Let's Solve Ireland's Troubles

  • Thread starter Thread starter Phil Waters
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There is a TV program on Charlie Haughey tonight at 9.30 on RTE 1. I don't know what access youz crowd have to RTE, or what angle the program is taking but, love him or loathe him, he is an interesting little man.
 
It's the start of a serial about his life.

Tonight's first show looks back at his early life, training as a lawyer and an accountant and his emergence in politics.

Does tonight's showing trouble you?
 
I was thinking that if the troubles of Ireland could be listed in this thread, I would go through them all one by one and hopefully offer solutions.
 
#2 Potatoes with everything

#3 Unpronounceable language that only Hobbits understand

#4 Leprechauns, tinkers, and rovers

#5 Songs about leprechauns, tinkers, and rovers

#6 Dancing with your arms stuck to your sides

#7 Endless babble about Guinness, Murphys, and whiskey

#8 Drunken endless babble about Guinnessssh, Muffys, and wizzkay

#9 Pointless ramblings about best horses, best jockeys, best wizzkay

#10 Giving the world themed Oirish pubs full of #5 and #8 above

How's that for starters, young Phillippe?
 
One at a time, Krizon.

#1 is not a trouble as such. It is an occurrence that finds itself subject to people's approval or disapproval, depending on its benefits or consequences.
 
Actually, #1 was indeed a great trouble, Phil. Or rather, its' failure as Ireland's staple crop in the early 1800s was, leading to mass starvation and the slow death of over a third of the Irish people, while the English did little to alleviate the appalling suffering.

Out of such woe came the emigration of survivors to the New World, which has given rise to the annual raucousness which is St Patrick's Day, celebrated by thousands of 'Kelly green'-clad Americans, over a third of whose bellies are bulging like overladen barges, thanks to the overconsumption of ... French fries.

Funny Old, and New, World, innit?
 
Bugger! I meant #2, of course! :confused: I know I'm lousy with figures, but I thought I could at least keep track from 1 to 2... :(
 
Yes, number 2 was a great trouble and I would address it if it wasn't for my policy of only addressing current troubles. :D
 
Some people might suggest interfering Scotsmen- though present company is of course excepted
 
The most pressing issue at the moment is too many horses, too few races. Everything else is peripheral flim-flam. <_<
 
Was there 2 guys on the comedians that used to impersonate Ian Paisley? I seem to remember one saying to the other "Why did God give the Arabs the oil and the Irish the potatoes" to which the other replied "He gave the Irish first choice".
 
:lol:

I was in Ireland a few month back and like black people being refused cabs in New York, I was refused a cab because I was English - turns out Chris Rock wasn't paranoid after all.

Good to see a light hearted thread for Ireland, otherwise I prolly would have offended somebody if I gave my serious views on the country.
 
I was in Ireland a few month back and like black people being refused cabs in New York, I was refused a cab because I was English - turns out Chris Rock wasn't paranoid after all
Click to expand...

It is a well known fact that Irish taxi drivers will never give an English tourist a lift. However by putting on an Irish accent (Alway's start declarations of intent with "Oi'll") and adding "at all, at all" to the end of every sentence you will blend in seemlessly with the natives. More confident visitors may wish to combine this with an aggressive manner ("Oi'll box yer shnot if ye don't get me there quick enough ye Bashtard, at all at all") and they may not even notice the Union Jack shorts.
 
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