Not Being Picky.... But

  • Thread starter Thread starter Kathy
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Glad its over!

After ferocious row my daughter packed her bags and went to live with her Grandma.

I mean all I said was 'over my dead body' when she announced that she intended on a gap year to go and look after down and outs with some charity organisation.

Well, probably said more than that, but I feel I had every right.

Now my wife blames me for her leaving.

Her Grandma lives a few hundred yards away, its not as if its miles away and I feel that if my duaghter is thinking about this kind of future she might as well sense homelessness first hand.

Still smouldering - MR2
 
Monty, your daughter sounds like a smashing kid. Take a deep breath, reconsider and make the first move. Life`s much too short and it is her life.
 
'smashing kid' - thats just what all her college tutors say and I can't disagree.

Yeah, probably will build a bridge, but I'm not keen on backing down until my daughter appreciates there are consequences to actions.

I feel she has been given some poor advice as well as an inapproprite invitation at her college by a christian organisation.

From a very early age I conditioned my three kids to achieve, her brothers doing very well at med school and she progressing likewise. To me she's taking a needless risk with her future.


MR2
 
My daughter is in her final year at school, Monty, and her teachers and I have high hopes for her.

If she came up with a similar proposal I would be impressed, although I would also be wary and would want to know more. I had a brief taste of working in a shelter for homeless men when I was a student and it was very demanding, perhaps too demanding given my age and inexperience.

By the way, many schools in Ireland offer a semi-structured gap year to their students at around age 16. The stats apparently show that students who take a year out do better in their final school leaving exams than those who don't.
 
Look at it as a positive Monty. If she can do it whilst at University she'll be picking up extra experience which is vital in the modern world - more career opportunities etc.

I've recently found out that it's all well and good having a piece of paper saying you know all this about housing, politics, economics, international relations, homelessness etc. but without any practical experience of it you're screwed.

Not sure what degree your daughter is doing but look at it as an opportunity rather than a risk.
 
From the age of 8 and hooked on 'Casualty', she has always wanted to be an A&E consultant. the reason being as she said 'A&E consultants never take any sh..'.

Needless to say, I wanted to know who had taught her such a phrase, turned out to be one of her older brothers.

Don't think it helped when I reminded her of this aspiration over the Christmas lunch, and that I seldom hear of consultants helping out in soup kitchens.

The reaction being similar to Ripley's at the meeting when she was told that planet engineers had landed on that planet .... words like bullshit, it will be the end etc

MR2
 
I think it's a very worthy thing your daughter is wanting to do.

Give her your blessing (even if it is said slightly through gritted teeth) and you might find out she changes her mind and doesn't actually last a whole year - or may not do it at all. Making mistakes and taking wrong advice is all part of lifes rich pattern. Like DD said, life's too short and longer term your daughter is going to be a highly respected member of our society and wanting to do some hands on charity work should be applauded.

You sound like a very proud Dad!
 
You could possibly suggest some middle ground. You go and check it all out first and she promises to try it for a fortnight and if it is too difficult or traumatic she gives it up or find something else along similar lines you would feel happier with. Communicate with her and hopefully you will be able to resolve the issue together and she can move back home.
 
and that I seldom hear of consultants helping out in soup kitchens.
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My sister is a consultant. She's very good at it. I attribute her success to the fact that in the early stages of her life, rather than nailing her head down in the books, she got out there, worked normal jobs, met people and developed personal skills which served her well and helped her move up the ladder.

Your child is looking to do something different. I have a lot of friends who have gone on such missions and all it does is give them a sense of purpose and make them less selfish in how they live their life. It's a positive thing. Let her live it.
 
Let her go for it, but make sure that she knows you're there if it all goes tits up.
My parents stopped me from following my chosen career and I've held it against them ever since. Mind you, I wanted to be the next Geoff Duke! (young people Google for info)
Has she considered a short service commission? They must be crying out for medics now, and there would be plenty of experience to be gained in Afghanistan or Iraq.
 
Originally posted by Grey@Jan 7 2008, 10:30 PM
My daughter is in her final year at school, Monty, and her teachers and I have high hopes for her.

If she came up with a similar proposal I would be impressed, although I would also be wary and would want to know more. I had a brief taste of working in a shelter for homeless men when I was a student and it was very demanding, perhaps too demanding given my age and inexperience.

By the way, many schools in Ireland offer a semi-structured gap year to their students at around age 16. The stats apparently show that students who take a year out do better in their final school leaving exams than those who don't.
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I would be impressed too, and very proud.

Not enough people in this world care enough for others and if my daughter opted to do this I'd be giving her every support and encouragement. She'll be a wiser and better person for the experience.
 
Originally posted by walsworth@Jan 8 2008, 12:47 AM
Let her go for it, but make sure that she knows you're there if it all goes tits up.
My parents stopped me from following my chosen career and I've held it against them ever since. Mind you, I wanted to be the next Geoff Duke! (young people Google for info)
Has she considered a short service commission? They must be crying out for medics now, and there would be plenty of experience to be gained in Afghanistan or Iraq.
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I just googled him Walsworth, turns out he's from the same town as me too :laughing:
 
Isn't it the norm for students to take a year out nowadays?

