Jokes

  • Thread starter Thread starter Derek.Burgess
  • Start date Start date
I like nasty jokes, please post it PDJ.

In fact, here's one now.

Q. What has three legs and lives on a farm?
A. Paul McCartney and Heather Mills.
 
On their way to get married, a young couple are involved in a fatal car accident. The couple find themselves sitting outside the Pearly Gates waiting for St. Peter to process them into Heaven.

While waiting, they begin to wonder: Could they possibly get married in Heaven? When St. Peter shows up, they ask him. St. Peter says, "I don't know. This is the first time anyone has ever asked that question. Let me go find out," and he leaves.

The couple sat and waited for an answer ...... for a couple of months.

While they waited, they discussed that IF they were allowed to get married in Heaven, SHOULD they get married, what with the eternal aspect of it all and everything...

"What if it doesn't work?" they wondered, "Are we stuck together FOREVER?"

After yet another month, St. Peter finally returns looking somewhat bedraggled. "Yes," he informs the couple, "good news. You CAN get married in Heaven."

"Great!" say the couple, "But we were just wondering, what if things don't work out? Could we also get a divorce in Heaven?"

St. Peter, red-faced with anger, slams his clipboard onto the ground.

"What's wrong?" ask the frightened couple.

"OH, COME ON!" St. Peter shouts, "It took me three months to find a priest
up here! Do you have ANY idea how long it'll take me to find a feckin' lawyer?!"
 
That joke is even older than 221bar1's lawyer jokes . It's close relative the boundary dispute between God and The Devil joke, with the same punchline was told by Dave Allen on telly in the early 70s
 
If you have not heard the joke then it is new and although your Mark P joke has been heard on here I haven't seen it soooo ...... can't wait
 
My Fav old joke:

Man is admitted to hospital with leg injuries and after having Xrays etc the consultant says to the man " I have some bad news and good news"
"The bad news is that one of your legs has to come off but the good news is that Mr Evans in the next bed wants to buy your slippers"
 
:D to that and, as I hadn't heard the joke Brian told, :D to that, too! Ahh... Dave Allen. Is the dear man still alive? What a marvellous teller of funny tales.
 
Speaking from experience - "What do you call a musician without a girlfriend ? "




" Homeless " :lol:
 
ONLY 68? Dear soul, I thought he'd be in his eighties! Bless him. My mother and I always watched his show, and were in constant tears of mirth. Loved his quiet, confiding manner, as if it was just you and him together. Then the punchline, spot on. No hysterical bawling and shouting up and down the stage for him.
 
There is a programme about him at 11.30 a.m on Radio 4 this morning . The sketch when confession boxes turned into dodgem cars lingers long in the memory
 
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