Sex
- Thread starter Songsheet
- Start date
K
Kathy
Guest
Definitely overrated.
I prefer a cup of tea and a doughnut!
I prefer a cup of tea and a doughnut!
BrianH
At the Start
Gets my vote
K
Kathy
Guest
for the tea and doughnut? :huh:
Evidently, nice doughnuts to be had in Lingfield High Street. I will get Krizon to get you a bumper bag of them next time she is working.
Evidently, nice doughnuts to be had in Lingfield High Street. I will get Krizon to get you a bumper bag of them next time she is working.
G
Griffin
Guest
Couldn't agree moreOriginally posted by Kathy@Apr 22 2005, 10:07 AM
Definitely overrated.
I prefer a cup of tea and a doughnut!
BrianH
At the Start
No, I wasn't voting for the tea and doughnut party - I was voting for the opposition led by Songsheet.
Hi All
Talking of 'sex', this middle aged woman wanted to get down 'below' tightened and tidied up a bit to enhance the so called thrill of sex. She went to the nip and tuck man who duly booked her in for the operation. After hours in the operating theatre she came round in her ward and noticed 3 bunches of flowers on the bed side cabinet.
She asked the surgeon who they were from and he replied :
This one's from your loving husband to say thanks for going through the pain barrier to make sex better for you both.
This ones form me to say thanks as you have been a model patient,
and this ones from the man in the severe burns unit to say thanks for his new ears !!!
let the flak begin.
Cheers
Trevor
Talking of 'sex', this middle aged woman wanted to get down 'below' tightened and tidied up a bit to enhance the so called thrill of sex. She went to the nip and tuck man who duly booked her in for the operation. After hours in the operating theatre she came round in her ward and noticed 3 bunches of flowers on the bed side cabinet.
She asked the surgeon who they were from and he replied :
This one's from your loving husband to say thanks for going through the pain barrier to make sex better for you both.
This ones form me to say thanks as you have been a model patient,
and this ones from the man in the severe burns unit to say thanks for his new ears !!!
let the flak begin.
Cheers
Trevor
K
Kathy
Guest
OK so Songsheet is leader of the Talking Horses Sex party. Does that mean you are going to be underneath her Brian, I mean as in her deputy? :shy:
(Could Shadow Leader please make note that this thread is a JOKE!)
This is far more fun than politics!
:lol: @ Trevor
Honest Tom
At the Start
- Joined
- May 2, 2003
- Messages
- 1,272
Presumably you're a Cavalier as opposed to a roundhead Maurice.
I remember at primary school this boy saying to me "you've got a funny one" to which I replied "no, you've got a funny one". He then added "but mine's is the same as Neil's". Left me emotionally scarred for years that did, until I seen a sex education programme in my early teens which showed both a Cavalier and a Roundhead and stated "both work equally as well".
D'you know this I would love it, JUST LOVE IT, if I was on a beach one day and saw that boy and his pal Neil getting carried into an ambulance screaming as a result of having got sand trapped under their bleedin foreskins.
K
Kathy
Guest
Maurice, try one of the doughnuts with a hole in the middle (loadsa fun to be had evidently) and try a COLD strawberry milkshake next time! Watch out for that straw though. B)
BrianH
At the Start
I once owned a share in a horse with Francesca Annis's ex, Pat Wiseman. He is a nice guy. When she went of with Ralph Fiennes the kids stayed with Pat.
Hi HT
Went into business myself turning foreskins into purses, wife din't think much of it and asked what's the use of having a foreskin purse, you can't get much in it, to which I replied, if she rubbed it hard enough it turned into a suitcase!!!
Regards
Trevor
Went into business myself turning foreskins into purses, wife din't think much of it and asked what's the use of having a foreskin purse, you can't get much in it, to which I replied, if she rubbed it hard enough it turned into a suitcase!!!
Regards
Trevor
Honest Tom
At the Start
- Joined
- May 2, 2003
- Messages
- 1,272
:lol:
Hi Guys
HOW THEY ALL HAVE SEX
ACCOUNTANTS are good with figures.
ACTORS do it on cue.
ADVERTISERS use the "new, improved" method.
AMBULANCE DRIVERS come quicker.
ANSI does it in the standard way
ARCHEOLOGISTS like it old.
ARCHITECTS have great plans.
ARTISTS are exhibitionists.
ASSEMBLY LINE WORKERS do it over and over.
