Cancer..help.

gigilo

gigilo

Senior Jockey
Joined
May 5, 2011
Messages
9,797
After seeing my grandads die of the disease one of them I was really close to, closer than my parents even 25 years on still find myself grieving him and when my gran his wife suffered terribly with her heart numerous times going into hospital scared witless and having her heart basically started up has left a big impression on me and time has not been a healer.At the beginning of july my mum phones me to say she has incurable lung cancer,now knowing i'm going to have to go through this all again everyday seems like a nightmare,i'm still in denial she has it as she goes under treatment just to try and get into remission I already suffer with severe depression with my diagnosis off ms in may,she also has been looking after my 92 year old other gran as well this will leave my dad with the responsibility.
I lived with my gran for awhile when my grandad passed away,think it was good for her and me as all three of us were so close my dad and me aren't fortunately, my brother is around and he will do anything for anyone so he will always be there.Does anyone know how severe here treatments will effect here she has it in both lungs and liver and in chest,i havn;'t asked her how long but I did say to her the usual life expectancy is 8 months to 2 years which she said is right she was diagnosed in may but has had these ongoing ''chest infections''for over 12 months yet another mishap by doctors xrays no mris.Am so angry at the moment and don't know what to do,i'm sure lots on here have seen relatives in their family go through it just wondering if anyone knows if she does go into remission would she be able to travel etc and perhaps take a long holiday like a month away.They have never excepted anything off me financially me my mum had a stroke at 44 and my dad left his job as a surveyor to look after her so basically they've been living on his small pension,i really want to do something for them and wondering if she will be well enough to travel.At the moment she has wheezing,but she is eating and says she feels ok but as I know from experience these things can rapidly decline wiil all this constant chemo and new drugs they are trying make her start more unwell than she currently feels enabling her to do nothing...
 
Oh my gosh G, how horribly horribly sad, I'm so sorry that you are having to go through this again - once is bad enough :(

Have MacMillan got a telephone or email line you could ask about going away? https://www.macmillan.org.uk/ has a section for you to search for your area and see what help is available, you might find they have all the answers you are looking for ( I have Macmillan up on a pedestal- they are incredibly special people ) It's a gorgeous idea to take your mum away when she's in remission - if you aren't able to speak to her doctor then I'm sure Macmillan will be able to answer questions like yours.
Really hope all works out - cancer is a horrible, horrible thing :(


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So sorry to read what a cr*p time you are having but can't only echo Trudi's words on contacting Macmillan. I am currently helping out a friend with her horses since her late diagnosis 2.5 years ago with bowel cancer that has now spread to the liver and lungs. For the past 2 years, she has tried to carry on as much as possible and certainly her passion for her horses has kept her going. She herself went on a lovely family holiday to Italy only in August. Sadly she too has a chest infection and is now pretty poorly. Chemo and steroids will knock out the immune system so its very important to keep away from potential situations where she can pick something up. I am pretty sure my friend got hers from the aeroplane (recycled air).
I think my advice would be, get in touch with Macmillan - they will be in a better position to advise you and to liaise with doctors re possible activities she is able to do. It can be overwhelming especially when you are so involved emotionally and they will not only advise care for her but also you. Sometimes the medical profession forgets how it affects the lives and health of those around the patient but Macmillan (and Marie Curie charity) are really good at stepping in.
 
Also perhaps contact Age UK? Agree about MacMillan, though. I had a scare last year [thankfully turned out to be nothing] but phoned them up and spoke to them for ages. Are you thinking of a holiday in this country or abroad?
 
Thanks very much for replys,as jinny mentioned her immune system will be knocked out that's why i'm preying on her going to some sort of remission as I cannot visit her as for the last 3 years I have no immune system myself,constant flu,chest infections and general colds I barely get a week where i'm not coughing and spluttering and as my mum said best to stay away for time being.Think most importantly will be to see how her treatments working out and wether it's stopped any more spread she started chemo 4 weeks ago alongside other new drugs that are supposed to kill cancer cells,i was thinking of getting them some sort of cruise maybe if that's possible they had a disaster last September and had to cancel their holiday losing all their money due to my mum being ill then through these supposed chest infections/bronchitis.Like I said am very angry with doctors 4 lots of anti biotics she was given,a long term smoker with constant cough I remember saying to her 6 months ago that something wasn't right and not even an mri till too late..
 
