Serious Topic

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Lee Chater

At the Start
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This forum has a good cross section of ages, male, females and interlects I would appreciate your opinions.

If a man who is of an advancing age, had for 25 years doubted that he was the biological father of the lad he had raised ( lad now 36 ) , would you want to know or die with the question mark ?
 
I'd want to know. 25 hours of doubting would be enough, let alone 25 years! It would change very little, though - he's still raised the lad, and all the genetics in the world won't diminish the effect of that.
 
IT really depends on that person I would have thought? If the person found out, would he then treat the so called son differently to how he now treats him, or would the bond then be greater?

I think it depends on the person if HE really wants to know..... a very difficult choice to be made!

There are also a few considerations to be made before this? Are you now divorced from the son’s mother and in a fit of temper 25 yrs ago she said that you were not the father of her son? And it has bugged you all these years?

You have now split with the mother and gone through an acrimonious divorce and are looking to put things right which you have had your doubts of, for over 25yrs ..............

I really think its up to the individual and his state of mind at the present time, and does he want to know the truth?...

But good luck in your quest it seems to me a very difficult choice to be made.....
 
Being adopted, I can understand how this sort of thing affects lives.

Yes, I would want to know, but for me, it wouldn't change anything. I suspect the answer would probably just confirm what you already know anyway.
 
I'd ask Jeremy Kyle.

Seriously though i think Merlins reply is very sensible and i agree with him.
 
You can't tell for sure how you would feel unless you are the person involved. However I ws very surprised to read not long ago that as high as one in eight (from memory) children were not fathered by the person who thinks that they are the parent.
 
Is that a world statistic, LordH, or just the British figure? Says something about women too.
 
Does it really matter? What makes a dad anyway? I've been with Mr GG since my eldest daughter was six weeks old. Her biological father left me when I was three months pregnant with her. He has chosen to have very little contact with her. He doesn't know her favourite foods, her likes and dislikes, he's never read her a bedtime story, been to a school sports day or nativity play, never looked after her when she's been sick, doesn't know how to make her laugh or be happy and has never voluntarily spent a penny on her. Mr GG knows her inside out, she calls him Daddy and he has provided for her financially ever since she was a year old and we moved in together. She knows he isn't her biological father but to her it makes no difference, he has always been her Daddy and she worships him like any little girl loves their Daddy.

I know it's slightly different because everybody in my case knows the facts, but it's not changed a thing.
 
It has nothing to do with revenge, up until this year I had never told anyone only the mother, this year I mentioned it to one of my sisters who had always wondered... and then confirmed that another sister had the same doubts.

The lad ( 35 ) and I have always had an exceptional relationship and is now that of mates ( warts and all ) but retains the father respect aspect.

When you raise a child from birth, whether you are the biological one or not makes no difference to your relationship.
The general concensus is, that a child has the right to know who their biological parent is, surely a parent has the same right ?

The doubts originated because of a situation at the time and got worse as the lad grew older, I have spent literally hundreds of hours thinking over the years and have yet to think of one positive reason why I am the father.

I wouldn't want him to know but I think you have to have the consent of all parties who give DNA although there is a company called Anglian ?? who will work from samples of chewing gum or a hair which must be complete with the follicle.

He is a very bright lad ( 2.1 in astro physics ) but he has a pretty low opinion of his mother already so knowing the doubts I have wouldn't help at all.

The odds are on me just accepting the doubts but I don't know for sure, I have to think of his feelings, it would be ideal if I could find out without him knowing.

Those stats are interesting Brian as I have always said that there must be thousands of people raising children who are not the real parent.
 
Yu may have already tried this once, but ask the mother who she was aquainted with around 9 months before th ebirth & try to establish that way?

if it were me, id be eager to know, but say if the real father was someone i knew it could make things 10 times worse than they already are.
 
As I said above jft; "The doubts originated because of a situation at the time"

If I am not the true father, I would not be interested in who actually is.
 
Originally posted by BrianH+Nov 26 2006, 07:43 PM--></div><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td>QUOTE (BrianH @ Nov 26 2006, 07:43 PM)</td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'> <!--QuoteBegin-DIVER@Nov 26 2006, 05:43 PM
Is that a world statistic, LordH, or just the British figure? Says something about women too.
Click to expand...
It was in GB but I can't remember the precise number. [/b][/quote]
I believe it was 1 in 10.
 
I have a fridge magnet which says

'Anyone can be a Father, it takes someone special to be a Daddy'

my #1 son looks on Mr Raksha as his Dad, even though for 11 years we both lived with somebody else - somebody who doesn't even remember his sons birthday.........

It sounds to me like you ARE this chaps 'Dad'.......
 
Originally posted by Merlin the Magician@Nov 26 2006, 03:42 PM
IT really depends on that person I would have thought? If the person found out, would he then treat the so called son differently to how he now treats him, or would the bond then be greater?
Click to expand...
Merlin makes a good point.

Personally speaking, I wouldn't be convinced that my interactions with the person could remain entirely consistent if it turned out that he wasn't my child. Therefore I would lock it up in the "things to be forgotten - not to be opened under any circumstances, beware when opening to place something else inside - filing cabinet".
 
Brian also made a good point that you don't know how you would feel unless you were that person involved.

I am that person and know how I would feel, a 35 year relationship with a lad would only change if I were a shallow person.
It would not only be I that was deceived but him also and if anything, I would feel closer.
 
Originally posted by BrianH@Nov 26 2006, 05:18 PM
However I ws very surprised to read not long ago that as high as one in eight (from memory) children were not fathered by the person who thinks that they are the parent.
Click to expand...
You've been rumbled, Brian ;)
 
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