ASTRONOMERS do it with Uranus.
ATTORNEYS make better motions.
AUDITORS like to examine figures.
BABYSITTERS charge by the hour.
BAILIFFS always come to order.
BAKERS knead it daily.
BAND MEMBERS play all night.
BANKERS do it with interest - penalty for early withdrawal.
BARBERS do it with shear pleasure.
BARTENDERS do it on the rocks.
BASEBALL PLAYERS make it to first base.
BASKETBALL PLAYERS score more often.
BEEKEEPERS like to eat their honey.
BEER BREWERS do it with more hops.
BEER DRINKERS get more head.
BICYCLISTS do it with 10 speeds.
BOOKKEEPERS do it with double entry.
BOSSES delegate the task to others.
BOWLERS have bigger balls.
BRICKLAYERS lay all day.
BRIDGE PLAYERS try to get a rubber.
BUS DRIVERS come early and pull out on time.
BUTCHERS have better meat.
C'Bers do it on the air.
CAMPERS do it in a tent.
CARPENTERS hammer it harder.
CARPET LAYERS do it on the floor.
CHEERLEADERS do it with more enthusiasm.
CHEMISTS like to experiment.
CHESS PLAYERS check their mates.
CHIROPRACTORS do it by manipulation.
CLOCK MAKERS do it mechanically.
CLOWNS do it for laughs.
COACHES whistle while they work.
COBOL PROGRAMMERS do it with bugs.
COCKTAIL WAITRESSES serve highballs.
COMPUTER GAME PLAYERS just can't stop.
COMPUTER OPERATORS get the most out of their software.
CONSTRUCTION WORKERS lay a better foundation.
CONSULTANTS tell other how to do it.
COPS have bigger guns.
COWBOYS handle anything horny.
COWGIRLS like to ride bareback.
CRANE OPERATORS have swinging balls.
CREDIT MANAGERS always collect.
DANCERS do it in leaps and bounds.
DEADHEADS do it with Jerry.
DEER HUNTERS will do anything for a buck.
DENTAL HYGIENISTS do it till it hurts.
DENTISTS do it in your mouth.
DETECTIVES do it under cover.
DIETICIANS eat better.
DIRECT MAILERS get it in the sack.
DIVERS do it deeper.
DOCTORS do it with patience.
DRUGGISTS fill your prescription.
DRUMMERS do it in 4/4 time.
DRY WALLER'S are better bangers.
ELECTRICIANS check your shorts.
ENGINEERS charge by the hour.
EXECUTIVES have large staffs.
FARMERS spread it around.
FIREMEN are always in heat.
FISHERMEN are proud of their rods.
FOOTBALL PLAYERS are measured by the yard.
FOUR-WHEELERS eat more bush.
FURRIERS appreciate good beaver.
GARBAGE MEN come once a week.
GARDENERS have 50 foot hoses.
GAS STATION ATTENDANTS pump all day.
GEOLOGISTS are great explorers.
GOLFERS do it in 18 holes.
GYMNASTS mount and dismount well.
HACKERS do it with fewer instructions.
HAIRDRESSERS give the best blow jobs.
HAM OPERATORS do it with frequency.
HANDYMEN like good screws.
HEWLETT PACKARD does it with precision.
HORSEBACK RIDERS stay in the saddle longer.
HUNTERS do it with a bang.
INSURANCE SALESMEN are premium lovers.
INTERIOR DECORATORS do it all over the house.
INVENTORS find a way.
JANITORS clean up afterwards.
JEWELERS mount real gems.
JOGGERS do it on the run.
LANDSCAPERS plant it deeper.
LAWYERS do it in their briefs.
LIBRARIANS do it quietly.
LOCKSMITHS can get into anything.
LONG DISTANCE RUNNERS last longer.
MACHINISTS make the best screws.
MAGICIANS are quicker than the eye.
MAINTENANCE MEN sweep 'em off their feet.
MANAGERS supervise others.
MARKETING REPs do it on commission.
MILKMEN deliver twice a week.
MILLIONAIRES pay to have it done.
MINERS sink deeper shafts.
MINISTERS do it on Sundays.
MISSILE MEN have better thrust.
MODELS do it in any position.
MODEM MANUFACTURERS do it with all sorts of characters.
MOTORCYCLISTS like something hot between their legs.
MOVIE STARS do it on film.
MUSICIANS do it with rhythm.
NONSMOKERS do it without huffing and puffing.
