Fings Wot Comes From Sweatyland, Innit
- Thread starter simmo
- Start date
BrianH
At the Start
Nonsense! the Smurfs are not from Sweatyland - they are from Sproutland. In fact they might be the only famous Belgians.
Incidentally, have you ever seen the lost episode? It's X rated:
The Smurfs - The Lost Episode (18)
Incidentally, have you ever seen the lost episode? It's X rated:
The Smurfs - The Lost Episode (18)
Thistles - on everything
Americans in their 'home' plaid - usually made into golfing troosers
Irn Bru
St Andrew's Golf Club
The Flying Scotsman
Springbank railway
Clyde paddle steamers
Bloomin' heather
The (Scots) Guards
Gruel
Scotch broth again
Cockaleekie soup :brows:
Oats, barley, oats, barley, oats...
Dundee cake
The Glasgow kiss
The Tongs (and I don't mean Pete's bruvver)
The Gorbals
Granite, at least three uses of
Billy Connolly, Harry Lauder and, and, and...
The Scottie dog
The West Highland terrier
Auld Lang bloody Syne
Cumbernauld
Stalking stags
'Highland' socks
Bagpipes - nae, they dinna skirl, they squeal like stuck piggies
The Scots abroad, with their Caledonia Social Clubs, the Caledonian evenings, their Caledonian dances, the Burns Nights, their Caledonia Bowls clubs, their Caledonia golf clubs, their Caledonia darts and snooker clubs...
Americans in their 'home' plaid - usually made into golfing troosers
Irn Bru
St Andrew's Golf Club
The Flying Scotsman
Springbank railway
Clyde paddle steamers
Bloomin' heather
The (Scots) Guards
Gruel
Scotch broth
againCockaleekie soup :brows:
Oats, barley, oats, barley, oats...
Dundee cake
The Glasgow kiss
The Tongs (and I don't mean Pete's bruvver)
The Gorbals
Granite, at least three uses of
Billy Connolly, Harry Lauder and, and, and...
The Scottie dog
The West Highland terrier
Auld Lang bloody Syne
Cumbernauld
Stalking stags
'Highland' socks
Bagpipes - nae, they dinna skirl, they squeal like stuck piggies
The Scots abroad, with their Caledonia Social Clubs, the Caledonian evenings, their Caledonian dances, the Burns Nights, their Caledonia Bowls clubs, their Caledonia golf clubs, their Caledonia darts and snooker clubs...
Speed Bonnie Boat/Bonnie Prince Charlie
Flora MacDonald
The Campbells (and jolly nice tomato soup they make, too)
Glencoe (such evil and betrayal!)
Clydesdale horses
Tam o'Shanters
Dr Finlay's Casebook
Oatcakes (more of those damned oats they're constantly shoving at ye)
Fighting after friendly drinks in the pub
Fighting after friendly drinks at home
Fighting after friendly drinks at parties
Fighting after friendly drinks at your mate's
Fighting after friendly football matches
Fighting after unfriendly football matches
'Gi'ing it a squeer go'
Celtic
Rangers
'Stag at Bay'
John Brown (as in, ghillie to Queen Vicky)
'John Brown's Body Lies A-Moulderin' in His Grave'
Flora MacDonald
The Campbells (and jolly nice tomato soup they make, too)
Glencoe (such evil and betrayal!)
Clydesdale horses
Tam o'Shanters
Dr Finlay's Casebook
Oatcakes (more of those damned oats they're constantly shoving at ye)
Fighting after friendly drinks in the pub
Fighting after friendly drinks at home
Fighting after friendly drinks at parties
Fighting after friendly drinks at your mate's
Fighting after friendly football matches
Fighting after unfriendly football matches
'Gi'ing it a squeer go'
Celtic
Rangers
'Stag at Bay'
John Brown (as in, ghillie to Queen Vicky)
'John Brown's Body Lies A-Moulderin' in His Grave'
Can't remember the author of this little gem but here goes::
WHA'S LIKE US?
DAMN FEW AND THEY'RE A'DEID!
The average Englishman in the home he calls his castle, slips into his national costume -- a shabby raincoat -- patented by Chemist Charles MacIntosh from Glasgow Scotland.
En Route to his office he strides along the English lane, surfaced by John Macadam of Ayr, Scotland.
