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My selection process throws up anything from 2 to 8 possible bets per day. Very often I start with a winner and then it all disappears later. My bets are mostly less than 6/1 so a good strike rate is essential. I have recently started stopping as soon as I show a profit and I’m trying not to...

Will all end in tears!

Don’t get too hidebound with systems and trust your instincts, if in doubt, leave it out. Mind you I don’t always take my own advice!

The angel Gabriel appeared to the shepherds and said “Behold I bring you good tidings!” The shepherds replied “What tidings?” The angel said “Tidings of great joy” The shepherds said “What joy?” The angel said “Joy that a saviour is born.” The shepherds said “What saviour?” The angel said “Shut...

Similar to Ian Davies, Titus Arsoles?

My advice is to specialise in whatever your favourite type of race is, handicap or novice, maybe top grade. This way it cuts the number of bets down. Keep records as detailed as possible to see what works. Avoid ‘talking horses’ they are never value and often disappoint. I use a simple rule of...

Mind you I did have a reputation for charming the rabbits out of the trees.

There’s only one girl for me and she should be Prime Minister. Never had much success with the girls. Up until I was 25 thought my name was Onyerbike!

I don’t want to blame Nico but he is bound to be apprehensive and this could well be picked up by the horse.

Woken up by a very pretty Indian nurse. Think I’m in love again!

Thank you all systems go, hope to be home at the weekend. They want lots of blood tests etc.

At my age I’d rather have a private performance from The Cheeky Girls than 3% of £2 million!

Never take the piss out of any well built nurse when she’s about to give you an injection!

I’m at the hospital now and it’s all systems go with the new treatment. Hopefully I’ll be home by Friday and then I think the plan is for me to attend every Wednesday.

Not even if I bribe you with a basket of our World famous watercress?

Good old fashioned Andrew’s Liver Salts would shift his secrets. Very good as a cough remedy also; you daren’t cough in case you shit yourself.

One of my favourites

Well….I still have no idea what you are talking about, some would say that I have no idea, period. I would like to know what happened to the unhappy bunnies that QC mentioned though.

Poor bugger’s scared stiff!

Well, that has confused me so much that I’ll have to go for a lie down.