NURSES call the shots.
OCEANOGRAPHERS do it down under.
OPERATORS do it person-to-person.
OPTOMETRISTS do it face-to-face.
PAINTERS do it with longer strokes.
PARAMEDICS PHOTOGRAPHERS do it with a flash.
PHYSICISTS do it with uniform harmonic motion.
PILOTS keep it up longer.
PLUMBERS do it under the sink.
POLICEMEN like big busts.
POLITICIANS do it for 4 years then have to get re-erected.
POSTMEN come slower.
PRINTERS do it without wrinkling the sheets.
PRINTERS reproduce the fastest.
PROCTOLOGISTS do it in the end.
PROFESSORS do it by the book.
RACERS like to come in first.
RACQUETBALL PLAYERS do it off the wall..
RADIO and TV ANNOUNCERS broadcast it.
REAL ESTATE PEOPLE know all the prime spots.
RECYCLERS use it again.
REPAIRMEN can fix anything.
REPORTERS do it daily.
RESEARCHERS are still looking for it.
RETAILERS move their merchandise.
ROOFERS do it on top.
RUNNERS get into more pants.
SAILORS like to be blown.
SALESPEOPLE have away with their tongues.
SCIENTISTS discovered it.
SECRETARIES do it from 9 to 5.
SKYDIVERS are good till the last drop.
SOCCER PLAYERS have leather balls.
SPEECH PATHOLOGISTS are oral specialists.
SPELUNKERS do it underground.
SPORTSCASTERS like an instant replay.
STEWARDESSES do it in the air.
STUDENTS use their heads.
SURGEONS are smooth operators.
TAILORS make it fit.
TAXI DRIVERS do it all over town.
TAXIDERMISTS mount anything.
TELEPHONE CO. EMPLOYEES let their fingers do the walking.
TELLERS can handle all deposits and withdrawals.
TENNIS PLAYERS have fuzzy balls.
TRUCK DRIVERS have bigger dipsticks.
TRUCKERS carry bigger loads.
TYPISTS do it in triplicate.
VETERINARIANS are pussy lovers.
VOLLEYBALL PLAYERS keep it up.
WAITRESSES serve it piping hot.
WATER SKIERS come down harder.
WELDERS have hotter rods.
WRESTLERS know the best holds.
WRITERS have novel ways.
ZOOLOGISTS do it with animal instinct.
Regards
Trevor
HOW THEY ALL HAVE SEX
ACCOUNTANTS are good with figures.
ACTORS do it on cue.
ADVERTISERS use the "new, improved" method.
AMBULANCE DRIVERS come quicker.
ANSI does it in the standard way
ARCHEOLOGISTS like it old.
ARCHITECTS have great plans.
ARTISTS are exhibitionists.
ASSEMBLY LINE WORKERS do it over and over.
ASTRONOMERS do it with Uranus.
ATTORNEYS make better motions.
AUDITORS like to examine figures.
BABYSITTERS charge by the hour.
BAILIFFS always come to order.
BAKERS knead it daily.
BAND MEMBERS play all night.
BANKERS do it with interest - penalty for early withdrawal.
BARBERS do it with shear pleasure.
BARTENDERS do it on the rocks.
BASEBALL PLAYERS make it to first base.
BASKETBALL PLAYERS score more often.
BEEKEEPERS like to eat their honey.
BEER BREWERS do it with more hops.
BEER DRINKERS get more head.
BICYCLISTS do it with 10 speeds.
BOOKKEEPERS do it with double entry.
BOSSES delegate the task to others.
BOWLERS have bigger balls.
BRICKLAYERS lay all day.
BRIDGE PLAYERS try to get a rubber.
BUS DRIVERS come early and pull out on time.
BUTCHERS have better meat.
C'Bers do it on the air.
CAMPERS do it in a tent.
CARPENTERS hammer it harder.
CARPET LAYERS do it on the floor.
CHEERLEADERS do it with more enthusiasm.
CHEMISTS like to experiment.
CHESS PLAYERS check their mates.
CHIROPRACTORS do it by manipulation.
CLOCK MAKERS do it mechanically.
CLOWNS do it for laughs.
COACHES whistle while they work.
COBOL PROGRAMMERS do it with bugs.
COCKTAIL WAITRESSES serve highballs.
COMPUTER GAME PLAYERS just can't stop.
COMPUTER OPERATORS get the most out of their software.