He drives an English car fitted with tyres invented by John Boyd Dunlop, Veterinary Surgeon of Dregholm, Scotland.
At the office he receives the mail bearing adhesive stamps invented by John Chalmers, Bookseller and Printer of Dundee, Scotland.
During the day he uses the telephone invented by Alexander Graham Bell, born in Edinburgh, Scotland. At home in the evening his daughter pedals her bicycle invented by Kirkpatrick Macmillan, Blacksmith of Thornhill, Dumfriesshire, Scotland.
He watches the news on T.V., an invention of John Logie Baird of Helensburgh, Scotland and hears an item about the U.S. Navy, founded by John Paul Jones of Kirkbean, Scotland.
Nowhere can an Englishman turn to escape the ingenuity of the Scots.
He has by now been reminded too much of Scotland and in desperation he picks up the Bible, only to find that the first man mentioned in the good book is a Scot -- King James VI -- who authorised its translation.
He could take to drink but the Scots make the best in the world.
He could take a rifle and end it all but the breech-loading rifle was invented by Captain Patrick Ferguson of Pitfours, Scotland.
If he escaped death, he could find himself on an operating table injected with Penicillin, discovered by Sir Alexander Fleming of Darvel, Scotland and given Chloroform, an anaesthetic discovered by Sir James Young Simpson, Obstetrician and Gynaecologist of Bathgate, Scotland.
Out of the anaesthetic he would find no comfort in learning that he was safe as the Bank of England founded by William Paterson of Dumfries, Scotland.
Perhaps his only remaining hope would be to get a transfusion of good Scottish blood which would entitle him to ask --
"WHA'S LIKE US?"
See, what would you do without us??
WHA'S LIKE US?
DAMN FEW AND THEY'RE A'DEID!
The average Englishman in the home he calls his castle, slips into his national costume -- a shabby raincoat -- patented by Chemist Charles MacIntosh from Glasgow Scotland.
En Route to his office he strides along the English lane, surfaced by John Macadam of Ayr, Scotland.
He drives an English car fitted with tyres invented by John Boyd Dunlop, Veterinary Surgeon of Dregholm, Scotland.
At the office he receives the mail bearing adhesive stamps invented by John Chalmers, Bookseller and Printer of Dundee, Scotland.
During the day he uses the telephone invented by Alexander Graham Bell, born in Edinburgh, Scotland. At home in the evening his daughter pedals her bicycle invented by Kirkpatrick Macmillan, Blacksmith of Thornhill, Dumfriesshire, Scotland.
He watches the news on T.V., an invention of John Logie Baird of Helensburgh, Scotland and hears an item about the U.S. Navy, founded by John Paul Jones of Kirkbean, Scotland.
Nowhere can an Englishman turn to escape the ingenuity of the Scots.
He has by now been reminded too much of Scotland and in desperation he picks up the Bible, only to find that the first man mentioned in the good book is a Scot -- King James VI -- who authorised its translation.
He could take to drink but the Scots make the best in the world.
He could take a rifle and end it all but the breech-loading rifle was invented by Captain Patrick Ferguson of Pitfours, Scotland.
If he escaped death, he could find himself on an operating table injected with Penicillin, discovered by Sir Alexander Fleming of Darvel, Scotland and given Chloroform, an anaesthetic discovered by Sir James Young Simpson, Obstetrician and Gynaecologist of Bathgate, Scotland.
Out of the anaesthetic he would find no comfort in learning that he was safe as the Bank of England founded by William Paterson of Dumfries, Scotland.
Perhaps his only remaining hope would be to get a transfusion of good Scottish blood which would entitle him to ask --
"WHA'S LIKE US?"
See, what would you do without us??
betsmate
At the Start
- Joined
- Dec 7, 2004
- Messages
- 5,752
The average Scotsman in his state-provided house, slips into his national costume – string vest – last washed circa 1982.
En Route to the dole office he staggers along the lane, blind-drunk on Whisky.
He steals an English car to pay for his Heroin addiction.
At the dole office he receives cash – from English taxpayers – to spend on deep-fried food.
During the day he drinks. At home in the evening he swears at the television.
He watches the news on T.V., although his excessive absenteeism from school means he can’t understand it.
Nowhere can an Englishman turn to escape the xenophobia of the Scots.
