Irish Stamp
Forum Moderator
Agree with the above sentiments Solerina, report it to the Police. If your brother keeps behaving like this he's never going to learn and one day may end up doing it to someone who will report him to the Police and he'll be in a far worse position then than he is now.
Desert Orchid
Senior Jockey
- Joined
- Aug 2, 2005
- Messages
- 25,456
Tell you what, Solerina - your domestic situation is what I'd call stressful.
Shadow Leader
At the Start
- Joined
- Nov 9, 2003
- Messages
- 9,884
That sounds terrible Sols, hope you get better soon. I'd also agree with the others - report him to the police and you have got to go to hospital to get yourself checked out at least. Head injuries can be serious and take a long time to get over. It must be hard for you that your mum seemingly wants to protect him, understandable as he's her son but you are also her daughter and you're the one who needs protecting, not him. I know my mother would go bizbo at my brother if he dared to do such a thing to me.
Sols, if your Mum's going to protect him, then that's no protection for you, and he's not even remorseful after the event. Next time he may decide he didn't go far enough...
It might help to have a chat with the Citizens' Advice Bureau about your situation, and your mother's. She's probably hiding her head in the sand, because with your father not long passed away, she can't face any more upheaval in her life. But you need to put yourself first now. It's not being selfish, it's being self-protective, and, at the same time, you'll be in a better situation to visit your mother when your brother isn't around.
And see your doctor or go to A&E about your head. PLEASE.
It might help to have a chat with the Citizens' Advice Bureau about your situation, and your mother's. She's probably hiding her head in the sand, because with your father not long passed away, she can't face any more upheaval in her life. But you need to put yourself first now. It's not being selfish, it's being self-protective, and, at the same time, you'll be in a better situation to visit your mother when your brother isn't around.
And see your doctor or go to A&E about your head. PLEASE.
Diminuendo
At the Start
Sols, you need a holiday....anytime you wanna come over here, you are welcome. Spare room going and plenty of racing around this neck of the woods.
Merlin the Magician
At the Start
I think it would be better to also have a chat with your doctor and confide in him/her and ask their advice re. Your current situation? it needs an independent evaluation of it, in my eyes, one never knows! as already stated he could go further next time ..................
regards the injuries if your not cut in any way use distilled Witch Hazel (I think its still available) to reduce swelling and it helps with the healing also and if dabbed on the bumps will soothe too...
Diminuendo
At the Start
Sols, any head injury however small the injury, needs to be checked out by a doctor! Pleeeeeeeeeease get it checked out.
Sol - when I read this I thought you had at last caught up with Mr P Roche, but had come out second best. When I read the rest of your story I am as horrified as the rest of your friends on here.
Get out of there quick, pet.
A
Ardross
Guest
Go and see a solicitor too - not about compensation but protection . This is way too serious to go to a CAB .
It is imperative that you get somewhere safe and now
It is imperative that you get somewhere safe and now
S
solerina
Guest
Thank you all for your concern . I put this up on the forum when I havn't told any of my friends / workmates about it though I must have been a rare site last monday in work , elephant girl . It's easier to get this out of my system here mayby because I'm not telling you face to face although I know many of you . I was just hoping noone would notice but I definitely wasn't fit for work . Still got lumps and bumps and bruises and have read many scary websites about haematoma and fractured skulls .
I will go to the hospital it the swelling doesn't go down though a week later I agree this should be an epitaph to the incident rather than an update . I wouldn't report him purely for my mum's sake and he has done this before .
Bottom line is he doesn't annoy me if I don't annoy him but it's very hard to live with someone who doesn't work or want , uses his dole to buy booze , has my mum running in circles trying to help him get a job which he has no intention of taking .
This was the catylist which resulted in this episode because he had an interview at the Halifax a fortnight ago . I was on a late shift and didn't start till 12 so someone from H'fax phoned the house looking for him . I tried to cover for him and then rang his mobile a dozen times , no reply . About midday I got through and told him what they had said and he assured me that he had been for the interview and didn't know how they had made this mistake . I believed him , but he did'nt realise that I knew the girl in hr who would have interviewed him and she told be he definitely was a no show . I was so embarrassed . He is a compulsive liar and I can't see how I can ever be reconciled to him .
I will go to the hospital it the swelling doesn't go down though a week later I agree this should be an epitaph to the incident rather than an update . I wouldn't report him purely for my mum's sake and he has done this before .
Bottom line is he doesn't annoy me if I don't annoy him but it's very hard to live with someone who doesn't work or want , uses his dole to buy booze , has my mum running in circles trying to help him get a job which he has no intention of taking .