CONSTRUCTION WORKERS lay a better foundation.
CONSULTANTS tell other how to do it.
COPS have bigger guns.
COWBOYS handle anything horny.
COWGIRLS like to ride bareback.
CRANE OPERATORS have swinging balls.
CREDIT MANAGERS always collect.
DANCERS do it in leaps and bounds.
DEADHEADS do it with Jerry.
DEER HUNTERS will do anything for a buck.
DENTAL HYGIENISTS do it till it hurts.
DENTISTS do it in your mouth.
DETECTIVES do it under cover.
DIETICIANS eat better.
DIRECT MAILERS get it in the sack.
DIVERS do it deeper.
DOCTORS do it with patience.
DRUGGISTS fill your prescription.
DRUMMERS do it in 4/4 time.
DRY WALLER'S are better bangers.
ELECTRICIANS check your shorts.
ENGINEERS charge by the hour.
EXECUTIVES have large staffs.
FARMERS spread it around.
FIREMEN are always in heat.
FISHERMEN are proud of their rods.
FOOTBALL PLAYERS are measured by the yard.
FOUR-WHEELERS eat more bush.
FURRIERS appreciate good beaver.
GARBAGE MEN come once a week.
GARDENERS have 50 foot hoses.
GAS STATION ATTENDANTS pump all day.
GEOLOGISTS are great explorers.
GOLFERS do it in 18 holes.
GYMNASTS mount and dismount well.
HACKERS do it with fewer instructions.
HAIRDRESSERS give the best blow jobs.
HAM OPERATORS do it with frequency.
HANDYMEN like good screws.
HEWLETT PACKARD does it with precision.
HORSEBACK RIDERS stay in the saddle longer.
HUNTERS do it with a bang.
INSURANCE SALESMEN are premium lovers.
INTERIOR DECORATORS do it all over the house.
INVENTORS find a way.
JANITORS clean up afterwards.
JEWELERS mount real gems.
JOGGERS do it on the run.
LANDSCAPERS plant it deeper.
LAWYERS do it in their briefs.
LIBRARIANS do it quietly.
LOCKSMITHS can get into anything.
LONG DISTANCE RUNNERS last longer.
MACHINISTS make the best screws.
MAGICIANS are quicker than the eye.
MAINTENANCE MEN sweep 'em off their feet.
MANAGERS supervise others.
MARKETING REPs do it on commission.
MILKMEN deliver twice a week.
MILLIONAIRES pay to have it done.
MINERS sink deeper shafts.
MINISTERS do it on Sundays.
MISSILE MEN have better thrust.
MODELS do it in any position.
MODEM MANUFACTURERS do it with all sorts of characters.
MOTORCYCLISTS like something hot between their legs.
MOVIE STARS do it on film.
MUSICIANS do it with rhythm.
NONSMOKERS do it without huffing and puffing.
NURSES call the shots.
OCEANOGRAPHERS do it down under.
OPERATORS do it person-to-person.
OPTOMETRISTS do it face-to-face.
PAINTERS do it with longer strokes.
PARAMEDICS PHOTOGRAPHERS do it with a flash.
PHYSICISTS do it with uniform harmonic motion.
PILOTS keep it up longer.
PLUMBERS do it under the sink.
POLICEMEN like big busts.
POLITICIANS do it for 4 years then have to get re-erected.
POSTMEN come slower.
PRINTERS do it without wrinkling the sheets.
PRINTERS reproduce the fastest.
PROCTOLOGISTS do it in the end.
PROFESSORS do it by the book.
RACERS like to come in first.
RACQUETBALL PLAYERS do it off the wall..
RADIO and TV ANNOUNCERS broadcast it.
REAL ESTATE PEOPLE know all the prime spots.
RECYCLERS use it again.
REPAIRMEN can fix anything.
REPORTERS do it daily.
RESEARCHERS are still looking for it.
RETAILERS move their merchandise.
ROOFERS do it on top.
RUNNERS get into more pants.
SAILORS like to be blown.
SALESPEOPLE have away with their tongues.
SCIENTISTS discovered it.
SECRETARIES do it from 9 to 5.
SKYDIVERS are good till the last drop.
SOCCER PLAYERS have leather balls.
SPEECH PATHOLOGISTS are oral specialists.
SPELUNKERS do it underground.
SPORTSCASTERS like an instant replay.
STEWARDESSES do it in the air.
STUDENTS use their heads.
