Peter Thomas in RP
THERE'S one man who's going to get a punch up the bracket from me quite soon, and I'll tell you who it is. It's the first one that comesup to me and says: "Yes, I know we've had a lot of rain and your cellar's been flooded for the last six weeks, but did you know the reservoirs are still only a third full and there's every possibility Thames Water will impose a hosepipe ban by the end of the month."
Yes, I'm fed up with the weather. Or at least I was fed up with the weather - now I'm just fed up with the people who are using the change in the weather as a feeble excuse to start a row about the watering arrangements at Cheltenham.
Two weeks ago, I started hearing the old Groundhog Day chestnut about how we were looking at the very real possibility of heavy ground at the festival. Then, after 36 hours of dry weather, the prospect of good to soft ground became a very strong likelihood, as it always does, and we were quickly plunged into the debate about how best to ensure there was no 'firm' in the going for the start of the meeting.
Watering, of course, is the only way of ensuring we don't get bone-jarringly hard conditions, so that's the option Simon Claisse, clerk of the course, decided to take.
And then it all hits the fan, doesn't it. Up pop the folk who like to say silly things like "Why don't we just let nature take its course" and "What about all the fast-ground horses? They might as well be retired," and "What does he think he's doing, watering two weeks before the festival, when it might rain and turn the ground soft?"
The trouble is, Claisse will be under orders to produce 'safe' ground, in so far as any ground can be safe when 20 half-ton thoroughbreds are galumphing round it at full tilt, and the only way to do that with any degree of certainty is to use artificial watering. Until somebody comes up with conclusive proof that the supreme being is a racing man with a decent grasp of turf husbandry and an up-to-date copy of the fixture list, we simply can't rely on nature to do the job for us.
As for leaving the watering until much later, on the off-chance that it might rain, because the weather forecast that says it's going to be dry can't be relied upon - well, as Alan King said the other day: "The one thing we don't want is a fast-ground Cheltenham, because the carnage would be unacceptable. They're better off watering early and putting on a bit at a time, rather than getting to next Sunday, thinking 'Oh f***' and flooding it." Quite.
Leaving aside the colourful Caledonian language, I think Kingy hit the nail on the head. Sure, naturally watered ground is best, but you can't rely on the timing or the quantity, or even the appearance, of rain, so it's best to keep yourself ahead of the game, then the worst that can happen is that you get ground that's too soft, in the highly unlikely event of an unforeseen deluge of biblical proportions the night before the gig starts. Even-handed watering plus rain is always better than hasty and desperate watering amidst drought.
Having to explain to some grumpy punters why a lot of horses have got very muddy and some have been pulled up is better, I'd venture, than having to explain to the RSPCA and the general public why a load of horses have broken their legs and been carted off for cat food.
If, among the ranks of the Claisse-bashers, there is somebody with something more than a good line in ignorance, bile, self-interest and hindsight -a hotline to the big man upstairs and a degree of influence over the Godly mysteries of his irrigation strategy, perhaps - then let them take over the hot seat at Cheltenham and deliver us perfect going every time. Until then, let's leave it to a bloke who has a pretty good record up until now.
He seems to be getting lucky with the weather forecast this year, again, which is nice, but even if it all goes pear-shaped in the next few days, he's still done the right thing, so give the man due credit.
