Spam Sandwiches Are Better...

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Songsheet

At the Start
Joined
May 2, 2003
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Honestly, the crap my Inbox gets cluttered up with, in spite of several filters...


This is the latest, which I found quite amusing:

"Hi!!!

How are you? My name is Maria. I am 26 years old. I live in Russia, city Cheboksary. I am cheerful woman, and like to do many things as sport, camping, go to the cinema, theatre etc. In a word I like to do all what like all people. I work in marketing structure on sale of cosmetics. My dream this travel abroad. I know the english language well enough.. I began to study english language approximately one year ago. I wish tell to you history which have pushed me write to you. 8 months ago I have got acquainted with the man from other country by name Patrick. During this time we had good relations. We have understood that our relations become serious and we have decided to meet in his country. I wrote the application for reception the visa. I waited reception of the visa approximately half of year. All time I kept in touch with Patrick through the internet and often called to each other. I and Patrick waited reception of the visa to our meeting.
I have received the invitation from the ambassador for reception of the visa. My director has given me long-term holiday from work and I have gone to Moscow to receive the visa. I informed good news to Patrick, but he has answered, that does not want our meeting. He played with me. He has informed that has the wife with two children and at all has no plans to meet me. I was not ready to such turn of events. I could not think what even after 8 months of acquaintance he can so unscrupulously act with me. Now I am in Moscow trip to Moscow and reception of visa. I do not want that all was gone for nothing and will be glad if my visa will be useful to our meeting. I could arrive already through 4-5 days, but a problem in that that now I have no man which would like my arrival. Probable it will silly sound but if you will be interested in a meeting with the good woman I shall like to meet you sometime soon! As Patrick was dishonest with me I have decided to find the man which is interested to meet the woman from Russia. I do not know your ideas about my letter, but it would be fine if we could meet and have some weeks or months together. On my trip I want to receive rest from my work and a life in Russia. Also the basic purpose for the future it is search good men for serious attitudes which go to a marriage. I have no children, but I want to have children in the future. I am the mature woman and ready to creation of family with good man. I do not know what you really search in the future but if we could meet I shall be happy to discuss with you more about our meeting. What are you going to do this time? It would be fine if we could meet, do friendship or more than simply friendship. I shall be happy if you also have a free time and we could meet soon. I do not know your interests, but anyhow write to me back and I shall tell to you more about myself. Write to me all that you want. Maybe we have similar plans and it will be interesting to us together.

You can write all that you want. Ask any questions which interest you.
Write to me back and I shall tell more about myself and send more my photos.

Please, write to me back on my regular e-mail: mariich@bk.ru Have a good day,

Maria."

Thought I'd post it here just in case any of you lonely boys fancy something About Maria...
 
Maria

ID: 2551
Age: 26
Birthday(dmy): 20-03-1980
Collection: Gold Collection

From: Cheboksary, Russia
Height: 173 cm (5.68 ft)
Weight: 53 kg (117.00 lb)
Body type: sportive build
Eye color gray
Hair color: brown
Religion: christian
Occupation: financier
Family status: not married
Smoking: no
Drinking: sometimes
English level (1-5): 4
Additional information: It is very pleasant for me, that you have paid attention to my questionnaire. I hope that you not the computer maniac, and present the man. Acquaintance to you will be pleasant for me.
My name - Maria. I live in small city on coast of the Great Russian River.
I have ended university and now I work in a business concern.
I like people having good manners. I have no children, but I plan to have children in the future. I love the nature and am especial domestic animals. I love dogs and cats. I also like exotic animals. I like to walk on the nature. To me also to like to go in for sports. I like tasty and wholesome food. To me to like to prepare independently. I like to run at morning. I like to be floating in the river. I want to try to fly. I like to ski. I love campaigns on the nature. I like to look at a fire in a wood. I work in small firm. I occupy a post of the bookkeeper and the manager.
Looking for: I plan to create family with interesting by the man. The person with whom I shall create family should be the true husband and the good father for our future children. The husband and the wife should have equal rights and equal duties. This obligatory condition for me!
Availabled contacts: Email, Phone, Address
 
GEAROID has just signed up for a intercourse in Russian... to be known in future as COMRADE GEAROID....... ;) :lol:

If he starts singing... MARIA I just met a girl called MARIA...you know he's cracked it :P ;)
 
Originally posted by betsmate@Nov 7 2006, 07:02 PM
I love the nature and am especial domestic animals. I love dogs and cats. I also like exotic animals. I like to walk on the nature. To me also to like to go in for sports. I like tasty and wholesome food. To me to like to prepare independently. I like to run at morning. I like to be floating in the river. I want to try to fly. I like to ski. I love campaigns on the nature. I like to look at a fire in a wood.
Click to expand...
No wonder Patrick ran a mile.
 