This was the catylist which resulted in this episode because he had an interview at the Halifax a fortnight ago . I was on a late shift and didn't start till 12 so someone from H'fax phoned the house looking for him . I tried to cover for him and then rang his mobile a dozen times , no reply . About midday I got through and told him what they had said and he assured me that he had been for the interview and didn't know how they had made this mistake . I believed him , but he did'nt realise that I knew the girl in hr who would have interviewed him and she told be he definitely was a no show . I was so embarrassed . He is a compulsive liar and I can't see how I can ever be reconciled to him .
You don't have to be reconciled with him, Sols, even though he's flesh and blood. That's one of the nice things of getting to be an adult - you can make a conscious choice about who is toxic to your wellbeing (whether it's physical, mental, emotional, etc.) and get rid of them. Don't keep rescuing him - your Mother can't help herself, it seems, but you can. Let him flunk his interviews, let him lie to other people, let him take the consequences of whatever he does or doesn't do. He, too, is not a child and he, too, is making a conscious decision to drink too much, to be lazy, to be 'rescued' when he can't be bothered to behave properly.
Stop making excuses to yourself about him. You've had a lot of advice on here and if you're just going to carry on making excuses to yourself about why you do nothing about him, people will just shrug their shoulders, since they'll assume you perhaps somehow enjoy the dramas and victimhood.
There's no reason he HAS to live at home in your Mother's house, is there? She could change the locks and put all of his stuff out, and then he can go to the Council, the YMCA, or a hostel and get himself re-homed. He isn't, it appears, going to respect your Mother's soft-heartedness and he won't change his ways, so you should change yours, and stop giving him the benefit of actions with 'no consequences'.
Stop making excuses to yourself about him. You've had a lot of advice on here and if you're just going to carry on making excuses to yourself about why you do nothing about him, people will just shrug their shoulders, since they'll assume you perhaps somehow enjoy the dramas and victimhood.
There's no reason he HAS to live at home in your Mother's house, is there? She could change the locks and put all of his stuff out, and then he can go to the Council, the YMCA, or a hostel and get himself re-homed. He isn't, it appears, going to respect your Mother's soft-heartedness and he won't change his ways, so you should change yours, and stop giving him the benefit of actions with 'no consequences'.
Very disturbing Sols, I've only just picked up on thread, and given it 24 hrs before replying.
First things first; your current well being?. Your right to be concerned about celebral haematoma, they can occur 2 or even up to 3 weeks after impact, and come on very quickly. You need to get that checked out, the chances are that you're ok, but you won't know about fractures or any weakening of the skull. What you tell a hospital won't necessarily matter, although they occasionally make mistakes they see these type of injuries, and tend to know how they are caused.
The second of course of action I fear you're going to have to take is clearly much more difficult and is tantamount to one one of those life defining moments I'm afraid?. My gut reaction was probably not to far removed from your own and that of your mothers given that this is clearly a horrible lose/ lose situation. There's some very important factors you need to consider though, and when taken together they do indeed point you more or less in one direction i'm afraid.
In the first case you need to consider that your life is probably in danger. I hope this isn't alarmist or melodramatic, but alcohol and violence is a potent cocktail, and if you're unable to defend yourself I fear this is probably the grim reality/ worse case scenario you need to front up to?. Few true alcoholics are capable of reforming (I use the word advisedly as it is abused to describe any number of dependent conditions). Some recover, and some manage to arrive at a coping situation, even then the spectre is a stalking shadow, and rarely truly leaves a person. The balance of likelihoods however is that he won't seek assistance nor accept his need to, and certainly not in the short term (most alcoholics need to WANT to confront their demons and beat them) he seems a long way from that, and you don't appear to have time on your side in this one.
My experience of this kind of thing is that it involves a series of taboos which even alcoholics don't normally cross, the moment they do however, the chances of a repetition or (God forbid) escalation increase, and again I'm afraid I think it would be prudent to face up to this likelihood. The fact that he's telling his friends is of grave concern and I wouldn't under estimate its significance. Normally someone would seek to surpress this kind of thing, not brag about it as no one I know would ever where it as a badge of honour. It also tells me that his peer group are incapable of challenging him, and so another avenue of support/ corrective action is probably shut down? I suspect he might very well be the dominant 'alpha male' for want of a crasser way of putting it within this group? Similarly, I'm sure your mother is more than aware that she can't protect you, and that this is actually eating her up inwardly? It strikes me that she's probably scared too, and would desperately want to resolve the situation but doesn't know how to and might be to fearful to try? I feel this might be one of the hardest situations for you to resolve of all, as a sense of abandonment is bound the gnaw away at you, if you perceive yourself to have left her with him. Her own self-esteem is probably pretty low at the moment as she can be far from happy about what she'll probably blame herself to some extent for presciding over. It's my guess she'd probably give serious thought to running off with you if she could? I fear that burying ones head in the sand and hoping it'll go away though, isn't an answer.
