Shadow Leaders [latest] Rant

Talking of talking parrots.............. :eek:
This guy wanted a parrot who talked. He asked the pet store manager if there was a bird who was already speaking. The manager directed the guy to a bird by the window. "This bird has a vocabulary of 1000 words and another 50 phrases that would fit most occasions."

The guy bought the bird and took it home.

Next day, the guy was back in the petstore to complain. The bird hadn't said a word.

The pet store manager said, "That's not unusual. Why not buy a few of the toys the bird had been used to playing with while here and put it in his cage. That should get him more comfortable with his surroundings and loosen him up." The man paid for the toys and took them home to the bird.

Two days later the guy showed back up. "Still not talking, huh?" asked the manager. "Well, perhaps a birdbath would do the trick." The credit card was whipped out, the purchase made, and the guy was back home with his new birdbath.

And, like clockwork, two days later the guy was back to complain that the bird STILL hadn't said one word. This time the shop owner scratched his head and said, "You know, sometimes the bird would be praised in his training and allowed to ring this bell." The guy was hesitant, but he really wanted to hear the bird talk, so he reluctantly purchased the bell.

Two days later, the guy was back in the shop. This time the pet shop owner suggested the bird was lonely. The guy was upset that he'd have to purchase ANOTHER bird when the first one wasn't talking. The pet shop owner told him that, no, he wouldn't have to do that. Just buy a mirror and trick the bird into thinking he had company.

You guessed. Two days later, the man was back in the store, this time with the parrot. The parrot was dead. "What happened! Didn't the bird ever talk?" asked the pet store owner.

"Yep. Right before he died it said, ''What's the matter?...Don't they sell fecking birdseed at the pet store any more?'" :P :laughing:
 
Two ducks are flying over Ballymena. The first duck goes "quack!" and the second one says "I'm goin' as quack as I can!!"
 
A man boards an airliner, takes his seat, and is surprised to find
a large purple parrot in the seat next to him.

The aircraft takes off and a pretty flight attendant walks down
the aisle past the man and his seat mate.

"Hey, bitch, "says the parrot, "bring me a whiskey and soda, and
make it snappy!"

The FA looks annoyed, but walks on. A minute later, she walks
back up the aisle, and the parrot pipes up again:

"Goddammit, you lazy whore, where's my whiskey? Hurry it up!
" Visibly flustered, the FA hurries up the aisle and returns
quickly with the parrot's drink.

Impressed with the parrot's technique, the man decides to get
some quick service for himself.

"Hey, slut, " says the man, "get me a dry martini. And don't drag
your sorry ass - I want it right now! "

The FA turns red with anger and runs to the front of the plane.
In a moment she returns with the First Officer and two burly
male flight attendants.

The crewmen seize the passenger and the parrot, jerk open the
emergency door, and hurl them both out of the airplane at 20,
000 feet.

As the two hurtle out the door, the parrot says to the man, "Ya
know, for someone who can't fly, you got a lotta balls."
 
Finally.......one ecstatically happy bird is safely ensconsed in her new cage. Phew!! After relieving me of half a finger & getting truly arsey in her wooden transport box she is now happier than a very happy thing whistling, talking & battering her toys against her new cage. Haven't seen her this happy in ages!!! (even Dad's fallen in love after previously saying he didn't want "the winged rodent" anywhere near him - now she's "really very cute", especially on letting him scratch her head!!!)
 
Originally posted by Shadow Leader@Mar 29 2007, 09:43 PM
especially on letting him scratch her head!!!
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Ah she's just lulling him into a false sense of security before going in for the kill :laughing:
 
That's a shame, isn't it? A bevy of talking mice or singing guinea pigs would surely enhance any social gathering?
 
Originally posted by Triptych@Mar 30 2007, 07:54 PM
Can we see a photo of this (in)famous parrot?
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Attack%20Parrot_attack_640.jpg
 
:D Look at that cheeky girl! I love the inquiring pose - you know she knows her picture's being taken, too, the little actress. Very lovely and very healthy-looking, too. What's the ring on her left leg, Shadz?
 
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