"I want to try and fly" :confused:

Good luck Maria, but I don't recomend it. But if you insist then may I suggest you start off by running up and down your street flapping your arms first, before hurling yourself off any high buildings
 
Poor Maria - Patrick sounds an absaloute cad and she in her naive but sweet way has been totally taken in by him. I think its time for Aunty K to get involved and advise in her well-informed way.
 
Actually Jinny I'm quite warming to Maria as well now. My initial reaction was that it must be some kind of money making scam, as Brian does seem to pick up fair few of these from what he's told us. But I'm increasingly of the opinion she's genuine, although quite who would market themselves under "turkeybrides.com" is a concern.

Alright, I'm not sure I could list "floating in Rivers" as a past time of choice, but I recently fell in the Oxford Canal Maria, if you're prepared to consider that? Similarly, I'm a little bit worried about your apparent pyromaniac tendancies, but I'm sure we could find you a few stolen cars to burn out even if I'm a little short on woods. Or were you being metaphoric; starting fires in woods etc <_< Urm.... it has a certain appeal if read in that context. I think I'd need confirmation that your domestic zoological aspirations, are in no way connected to your preference for "independetly prepared wholesome food". Not sure about this running in the morning routine though. Bloody hell, waking up is taxing enough for me these days. And thinking about it, I'm a little unclear as to how you reconcile the campaigning on green issues, with a fascination for burning tracts of forest? Mind you I lived in Nottingham for years, and we've got a certain Forest there I'd be only to happy to introduce you to, if you'd promise to burn them down.

Yeah... I think on balance I've decided I quite like Maria now, perhaps Brian could invite her to post on TH? I hope he has more success than I had when inviting Nick Mordin to do so :P
 
Originally posted by Warbler@Nov 7 2006, 08:41 PM
My initial reaction was that it must be some kind of money making scam, as Brian does seem to pick up fair few of these from what he's told us.
Click to expand...
Nothing to do with me - the thread was started by some other bloke (who happens to be a lady).
 
:lol: :lol: Warbler - And thinking I am that you are together making an excellent couple, no?

Maria sounds delightful - if she were a man and I were 30 years younger, I might be quite smitten, especially as with all that walking in the nature (au naturel?) and floating in rivers he'd been both fit and clean. Hey-ho, all far too late for that. Good luck to Maria, and all who float with her.
 
Originally posted by BrianH+Nov 7 2006, 10:38 PM--></div><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td>QUOTE (BrianH @ Nov 7 2006, 10:38 PM)</td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'> <!--QuoteBegin-Warbler@Nov 7 2006, 08:41 PM
My initial reaction was that it must be some kind of money making scam, as Brian does seem to pick up fair few of these from what he's told us.
Click to expand...
Nothing to do with me - the thread was started by some other bloke (who happens to be a lady). [/b][/quote]
:lol: Indeed, how on Earth? oh well.... :rolleyes:
 
The real Maria

up-women-00129.jpg
 
I reckon you're being harsh on her. In a bored moment I did check out where Cheboksary was today, and discovered that the River she floats in for recreation is the Volga no less. Now if the promotional photogrpah of the city is anything to go by, this particular past-time looks distinctly dangerous. She would be incapable of amassing the kind of body weight that her knockers suggest, ;) as I suspect she would have dissolved in the water, which looks decidely like it has the consistancy of swarfega.

She's clearly barking mad, I grant you, but an open mind please about our Maria i think <_<
 
But even the chubsy Maria has her charms - imagine you're a skinny little guy: how pleasant would that be to come home to a warm, enveloping hug, disappearing into the pneumatic bliss (thank you, Thomas Stearns) of her ample bosom? You wouldn't need a duvet, she could live off her own body fat for six months before needing a meal, and she looks like she could type up your job applications, too. What more could a man want, I ask?
 
An application for a job, the description summed it up quite well I thought.

People generally apply for jobs to earn money in order to buy things/pay rent etc
 
You remember, Brian - that funny little form you filled in, all those decades ago, when you applied to be a Redcoat at Butlin's. <_<
 
I've got it. I knew that chubby Maria reminded of someone(thing). With the glasses, the girth, and the white T shirt, she is the twin sister of Mr Hoopy the Michelin Man!!! :D
 
Warbs, I see what you mean - I didn't click on the Maria link, but now that I have, I think Maria's probably got pretty high expectations of what might be lining up for her! Just to keep her in fresh hibiscus hair adornments will set you back a few squid a day!
 
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