SURGEONS are smooth operators.
TAILORS make it fit.
TAXI DRIVERS do it all over town.
TAXIDERMISTS mount anything.
TELEPHONE CO. EMPLOYEES let their fingers do the walking.
TELLERS can handle all deposits and withdrawals.
TENNIS PLAYERS have fuzzy balls.
TRUCK DRIVERS have bigger dipsticks.
TRUCKERS carry bigger loads.
TYPISTS do it in triplicate.
VETERINARIANS are pussy lovers.
VOLLEYBALL PLAYERS keep it up.
WAITRESSES serve it piping hot.
WATER SKIERS come down harder.
WELDERS have hotter rods.
WRESTLERS know the best holds.
WRITERS have novel ways.
ZOOLOGISTS do it with animal instinct.
Regards
Trevor
I used to go out with a wrestler, so I can confirm that one :lol:
I had a thing with a snooker player too, I can imagine what category that would come under.... :blink:
But I'm single now, so it's usually the cup of tea for me whether I like it or not...
I had a thing with a snooker player too, I can imagine what category that would come under.... :blink:
But I'm single now, so it's usually the cup of tea for me whether I like it or not...
Shadow Leader
At the Start
- Joined
- Nov 9, 2003
- Messages
- 9,884
Hey, Trevor - what about jockeys???!!! :lol: Oh, and Young Farmers Do It In Wellies....had that sticker years ago!!
Jules - did you have to start this one?? Haven't had it in ages....
I'd certainly opt for sex rather than a cup of tea & a doughnut, thanks very much.....
Jules - did you have to start this one?? Haven't had it in ages....
I'd certainly opt for sex rather than a cup of tea & a doughnut, thanks very much.....
Shadow Leader
At the Start
- Joined
- Nov 9, 2003
- Messages
- 9,884
I can't stand tea either, Jules - sex all the way!!!! :lol: (or Diet Coke, I guess.....)
Honest Tom
At the Start
- Joined
- May 2, 2003
- Messages
- 1,272
Surely it's only pensioners that drink tea or coffee :lol:.
I remember after leaving school I worked for a (very) short time as an apprentice joiner. First day one of the guys in the yard told me it would be my responsibility to make the tea. He showed me where the bothy was, filled the kettle, put it on the gas and told me "when that water boils pour it into the teapot". Now, I'd never made a cup of tea in my life, so I followed his instructions to the letter. Down he comes, lifts the teapot, back up the stairs and starts pouring the tea out for the rest of them. "For f**ck's sake you've not put the tea in the teapot" (how in the f**ck was I supposed to know how much tea went in the teapot). "You never told me to" I said. One of the other guys told him to stop whinging. "It's just a wee bit weak" he said.
I remember after leaving school I worked for a (very) short time as an apprentice joiner. First day one of the guys in the yard told me it would be my responsibility to make the tea. He showed me where the bothy was, filled the kettle, put it on the gas and told me "when that water boils pour it into the teapot". Now, I'd never made a cup of tea in my life, so I followed his instructions to the letter. Down he comes, lifts the teapot, back up the stairs and starts pouring the tea out for the rest of them. "For f**ck's sake you've not put the tea in the teapot" (how in the f**ck was I supposed to know how much tea went in the teapot). "You never told me to" I said. One of the other guys told him to stop whinging. "It's just a wee bit weak" he said.
G
Gearoid
Guest
I'm oppossed.....
Sex is overrated... You have a few pints and start suffering hornitis... You pick up any willing bird or go through your phonebook for the back burner bird...you know the booty call...never turns you down..probably wants a relationship with you.. So you go over to her place do the deed, sometimes twice or depending on alcohol consumed your like a porn star, thou shall not cum..
Then you do cum... and the first thing you want to do is find your boxers and get the **** outta there...she wants to cuddle up and fall asleep...
Sex is overrated.
Sex is overrated... You have a few pints and start suffering hornitis... You pick up any willing bird or go through your phonebook for the back burner bird...you know the booty call...never turns you down..probably wants a relationship with you.. So you go over to her place do the deed, sometimes twice or depending on alcohol consumed your like a porn star, thou shall not cum..
Then you do cum... and the first thing you want to do is find your boxers and get the **** outta there...she wants to cuddle up and fall asleep...
Sex is overrated.
Honest Tom
At the Start
- Joined
- May 2, 2003
- Messages
- 1,272
Bereft the man who's cum.