Dictionary For Decoding Womens Personal Ads

P

prince regent

Conditional
Joined
May 2, 2003
Messages
588
40-ish................................49.

Adventurous.......................Slept with everyone.

Athletic...............................No breasts.

Average looking....................Moooo.

Beautiful..............................Pathological liar.

Emotionally Secure................On medication.

Feminist................................Fat.

Free spirit............................Junkie.

Friendship first......................Former slut.

New-Age............................Body hair in the wrong places.

Old-fashioned.......................No BJs.

Open-minded.......................Desperate.

Outgoing.............................Loud and Embarrassing.

Professional..........................Bitch.

Voluptuous..........................Very Fat.

Large frame.........................Hugely Fat.

Wants Soul mate..................Stalker.


WOMEN'S ENGLISH:

1. Yes = No

2. No = Yes

3. Maybe = No

4. We need = I want

5. I am sorry = You'll be sorry

6. We need to talk = You're in trouble

7. Sure, go ahead = You better not

8. Do what you want = You will pay for this later

9. I am not upset = Of course, I am upset, you moron!

10. You're certainly attentive t.. Is sex all you ever think
about?


MEN'S ENGLISH:

1. I am hungry = I am hungry

2. I am sleepy = I am sleepy

3. I am tired = I am tired

4. Nice dress = Nice cleavage!

5. I love you = Let's have sex now

6. I am bored = Do you want to have sex?

7. May I have this dance? = I'd like to have sex with you.

8. Can I call you sometime? = I'd like to have sex with you.

9. Do you want to go to a movie? = I'd like to have sex with you.

10. Can I take you out to dinner? = I'd like to have sex with you.

11. I don't think those shoes go with that outfit = I'm gay
 
How many times do I have to ask contributors to read the pinned postings - DO NOT REPOST IF YOU GET MAIL ERROR I have just deleted four copies of this thread
 
Originally posted by Ardross@Nov 7 2005, 01:09 PM
How many times do I have to ask contributors to read the pinned postings - DO NOT REPOST IF YOU GET MAIL ERROR I have just deleted four copies of this thread
Click to expand...
I think it's good that you get the chance to delete a few threads; you do it so rarely that I am surprised you still remember the process.
 
Sorry to see the effect a weekend of heavy drinking has had on your wit :P

Those brain cells are precious BTB
 
Poor old Prince Regent - he only comes out once in a blue moon, and then gets 500 lines and detention after skool! I liked them, PR. I'd also add, in the interest of further jollity (and hopefully with just one posting!):

Caring and loving: duz oo wook a wittle bitty tiredy-wiredy toonighty?

Liberal-minded: you, you, you, and your mate are welcome, too

Intellectual: I can't wait to humiliate you in front of your friends

Loves animals: so now you know your place - after the dog, the three cats, the two parrots, the fish, the gerbil, and the squirrels outside

Enjoys parties, clubbing, fun nights out: permanently on Ecstasy

Enjoys quiet nights in: don't you DARE try meeting anyone else!

Enjoys the finer things in life: prepare to shop 'til YOU drop, and she goes on to a three-day break at the Spa
 
I always thought that meant 'you won't get a word in edgeways', Pee! Or is that 'outgoing personality'?

But, in the interest of balance, we ought to look at the blokes' section of the Lonely Hearts' Club, surely?

Kindly, caring: I used to get beaten up a lot at school

Non-smoker, teetotal, vegetarian Christian: but otherwise, I'm really tolerant

Athletic, outdoorsy type: cheap walking holidays off-season

Enjoys the finer things in life: but you pay for your share, okay?

6', well-built, considered nice-looking: by his Mum

Own home, car, business: but not his own teeth

Busy professional, many interests: I might squeeze you in on Thursdays, 3.30 pm

Intellectual, eclectic interests: if you understood 'eclectic', you're too bright for me

Down-to-earth, home-loving guy: slob, dog hairs everywhere, beer cans in the loo
 
Originally posted by krizon@Nov 8 2005, 03:33 PM
Athletic, outdoorsy type: cheap walking holidays off-season
Click to expand...
In the case of women that must surely be -

Athletic, outdoorsy type : solid; rugby player or German shotputter
 
EAST

FATIMA WHITBREAD was recognised as the nearest thing to an Apess that has been produced by the UK since thingy wrote the Tarzan books
 
:D These ARE fun, aren't they? More Sad Blokes:

Mature student, needs mothering: Peter Pan, no job, titty fixation

Bi-male, loves socializing: if you don't fancy me, how about your brother?

Happy-go-lucky extrovert: done for flashing last year

Old rocker, Harley, Rotty, beard: pacemaker, hip replacement, diabetic

Ballroom dancer, loves glamorous evenings: closet gay, lives with Mum

Heartbroken, seeking love after let-down: seeking a screw on the first date, really

Old-fashioned values, nostalgic, romantic: that drink cost only 1s 6d back in 1967, you know?
 
Got an alternative for one of yours, Kri....

Heartbroken, seeking love after let-down: lunatic; obssesive stalking type
 
:( Fortunately, my own experiences have been limited to no worse than:

"Let's get married" --- "Er, well, sorry about that - it seemed a good idea at the time..." :cry:

"Let's go out for dinner" --- "Oh, good grief! I've forgotten my wallet again!" :what:

"Let's just pop into this shop" --- "Oh, good grief! I've forgotten my wallet again!" h:)

"Come and stay this weekend" --- "Um, could you bring a pillow, your own towels, some soap, maybe pick up a few groceries on the way, and I've just realized there's no Scotch... " :angy:

"Of course there's no-one else. If I wanted to leave you, I'd tell you." --- "Erm, I'm, er, I - I've been thinking of staying in, ahhh, town for a bit, but I'll, erm, well, see you this weekend. Probably. No! No! Of course I'm not leaving..." :unsure:

Such sport! :lol:
 
Originally posted by krizon@Nov 10 2005, 03:12 AM
"Come and stay this weekend" --- "Um, could you bring a pillow, your own towels, some soap, maybe pick up a few groceries on the way, and I've just realized there's no Scotch... " :angy:
Click to expand...
Sounds like me this weekend.... :lol: :lol:
 
GSOH Men: pig ugly
Women: dog ugly

Needs TLC Men: HIV+
Women Divorced 4 times.

Reserved Men: Stutters
Women: Has appointments evert thirty minutes.

Racing Type Men: Skint
Women: Looks like a horse
 
You'll be lucky, Paul!! I'm sorry but I have to draw the line somewhere......and I refuse to pay God knows how much in excess baggage just so I can bring my pillows & duvet back with me!!!!
 
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