The Greatest One Liner................

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Peter Kay's line in Phoenix Nights - "Garlic bread - it's the future, I've tasted it" - has been named the greatest one-liner in TV comedy history.

Uttered by wheelchair-bound nightclub owner Brian Potter, it beat other memorable favourites from the likes of Only Fools and Horses, Blackadder and Fawlty Towers.

The Mrs Merton Show, where the acid-tongued pensioner played by Caroline Aherne asks Debbie McGee: "So, what first attracted you to millionaire Paul Daniels?", takes second place.

Next is The Office, where Ricky Gervais' creation David Brent launches another desperate attempt to boost his credentials as a cool boss. He tells his employees: "If you were to ask me to name three geniuses, I probably wouldn't say Einstein, Newton... I'd go Milligan, Cleese, Everett, Sessions...".

Fourth in the poll, commissioned by UKTV Gold, is Father Ted, where actor Dermot Morgan utters the line: "I'm not a fascist. I'm a priest. Fascists dress up in black and tell people what to do. Whereas priests... more drink?"

The survey put Rowan Atkinson's Edmund Blackadder in fifth place, with the vitriolic butler uttering: "He's mad! He's mad. He's madder than Mad Jack McMad, the winner of this year's Mr Madman competition."

In sixth place is Only Fools And Horses, where street cleaner Trigger (Roger Lloyd-Pack) speculates on the name of Del Boy's new baby and continues a lifelong habit of thinking that Rodney's name is Dave. "If it's a girl they're gonna name it Sigourney after an actress, and if it's a boy they're gonna name him Rodney after Dave," he says.

Absolutely Fabulous, and PR woman Patsy's (Joanna Lumley) typically catty remark: "One more facelift on this one and she'll have a beard" is seventh. Fawlty Towers takes eighth place, with John Cleese's hotel proprietor Basil Fawlty responding to two guests speaking to him in German by saying: "Oh, German. I'm sorry, I thought there was something wrong with you."

I'm Alan Partridge (Steve Coogan) is ninth with his message relayed to his downtrodden secretary over his hands-free kit while he aimlessly drives around Norwich: "I'm going nowhere, Lynn. Quite literally, I'm on the ring road."

The Vicar of Dibley takes the last spot in the top 10, with Geraldine Granger (Dawn French) making her village debut as new priest, by announcing: "You were expecting a bloke with a beard, a bible and bad breath. You've got a babe with a bob cut and a magnificent bosom."



Some of those are awful, there has to be better.
 
Some of those are good but the Garlic Bread line and a couple of others are more a reflection of the presentism that voters suffer from (see also Andy and Lou being voted the greatest comedy sketch or whatever it was).
 
And the one about the facelift/beard etc was doing the rounds in the mid-70s. Hardly original.

These things are just hyped-up production meeting ideas over-sold by the promotions department and bought by the over-impressionable.

A bit like Sunny Delight.
 
But they're only doing what people are exhorted to do, IS - live for 'the now', live in 'the time', don't look back and don't try to guess the future. Being 'in the moment' is what it's all about. So it's no wonder that such bits of fluff are even more ephemeral than usual.
 
That's what I thought too James - for starters : "Thanks bridesmaid, like the beard. Gives me something to hang on to!"

I have always liked the Mrs Merton line though, predictable and unoriginal as it is.
 
That's not the best Alan Partridge line either. The one I like is "Wings... the band The Beatles could have been".
 
I never remember one-liners - I really doubt that many people do, unless they have them played over and over in the media, as is now done with the comedy review. I think you remember catch-lines/words, or you remember the overall tone of the show far more. No-one would muddle up the ghastly David Brent with Alan Partridge - a couple of wonderful grotesques, just played realistically enough to not be caricatures - you remember the feel of the show, and wait eagerly for the next dreadful gaffe the character will make, rather than recalling one line hidden among dozens of shows.
 
My favourite one-liner wasn`t from a comedy show.

Tony Soprano - "Cunnilingus and Psychiatry brought us to this."

You need to have seen the episode.
 
Abe: Dear Mr. President. There are too many states now-a-days. Please eliminate three. I am not a crackpot

Burns: This anonymous clan of slack-jawed troglodytes has cost me the election, and yet if I were to have them killed, I would be the one to go to jail. That's democracy for you.

Homer: I'm normally not a praying man, but if you're up there, please save me Superman

Abe: My Homer is not a communist. He may be a liar, a pig, an idiot, a communist, but he is not a porn star.

Lionel Hutz: Well, he's kind of had it in for me ever since I accidentally ran over his dog. Actually, replace "accidentally" with "repeatedly," and replace "dog" with "son."

Not a one liner, but comedy perfection:

Wait a minute wait a minute wait a minute. Lisa honey, are you saying you're *never* going to eat any animal again? What about bacon?"
"No."
"Ham?"
"No."
"Pork chops?"
"Dad! Those all come from the same animal!"
"Yeah, right Lisa. A wonderful, maaaagical animal.
 
Abe; Dear Advertisers, I am disgusted with the way old people are depicted on television. We are not all vibrant, fun-loving sex maniacs. Many of us are bitter, resentful individuals who remember the good old days when entertainment was bland and inoffensive. The following is a list of words I never want to hear on television again. Number one: Bra. Number two: Horny. Number three: Family Jewels.
 
Burns: "Use an open-faced club, a sand wedge!"
Homer: "MMM, open faced club sandwich"
th_icon_eek.gif
 
the only one i laughed at was the only fools & horses one.

which series/episode is that from euronymous? ive just started watching sopranos im just about to start on series 4, but dont know anyone else who has watched it. whenever i bring it up in conversation i get funny looks so ive learnt to keep schtm!
 
Cant remember, it may be in the fourth series. Most people wont have seen it because it aint on ITV or BBC. Both those channels need fucking for the way they criminally ignore amazing American programmes, both comedy and drama. The list is endless.
 
If you were asking what episode is the "open faced club sandwich" line from - it's the one Marge buys a Chanel suit for $90 and gets invited into High Society.
 
Euro, a problem that many people have with American "comedies", apart from the accents, is the canned laughter. I really don't like being told when to laugh. I once saw an episode of the much-vaunted "Friends". It was terrrible, nice teeth though.

One of my favourite Blackadder lines is...

..."Baldrick, an eternity with Satan, and all his little helpers, would be as nothing compared to five minutes with me, and this pencil".
 
"Friends" - gee, why not use semaphore while you're at it, to signal the next unfunny, over-emoted, over-gurned attempt at humour? Maybe have a sign flashing in the background reading "JOKE IMMINENT!!!" and a couple of big neon smilies, too, just in case we missed the point that we were supposed to find it a laff-riot. Bitterly disappointing and such broad characterisations, I'm surprised it didn't need widescreen.

I get far more fun out of 'Mythbusters'.
 
Originally posted by krizon@Aug 14 2006, 08:03 PM
"Friends" - gee, why not use semaphore while you're at it, to signal the next unfunny, over-emoted, over-gurned attempt at humour? Maybe have a sign flashing in the background reading "JOKE IMMINENT!!!" and a couple of big neon smilies, too, just in case we missed the point that we were supposed to find it a laff-riot.
Click to expand...
I thought they already did.
 
One of my favourite lines was in an episode of Jonathan Creek, I think it might be the episode called "Mother Redcap" :ph34r: anyway it starred Brian Murphy (George Roper!) as a detective, he was going along in his car telling JC about his daughter who is having a baby be sperm donation & he says "Whats she going to put on its birth certificate? Some wan*er" :lol: :lol:
 
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