Best Man's Speech

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trackside528

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Brother getting hitched in June and I've been asked (told would actually be a more accurate description!) to be his best man.

Pretty keen to make a good impression with the speech I must admit. Very fine balance to be struck between deprecating humour/wit and just coming across as a complete arsepart. At the other end of the spectrum there's the "so glad my older brother has found a partner he loves" bollocks that would make watching paint dry look riveting.

Anyone having been in the situation with any advice is welcome, as is any advice for that matter from anyone who's ever been at a wedding - which is everyone (I hope!).

Want to make it about 10 minutes long and apart from the last line* I've not made any decisions.

*A wise fella once told me that a best man's speech should only last as long as the groom can make love; in that case, I'm sorry to have wasted 9 and a half minutes minutes of your time...
 
Tracks, there are books available on the very subject, believe it or not! Try Amazon or toddle into your nearest bookseller's. If you Google up 'best man's speeches' there are some examples to be had. Quick basic checklist is:

Pay homage (but not in syrupy terms) to what a good bro he's been
Acknowledge what a charming bride he has, although she has a slightly strange taste in men
Acknowledge the new, wider family (any siblings, parents, dear old grampas of bride)
Recall one excruciatingly embarrassing event from bro's life (this is expected by all wedding guests - you'll only disappoint them if you don't)
Say how wonderful they look together and that everyone looks forward to comparing them in 20 years' time for their wedding anniversary bash...

That sort of stuff takes you from a little background to the present, and an optimistic eye to the future, thus covering all bases. Off-colour jokes are for the stag night, not the wedding reception, though.

Tracks, if you read aloud from a book for just ten minutes, you'll realise that it's actually quite a long time, so don't waffle for the sake of filling the time. Better to run to 5, 7 at most, or people begin to fidget, and you're not expected to run through a whole list of acknowledgments. It's up to the groom to thank everyone for making their day, inc. the bridesmaids, Mums and Dads, so you can leave all the eternal gratitude stuff to him!

Keep calm, relax your shoulders, take a good deep breath, and remember to look around the room and specifically at certain people, like your bro. Do not put your hands in pockets or lean on the table - behind your back is okay. Smile all the time - if helps to relax your voice and you'll look like you're having a good time. (Practise smiling when you practise your speech on unsuspecting friends.) Turn and acknowledge the radiant couple at the end when you announce "To the bride and groom" and don't forget to have some champers in your glass when you raise it!

Best of luck! I love weddings!
 
Cheers, Krizon - couldn't have asked for a better template!

Public speaking has never been an issue for me before so there's no worries on that score. It's just striking the right balance between humour and praise that has me slightly concerned.

Interesting point about the off-colour jokes. Thinking about it a bit more, the one I mentioned above seems a shade on the risque side. Knowing my side of the family from weddings past, it will go down a storm, though I must admit I'm not all that familiar with many on the bride's side of the family. Undecided on that particular score for now.
 
Get yourself off to a good start. I used 'Can I just say on behalf of the Bride and Groom how happy they are to see so many wonderful friends, familiy and work companions here today. They are eternally grateful. Me personally, I wish none of ye had turned up and my job here today would be all the easier'
 
Any involving sex and the bride or groom has never gone down that well at any weddings I have been to....kind of cringe worthy in fact.
 
Can I just second that? I was at an otherwise really enjoyable wedding where a risque joke was made and in the ensuing silence I swear I heard a mouse break wind.

One of the best speeches I ever heard came when the best man told us why the start of the wedding had been 20 minutes late. The bride's village - where the wedding was taking place - was 15 minutes drive from the groom's house. The wedding was due to take place at 11.00 am and after a few 'last night of freedom' drinks, the groom and best man woke up at 10.30 am.

The best man left the house without the wedding rings, but realised halfway to the church and flagged down the wedding car on its way to pick up the bride. The wedding car driver then took the house keys, got the rings and dropped them off at the church before haring off to fetch the bride.

The best man told this story so wittily that everyone present was in tears of laughter - as he said, it was so much better than anything else he'd prepared that he had to use it.
 
No one listens to the best man's speech. Your either too busy necking as much wine as you can before the meal is over or you're trying to work out how distant exactly your pretty distant cousin is, as she eyes you up from across the table.
 
Some good ideas here (Gearoid's bridesmaid rap will hopefully be my night-cap...).

Seriously re-considering using the last line (or anything anyway sexual). That said, I'm convinced the key, despite Krizon's (excellent) template is to incorporate as much originality as possible.
 
Do you know the difference between trying to be funny and actually being funny? As no one ever listens or remembers the best man's speech, I quite like the idea of 3/4 quick pints and see what happens. If it all goes tits up, read a few cards and pass the microphone on.
 
I have done two best man's speeches.

One for my brother, which went really well.
And one for a mate, which went really badly.

I was far more comfortable talking about my brother, as I know him as well as anybody, and was able to judge the crowd as I went along, and make it up as I went along.

With my friend, half the 'jokes' I had were used by the father of the bride or by the groom, so I was rattled. And I hadn't had enough looseners before the speech.

So my advice is to compare your speeches with the others, get half licked and have Plans B and C.
 
Bar the Bull said:
With my friend, half the 'jokes' I had were used by the father of the bride or by the groom, so I was rattled. And I hadn't had enough looseners before the speech.
Click to expand...

I think that's the pretty much the status quo with wedding speeches. I've yet to hear an original joke and all the back slapping and tear jerking plumb pulling make the the not so distant cousin even more attractive.
 
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