Those lying children....

[Ian_Davies]

....I refer, of course, to those deceitful brats in the chorus in "I Wish It Could Be Christmas Every Day" by Wizzard.

Quite apart from the absurd original premise (if it really was Christmas every day we would be living in perpetual winter and we all saw how badly that worked out in The Lion, The Witch & The Wardrobe) the urchins outrageously chant: "When the snowman brings the snow!"

Snowfall is a naturally-occurring meteorological phenomenon and isn't brought by fictitious clusters of it, supernaturally brought to life, or by anyone!

Given how long ago the song was released it's high time this litany of malign falsehoods was exposed!

You can all look forward to the further dismantling by moi of other so-called Christmas Classics over the Yuletide period!

 

[barjon]

Oh, Ian, Ian, you’ll be trying to tell me there’s no Father Christmas next.

 

[Ian_Davies]

In the next expose, Professor Noddy Holder of Slade University on the dodgy international criminal that calls himself "Santa Claus" in Holder's ironically-named dark work: "Merry Christmas Everybody"....

 

[Desert Orchid]

I won't be able to sleep tonight thinking of why a reindeer's nose can't really be red or even glow

 

[Ian_Davies]

Popular misconception would have you believe that "Merry Christmas Everybody" by Slade is a harmless celebratory Yuletide number.

It's beyond time that brain-washing propaganda was ripped to bits.

The reality is that Holder and his cohorts reveal a dark, disturbed, dystopian world in which Christmas is cynically exploited by those with sinister agendas.

The track is riddled with gratuitous sexual innuendo from the get-go: Words like "stocking," "ball" and "ride" abound!

Father Christmas is depicted as a deviant, drug-addicted alcoholic, preying on overpopulated dysfunctional families, entrenched grand parents unable to appreciate the benefits of modern society, adulterous mothers enraging unstable fathers by "kissing santa claus," and the misuse of christmas gifts to commit driving violations on hillsides, leading to potentially life-changing head injuries.

It paints a dark, but admittedly very possibly accurate, picture of 2024 Britain, a remarkable feat as it was first released in the 1970s.

That evil witch Mariah Carey's "All I Want For Christmas" up next....

 

[an capall]

I wait every year for Frosty to come back again. Every year I cry myself to sleep on my big pillow.

 

[Desert Orchid]

I wait every year for Frosty to come back again. Every year I cry myself to sleep on my big pillow.

One of my favourite songs. I even get to sing it at the band's Christmas gigs!

 

[NHughes]

Its beginning to look arne Slot like Christmas

 

[Ian_Davies]

I'm not gonna lie - I've missed you, Nathan (along with my other favourite Lounge habitués, Richard, CAS, HDLG, BigG, gamble etc).

Bet you're relieved Chezza's no longer at TRF, though - he was a moral certainty to finally wipe the floor with the awful Hughesey this year!

You know what they say - "103rd time lucky!"

 

[NHughes]

Looking likely the awards will be abandoned this year out of respect

 

[trudij]

I won't be able to sleep tonight thinking of why a reindeer's nose can't really be red or even glow

*puts knife back in pocket…

 

[Drone]

The reality is that Holder and his cohorts reveal a dark, disturbed, dystopian world in which Christmas is cynically exploited by those with sinister agendas.

The track is riddled with gratuitous sexual innuendo from the get-go: Words like "stocking," "ball" and "ride" abound!

An innocent nursery rhyme compared with this:

'hurry down the chimney tonight' ooh Matron!

 

[Ian_Davies]

For me, just about the most heinous Christmas Song is Rudolph the red-nosed reindeer.

Why?

Cop this....

"All of the other reindeer
Used to laugh and call him names
They never let poor Rudolph
Join in any reindeer games"

Then this....

"Then one foggy Christmas Eve
Santa came to say
Rudolph, with your nose so bright
Won't you guide my sleigh tonight?
Then how the reindeer loved him
As they shouted out with glee
Rudolph the red-nosed reindeer
You'll go down in history"

It's manifestly obvious from the first extract that all the other reindeer are, without exception, a bunch of snivelling little nasty c***s.

Given this, who actually cares if they suddenly "loved him," exhibited "glee," or told Rudolph he'd "go down in history."

Rudolph would have been well advised to inform them they were a bunch of w*****s, and told Santa the only way he was pulling that sleigh was if Santa dragged every mother's son of the rest of the reindeer down the North Pole abbatoir and turned the lot of of them into venison sausages, ready to be sold wholesale to Iceland on Boxing Day.

JUSTICE, f*****g JUSTICE.

Merry Christmas.