If she is the sensible type & it sounds like she is, I don't see any harm, after all if she has been working hard taking a break refreshes the mind & she will come back & get stuck into whatever her chosen career path is,

My son is 16yrs old next month & is due to stay on to do his A levels etc & we have already talked about gap years, he will probably take one before going on to whatever his chosen career
 
Be warned, MR2 - the more you try to control your daughter the less influence you will have over her.

She's an adult and, even though she may still need your financial asistance to achieve her career goals, it's time for you start letting go and stop being so controlling.

Personally, if she wer my daughter, my hat would be off to her for her initiative and committment in not just up and bumming off for her gap year but rather actually giving something back to the community.

You should apologise to her, give her a big hug, a serious cheque and watch her grow into a really smashing adult woman.

PS - you & Mrs MR2 must have done something very right to have produced such a lovely girl!!!
 
My son is currently attending his first year at Uni but took a gap year out and was encouraged to work to earn money to tide him over during the first and most expensive year.

I am very glad I did too - he cant get a job (as a fresher its harder and there are two uni's in the area both competing for jobs) so now he is getting himself known as a radio DJ (first fresher at his uni to have the Monday morning 7.30-9am show) has a politics show and chat and is an active member of several groups, ranging from Cricket club to Operatic Society.

I would say try to get her to compromise - find a job in the sector that she is interested even if its only offering small pay it does teach them the value of money and appreciation of whats needed in a work place. Its irrelevant if you as a parent CAN afford to let her take a gap year off unpaid it doesnt impress future employers as much as some organisations like to think.

Irish Stamp - the jobs out there somewhere for you hun!
 
Whatever you decide to do MR2, I'd check out the "Christian organisation" beforehand. That was the only thing that started any alarm bells - they may well be bona fide but there are also quite a few dodgy cult-like organisations out there trying to brainwash teenagers of about that age that they would be helping other people. Then, once they get them under their wing.....
 
If you have concerns about how Christian the organisation is then maybe refering her to a group like Cafod or VMM who do similar charity work (VMM in Africa and South America I believe) or Shelter and Crisis who work in the sector in the UK.
 
Thanks to everyone who has taken the trouble to respond or perhaps just read a sorry family saga.

To put fears at rest, I know the christian organisation and it is cocha, I'm just think that they have not thought through some of the 'advice' they have proferred in respect of my daughter's long held objective.

My main concern is that she will end up very disappointed and not get the opportunity of a medical carreer she has hoped for so long.

A gap year will almost certainly diminish her academic conditioning necessary for such an intense course. Interestingly, my younger son came home at Christmas with a story about a fresher student on his course who lasted a couple of lectures and was never seen again, such was their intensity.

I will, of course, build bridges but I'm not rushing - I need my daughter to realise that if she wants to achieve her ambition she must differentiate between 'going on a whim' and setting real objectives.

Thanks once again - MR2
 
Although I had a gap year between school and Uni (back in the Dark Ages) it's not something I encouraged my son to do, as I think you do have to be ultra-disciplined to really get back into the swing of academic life again. Back then, it simply wasn't really accetable to 'drop out' of Uni - mainly because it was seriously more difficult to actually get there for the majority!

Giles went straight from school to Uni and then, after graduation, decided to stay in Bath, get a job to support himself by working in a pub and take a pull for a while. It lasted just over a year, he got bored, realised it was time to get on the career ladder and is now well underway in his journo career.

Worked for him - might not for others but I do think the promise of a gap year after Uni - when your kids are more street-wise for a start - can work very well.
 
One of my sons has just embarked on a post Masters degree gap year a week ago. He just eMailed from Bondi Beach. He wtached the New Years Eve fireworks display on Sydney Harbour Bridge. Did some 17K cliff walk the next day. Got free tickets to the SCG and saw Hayden make a 100. Lost a few dollars at the gee gees, but got it back by entering his girlfriend in a midget wrestling competition. He is Melbourne now and about to head off for some deep sea diving soon. (He learned to dive on his last gap year.) His tan is apparently coming along nicely. Then he hires a camper van and goes to the outback, before heading to South America in a couple of months.

I am sitting in the pissing rain freezing my nuts off trying to work out if Barker is the good thing he looks on Sunday. Yes, horrible things these gap year thingys.
 
Thought I'd take the time to round off my errant family story ...

Chrismas was quite stressful but Easter has turned out quite well.

Sarah, my daughter, decided she probably has more freedom here with her parents than under the eyes of her Grandma and decided to move back in with us two weeks ago. I'm getting a lot less grief from my wife even if Sarah is more than making up (She will eventually realise there's only room for one alpha character in any social group).

But, more importantly, on Easter Sunday Sarah got a email to say she had a place at Brighton and Middlesex Medical School. So, any discussions over gap years have gone away.

Just an aside, my brother bought a plot of land in Wales a while ago and is converting a barn. A tv company has decided to make one of those property development programes about his adventure.

They have already lost one potential viewer, my niece (age 9) had been promised an ear-piercing trip on Saturday, only for said TV company toring up last week to say they wanted to make a trailer and would be there over the weekend. Kate was none too pleased.

MR2
 
Nice pun, Bull.

In terms of that calculi problem, she had done exactly what you suggested but the answer in the text book seemed to indicate otherwise.

On inspection, the question gave a set of co-ordinates to throw into the equation and generate the solution given in the book. So, it was a case of not completing the question rather than not knowing how to do it.

A step I overlooked as well.

MR2
 
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