it, he looks like a potato.You remember that kiddy game, Mr Potato Head, where they have this giant potato and stick different arms and legs and things in it…….well he could have been the template.
As I leave with my supper I see someone else looking at the poster for Shark Steak, “I’d go over to the Indian if I were you mate”
:lol: :lol: could just be a chip of the old block.................