The Talking Horses Best Seller!

[PDJ]

from a member of an internet forum. He wouldn't give his name because...

 

[Gearoid]

the state only requires his x on the first Tuesday every month for his benefit payments which hes entitled to because....

 

[Muttley]

... of his obsessive compulsion to act in a curmudgeonly fashion and ...

 

[Songsheet]

shameless promotion of veggie-burgers, which he uses to...

 

[Diminuendo]

cover up Mary Reveley's private parts with and

 

[Bar the Bull]

...throw at Timmy Murphy to goad him into putting on his lost weight. Meanwhile, James Toller was putting on his rubber gloves, oblivious to the menacing approach of...

 

[Triptych]

the E-Dead subset, the leader of which looked strangely like.....

 

[Songsheet]

a certain well-known member of an elite racing forum - distinguished by an uncanny ability to make certain items disappear into...

 

[Muttley]

.. cyberspace and an unusual way of ...

 

[PDJ]

talking about singing through dana's tights. Jim Lewis, unaware of this development..

 

[Diminuendo]

had to answer his mobile which had been ringing on and off for the last few minutes and he was glad to hear the voice of........

 

[Zozzy]

Clare Balding, asking if she could borrow Best Mate to send him hunting with Paul Carberry, and let Richard Pitman, Peter Scudamore, and That One With The Perpetual Daft Grin loose on Hen Knight's yard whilst watching the footage on a live link to see if her head explodes from the stress, for a naff BBC feature.

Jim gave this a moment's thought and then said, "Well Clare I have great respect for your artistic integrity and I have to say...

 

[Gearoid]

it would be great to finally see a bit of top class meat vibrating between your legs.

 

[Diminuendo]

:blink: The phone suddenly went dead.

 

[Merlin the Magician]

amen!!!

 

[Muttley]

.. said Jim, dropping his 'phone in his Murphy's and ..

 

[Zozzy]

...deciding it just wasn't worth it any more, all the press hassle and mad TV presenters making his life hell. Standing up the bar, he yelled "I'm selling Best Mate for a tenner - any takers?"

Immediately, a lone figure from the back of the bar stepped out of the shadows, revealing himself to be...

 

[Muttley]

.. Oliver Carter, whose razor-sharp racing brain had masterminded the rise and rise of the steeplechasing phenomonen known as ...

 

[Triptych]

Venn Ottery, 'I'll do you a swap Jimmy' he shouts...

 

[PDJ]

but you'll have to sweeten the deal. Get The Hat to throw in Great Benefit and we can do business. Jim replied...

 

[Diminuendo]

I bet you want my Villa jim jams as well with matching slippers, that Hen bought with her winnings from backing Kicking King for last years Gold Cup, well do ya , do ya?

 

[Zozzy]

At this point Harchibald thundered into the pub, knocking the doors off their hinges, and then stopped three feet from the bar, as is his way, making Paul Carberry get out of the saddle to buy a round of drinks. Paul put a (spiked) pint in front of Jim Lewis and said "I'd like to buy your horse but the condition is...

 

[Gearoid]

...the police officer stopped Paul at that part of his statement, "so your denying you set Jim Lewis on fire after entering the pub?"...

 

[Muttley]

"It was an accident!!" He cried. "The match accidentally struck itself and lit the firelighter, which lit the paper, which set light to the twigs, which fired up the log and set off the coke .........."

 

[PDJ]

which got Robbie Fowler started about how Seebald should have beaten Best Mate last year...