Forumball

I would like to play on the wing, providing the going out there is suitable. Oh, I'd like to change sides at half time so that I am always running with the nap of the grass. Finally, for the moment at least, I only want to be part of a 4 4 2 formation and I'd like Keeley to join me up front.
Demon Diver.
 
Don't forget, when you come together in a scrum you start more or less locked together and push. Tackling is best made just below the knees; lock the arms around the legs, your opponent will go down and you won't get hurt.

When facing off at the line of scrimmage, however, players are allowed to launch themselves at one another from one to two yards away. Field tackles typically come from any angle at full speed and everything from the shoulders down is fair game. Yes, even the dangly bits.

To acclimatise try these training methods:

(1) The Rugby
Stand with your head against the wall and push. Hurts a bit? Good, it's working.

(2) The American Football
Now step back a couple of yards and hurtle at full speed at the same wall. Did you survive? You're in the squad. If you didn't survive please notify the selection committee.
 
In the interests of player fitness, a practice pitch has been put in place at Towcester racecourse, which, as we all know, is uphill in all directions.

Demon Diver need have no fear about the going on the wing, Ms Henrietta Knight has been appointed chief groundsperson. Cotton wool will be made available to all participants before each game.

Retiring players will be shown a gateway into a field. If they exhibit a disinclination to go through it, they will be shot.
 
:lol:

Those successful on the chief groundperson's wing will however be awarded 3 Gold Cups
 
Although not if they are aged seven or under; have suspect jumping ability; have not completed in at least six previous forum ball matches over more than 3 consecutive playing seasons; do not sport colours of any known or unknown fecking football teams; have blue/green colours and a dubious directorship in any dodgy finance companies; are trained in less than three miles from a motorway............
 
Novice players may not take part in the Forumball Gold Cup due to risk of injury or death .

Any person entering a novice notwithstanding will be declared an arse by the Forumball Management Committee and required to stand in the centre of the pitch for one hour wearing only a flowery shower cap with Newpole burgers covering their privates
 
Referees, linesmen, umpires, touch-judges and other officials will as from now cease to be employed by the Forumball Association and will become self-employed contract workers. Work will be allocated on a first come, first served basis (Unless you are in a position to hand an amount in cash to be agreed to the gang boss. For certain members the cash amount could be waived and the position become all important.)

Remuneration for these officials will be decreased by 55% while hours of work will be increased by 32.75%. All will now be expected to cycle (though walking is permitted) to match venues and bring their own sandwiches. This amendment to employment conditions is being done for their own good and in a caring fashion.
 
Cracked ribs, broken collarbones, fractured cheekbones and loss of, or damage to teeth are considered minor injuries and medical treatment will not be permitted whilst a match is in progress. Concussion is officially deemed a physical impossibility as participants don't have more than one brain cell between them ...
 
There will be a minimum of three referees at all times. They must carry white sticks for reprimanding players not complying with any of the rules above and also wear dark, opaque glasses. Referees to be no nearer than 150m from play at all times.


Vegetarian players will be permitted in no-league matches and in all inter-forum forumball matches but are forbidden from taking part in three player scrums as biting is mandatory.
 
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