Agree about MacMillan nurses. They are wonderful.

I realise it might sound trite - it's not meant to - but the most important thing you can offer right now is your time.

21 years after my mother was taken by cancer (at 'just' 69) I remain angry with my boss at the time who 'advised' me against taking time off work (I asked for time off unpaid as I was convinced she only had a matter of days) insisting keeping my mind off her plight would be better for me. He followed up his 'advice' with the throwaway remark, "Besides, she might might live for weeks or months and we can't have you off for that length of time." I realised then what his agenda really was. I had the conversation with him on the Monday after visiting her the day before. She died during the night between Wednesday and Thursday after my work received a phone call from the family during the Wednesday on the advice of the doctor.

I ended up only having a few hours with her, something that still bothers me.

So, as I say, let the medical experts and MacMillan people do all they can to help but the greatest gift you can giver her is your time.
 
My daughter works in Oncology and palliative care. If you don't object I'll email her your post and PM a reply if she has any insightful or helpful remarks. I have been blessed in not having any family member suffer from cancer but one of my closest friends died from it last year and I can see why you are deeply upset. I wish you strength.

DO - I hope you subsequently visited your boss with a Glasgow uppercut.
 
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I'm sure ALL forum members hope you find the most appropriate way to deal with this scenario gigilo even if they don't say so and also we hope your own health improves soon.
 
Very sorry to hear about this. Coincidentally just heard this morning I must go under the knife myself next week to have a bit of brain taken out, so thoughts very much with you on this.
 
an capall said:
My daughter works in Oncology and palliative care. If you don't object I'll email her your post and PM a reply if she has any insightful or helpful remarks. I have been blessed in not having any family member suffer from cancer but one of my closest friends died from it last year and I can see why you are deeply upset. I wish you strength.

DO - I hope you subsequently visited your boss with a Glasgow uppercut.
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No I don't mind at all the more I know the better,think everything revolves her going into remission although it couldn't be anyworse having lung cancer that has spread,from what she told me the doctors were positive saying she was healthy etc and there were other drugs they could try if the first lot don't work at all.Of course she may just be saying these things to me,she started her treatments 4 weeks ago from what I've read I think they get some sort of results after 6 weeks although i'm completely guessing just goig on what I've read..
 
I'm not a regular reader or follower of your thread, gigilo, because the type of racing you mainly concentrate on is not something I follow. But I am in awe of what you achieve and your contribution here. I hope you can find the help and the strength you will need to get through what lies ahead.

And Venusian, best of luck to you too, may your operation go smoothly.
 
Speaking of operations, has anyone had cataracts removed?

If so, could you talk us through the procedure?

Also, does anyone know anything about astigmatism corrective implants?
 
I presume the principles are the same, trudij.

Sadly, the horses won't be able to tell us how they felt during the op.

Anyway, I ask because I was referred to the eye hospital recently. I've been attending one or another since my defective vision was first discovered when I was about 8 or 9.

I have a 'lazy eye'. It's a form of astigmatism but I've been told these last 50 years there's nothing can be done for it. As recently as about 15 years ago I went to a private company for another opinion but they said the same thing. They also ruled out laser eye surgery as a viable option.

Two years ago my local hospital reiterated that opinion. I've known for a few years I had cataracts developing but was told by the specialist it was too early to do anything as my vision wasn't badly-enough affected. (They should try seeing through these eyes.)

Last week I was very taken aback when the specialist said she could operate on my cataracts but, more than that, she reckoned they "could do something for" my astigmatism.

I suspect this is because I'm losing my sight in my 'good' eye due to macular degeneration and they reckon the benefits of my being able to see better out of the 'bad' eye will be cheaper than the costs of helping me cope with the onset of virtual blindness. She was talking about implanting a lens to correct the astigmatism.

I'll know more in a couple of months.
 
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I'll check with mum how she was with hers, I'm not sure if it was cataracts or not she had done. She did very well with whatever she had done though - day patient job and minimal discomfort


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DO, my wife had a cataract removed, her eye was a little sore for a few days afterward but her vision improved dramatically. She would have no hesitation in having the other eye done if necessary.
 
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