Having watched the sports news, he has by now been reminded too much of England and in desperation he picks up the Bible, only to find that he can’t read.
He could take to drink but it would hardly be original.
He could take a rifle and end it all but a heroin overdose seems easier.
If he escaped death, he could scare himself silly by looking in the mirror at his ridiculous flame-red hair.
The fear would hardly subside when he realised he was wearing a skirt.
Perhaps his only remaining hope would be to choke on Haggis.
En Route to the dole office he staggers along the lane, blind-drunk on Whisky.
He steals an English car to pay for his Heroin addiction.
At the dole office he receives cash – from English taxpayers – to spend on deep-fried food.
During the day he drinks. At home in the evening he swears at the television.
He watches the news on T.V., although his excessive absenteeism from school means he can’t understand it.
Nowhere can an Englishman turn to escape the xenophobia of the Scots.
Having watched the sports news, he has by now been reminded too much of England and in desperation he picks up the Bible, only to find that he can’t read.
He could take to drink but it would hardly be original.
He could take a rifle and end it all but a heroin overdose seems easier.
If he escaped death, he could scare himself silly by looking in the mirror at his ridiculous flame-red hair.
The fear would hardly subside when he realised he was wearing a skirt.
Perhaps his only remaining hope would be to choke on Haggis.
Shadow Leader
At the Start
- Joined
- Nov 9, 2003
- Messages
- 9,884
Love the Smurfs episode, LordH!!! :lol:
As for all things Scottish....
As for all things Scottish....
BrianH
At the Start
Jack Nicklaus
I could never make up my mind which dish delighted me the most, boilie mashie or mashie boilie. And for afters I would always hesitate between wheaty oaties and oaty wheaties.
As long as there was long as there was a nice dram of something to wash it all down I could somehow get over it.
As long as there was long as there was a nice dram of something to wash it all down I could somehow get over it.
Euronymous
Senior Jockey
I lost my virginity on an Arbroath council estate in 1984.
Euro - there are worse things - I nearly married a man known as 'Chick', from Kirkcaldy. It began to dawn on me that perhaps he hadn't let his parents in on the arrangement, when his mother, looking with suspicion at a real, live Sassenach, asked, "Wha' brungs ye tae these parrts, lassie?" The next hurdle was to be asked, "D'ye ken how to cook gruel?" I said yes, I loved porridge. I'm sure he was advised to get shot of me quicker than Mons Meg fires cannon balls.
rorydelargy
At the Start
Singing on the streets of Raith. :lol:
simmo
Senior Jockey
I think you might be confusing us with Mark. From his manner I'm fairly certain that he's English.
:lol: I think you should make him an honorary Scot.
Pleasant interlude yesterday afternoon: I'm on the way out to do some quick shopping, an inmate of the flats oppo is on his way back in. He's called Jim, he's a Scot, he likes his wee dram or fifty. "Wha's this, then? Whut are yoo doin' here, then, wummun?" (I was talking to the flats' caretaker, I thought it looked reasonably obvious.) Scowls, looks back a few grim times, stalks off to his flat.
Half a minute later, returns, scowling. "Wummun! Whur's me Christmas kiss, then?"
And who says Scotsmen aren't romantic?
Pleasant interlude yesterday afternoon: I'm on the way out to do some quick shopping, an inmate of the flats oppo is on his way back in. He's called Jim, he's a Scot, he likes his wee dram or fifty. "Wha's this, then? Whut are yoo doin' here, then, wummun?" (I was talking to the flats' caretaker, I thought it looked reasonably obvious.) Scowls, looks back a few grim times, stalks off to his flat.
Half a minute later, returns, scowling. "Wummun! Whur's me Christmas kiss, then?"
And who says Scotsmen aren't romantic?
simmo
Senior Jockey
The tone of your post suggests you found something to displeasure you in your interaction with this fine gentleman. I am at a loss to explain quite why though. I suppose he could have said please although he's probably not used to such reticence on the part of women in his presence.
BrianH
At the Start
In Scotland that'd be massive foreplay
Colin Phillips
At the Start
I believe Mark is Welsh.
simmo
Senior Jockey
Mark or MarkEE, or both? Not that it matters too much. 
BrianH
At the Start
Don't confuse them - MarkEE is the one who lost his teeth playing rugby while mark is the one who lost his marbles riding cows and climbing pylons