Things I Hate...

I don't mind mobiles, I just HATE THE SHOUTING INTO THEM THAT GOES ON!

Tripe - to be avoided at all costs, particularly if cooked in (barf!) milk with onions... rushes for bathroom...

Runny eggs - another hurlworthy dish. I don't care if fried eggs aren't supposed to look and feel like Frisbees - that's the way I can eat 'em!

Snobs - you're going to end up dead like the rest of us. Get out of that one!

Badly-behaved brats - just creep into their bedrooms when they're asleep, in a Scream mask, and bang a saucepan loudly. Repeat until offending behaviour stops.

Whining mothers - look, there's a thing called contraception. If you're going to ignore it, then have the grace to enjoy your feckin offspring!

Dog turds on pavements - once the offender is located, s/he should be publicly rubbed with the stuff and kept in the stocks for a day.

Political correctness - now this - not drugs, binge-drinking, under-age sex or line-dancing - is the real cause of the country's degeneration. Craven refuge of the intellectually-challenged - and that's not a PC euphemism!
 
Middle aged men having their mid life crises - purleeze... !

Programmes, especially commercial stations, which have to give you a rehash of the previous ten minute section post advert break. Probably because after five minutes of advertisements, the average viewer can't remember what went on that long ago.

We've become a nation of fecking goldfish.
 
BOGOF offers - look, I don't want two 42" pizzas. I just want one, maybe at the low price you could really offer it for, okay?
 
Even my crapmaths can work that one out, IS! I wonder how many dingbats fell for it??

Corn pasta: tried it for the first time last night as a 'healthy alternative' to the usual pasta. Rubbish! The tagliattelli coagulated into a thick blob which was later hurled, in a solid lump, out for the seagulls to enjoy. It developed a gloop which, I assume, is the key ingredient in wallpaper paste. Tasted like stale bread, too. Back to unhealthy eating again.
 
Wholemeal pasta. Gritty, tasteless and doesn't absorb taste of sauce. Yuk!

Like Krizon, political correctness. Okay originally to make people mindful and more respectful of human differences, but now verging on the paranoid.
 
Tony Laithwaite.

If the Discovery Dozen is that good why are you selling it all off at half-price?

Oh and what else does this £30 corkscrew do that it costs so much?
 
We've had a spate of street 'market researchers' for charities lately. I can see them eyeing me up from 50 yards: "Ah, yes, white, middle-aged/old bat, probably retired, loves cats, right demographic... " Why do they bother? If we can afford to give or at least take our cast-off bits 'n' bobs to the charity shops, then being accosted in the middle of shopping isn't likely to make us do more. I imagine these young people get paid, if poorly, but it's all money the charities should use for their aims, not on street hustling.
 
Bad drivers - which, unfortunately, seem to make up a very large percentage of the Great British Public that managed, somehow, to pass their driving tests.

One twat actually tried to barge me off the motorway sideways a few weeks ago, late at night, as he wasn't impressed that I'd applied my brakes to get him removed from my backside, where he was lodged. After I'd finished overtaking all the cars I was in the process or overtaking (I wasn't travelling slowly either), I moved into the middle lane and he drew up alongside me, and swerved violently into my lane, forcing me to swerve violently into the inside lane, where there was a car not far behind. Absolute tosser. And if he's reading this, I took down your registration plate, arsehole.
 
Shadz - I was nearly taken out some months ago by a wanker in a sports car (sad case - middle-aged, balding, ponytail). It was a steel-grey MG soft-top and I got his number and reported it to our local rozzers. We have a website where you can write down all the crap about the incident and that will flag the number up if it's been previously reported, and also stay on file so that it can be flagged up if the vehicle is involved in any future events. Really nice to know that you might be able to stick it to these bastids. You might see if your fuzz has the same sort of system.

Alternatively, I'm thinking that at night a paintball gun would be great as the arses go sailing past at 110...
 
Painting ceilings - I really, really hate this job. Don't mind doing walls but ceilings... ouchy...:(
 
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Thieving b*stards who stole my truck yesterday, WITH MY DOGS IN IT, from a small hamlet of four houses and a church, ruining the afternoon for our guns, costing the taxpayer £6K as helicopter was used to locate, giving me th emost grief I've experienced since losing my parents - I really, really hope karma catches up with whoever you are.

Dogs were returned in the police car to my door at 20.00 after being missing since 13.30, vehicle OK but not available til tomorrow as forensics now have it but that's OK with me and one vey, very relieved me.
 
Glad the dogs are ok Songy, you must have been going frantic with worry for them, not to mention the sheer bloody fury of being robbed.

Hope the thieving gits are caught - preferably by you.
 
Oh, Christ, Songs. That's diabolical. You must've been absolutely out of your mind. I'm so glad the dogs are okay. Well done to the polizei, too, for finding everything. Were the dogs found separately, or were they still on board? So much for perceptions of idyllic country living!
 
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