Gardener Davies's Horticultural Hints

[Ian_Davies]

Don't waste time removing unwanted greenery with expensive gardening equipment, just climb on top of nature's offensive items and repeatedly jump up and down on them.

If you're over 5ft 10 and weigh 13 stone plus, they'll soon get the message.

 

[Desert Orchid]

I find they soon tire of me pishing on them.

 

[Ian_Davies]

Topper!

 

[walsworth]

Works on unwanted visitors too.

 

[Ian_Davies]

No one will be surprised to learn I don't exactly have a lot of visitors.

 

[Desert Orchid]

Works on unwanted visitors too.

I was keeping that to myself...

 

[walsworth]

No one will be surprised to learn I don't exactly have a lot of visitors.

You could jump up and down on Vinyl Vera.

 

[Keep Quiet]

You can take a horticulture but that still won’t make her classy.

 

[Ian_Davies]

Hoping for 12mm rain overnight to get my woody waste properly decomposing.

Plus it makes it extra brittle when it dries out and consequently breaks down quicker when I jump up and down in it like it's a trampoline to the endless amusement of my neighbours.

 

[walsworth]

Do you have clothes on when you do this?

 

[Ian_Davies]

Obviously, you strange fellow!

 

[walsworth]

just wondering what was amusing the neighbours.

 

[Ian_Davies]

62yo bloke jumping up and down on woody garden waste - what's not to like?

It goes down a storm!

 

[walsworth]

I give up, what or who, is ‘woody garden waste’ rhyming slang for?

 

[Ian_Davies]

It isn't (afaik) - it's garden waste that is predominantly wood-based that copped for 12mm rain last night and I'm hoping will break down to quasi compost over time.

Every time it dries out after rain, it gets more brittle and breaks down more every time I walk over it.