Once the physical side of the pain is subsides, the mental side takes a grip, and this really can take its toll, as you never know what person will walk through the front door, or what minor action of seemingly the most innocious nature can provoke another attack. Essentially, you end up sentancing yourself to a day to day existance based around surviving, against a backdrop of an ever attendant threat which for the most part is camoflagued. Basically, its a torture which given that it can apparently strike from no where with not even any discernable element of provocation or sense of prediction makes it all the worse, and under normal circumstances will eventually take its toll on your own mental health and quality of life etc. You'll unfortunately find yourself treading on egg shells constantly wondering whether anything you do or say is likely to precipitate another assualt. It can become all consuming, and very quickly you can find its taken your own life over, as you primarily are occupying yourself with such thoughts to the level where its just about the only thing you're considering day in, day out. It's no way to carry on.
Unfortunately, I fear I have to share with you my humble opinion (which taken from a distance might be off the mark) but I'm afraid that something will cause him to snap again, and the Rubicon has been crossed once, and so presents less of barrier to do it a second time now. It might not necessarily be you that is the subject of the next assault, but you need to consider that it might be, (I believe people tend to attack the people they've attacked previuously?) and that it could be worse this time.
I'm making some assumptions here which might impact on which way you go. Am I correct in saying you're based in Ireland? would that be rural Ireland or big City Ireland? I don't know how the Garda approach these things, I believe the UK police have got better though? Am I also correct in thinking you're in your early 20's? single? and not necessarily financially independent? I'm sorry if this sounds a bit personal, but its just trying to establish what options you might have open to you. As I said earlier most of us have to face up to life defining decisions, and severing a family link isn't taken lightly, especially if you still percieve your mother to be a hostage to the situation. I think you need to balance this though against the very serious danger you might be in, and it isn't enough to content yourself with on 99.9% of the occasions its ok etc 0.01% is all it takes.
Essentially the environment isn't save for you to remain in I believe?, and something has to give. I would seriously consider taking Diminuedo up on her offer to allow yourself a time to reflect and consider your best options etc, as well as providing a haven for you to recover from the ordeal. People don't make kind offers for the sake of their own vanity I believe, and I'd have no compunction about asking for help thus if I were in your position, and someone had offered it.
Ultimately, I suspect that you and your mother will have to put your trust in the authorities, but this could leave you open to a revenge attack if they fail to prosecute it effectively, and although it hasn't been said, I'd be surprised if this wasn't at the back of your thinking?, especially as the person knows so much about you, and could probably find you, if resourceful enough? It's a horrible situation and I'm afraid there aren't any easy answers which don't involve a lot of pain I fear, and I'm sorry I can't be more upbeat. The attack sounds a little bit more than what I'll euphamistically call a 'slap'. It is dangerous, and potentially much worse, and I hope you can reconcile this in deciding what to do
Hope you're ok
First things first; your current well being?. Your right to be concerned about celebral haematoma, they can occur 2 or even up to 3 weeks after impact, and come on very quickly. You need to get that checked out, the chances are that you're ok, but you won't know about fractures or any weakening of the skull. What you tell a hospital won't necessarily matter, although they occasionally make mistakes they see these type of injuries, and tend to know how they are caused.
The second of course of action I fear you're going to have to take is clearly much more difficult and is tantamount to one one of those life defining moments I'm afraid?. My gut reaction was probably not to far removed from your own and that of your mothers given that this is clearly a horrible lose/ lose situation. There's some very important factors you need to consider though, and when taken together they do indeed point you more or less in one direction i'm afraid.
In the first case you need to consider that your life is probably in danger. I hope this isn't alarmist or melodramatic, but alcohol and violence is a potent cocktail, and if you're unable to defend yourself I fear this is probably the grim reality/ worse case scenario you need to front up to?. Few true alcoholics are capable of reforming (I use the word advisedly as it is abused to describe any number of dependent conditions). Some recover, and some manage to arrive at a coping situation, even then the spectre is a stalking shadow, and rarely truly leaves a person. The balance of likelihoods however is that he won't seek assistance nor accept his need to, and certainly not in the short term (most alcoholics need to WANT to confront their demons and beat them) he seems a long way from that, and you don't appear to have time on your side in this one.
My experience of this kind of thing is that it involves a series of taboos which even alcoholics don't normally cross, the moment they do however, the chances of a repetition or (God forbid) escalation increase, and again I'm afraid I think it would be prudent to face up to this likelihood. The fact that he's telling his friends is of grave concern and I wouldn't under estimate its significance. Normally someone would seek to surpress this kind of thing, not brag about it as no one I know would ever where it as a badge of honour. It also tells me that his peer group are incapable of challenging him, and so another avenue of support/ corrective action is probably shut down? I suspect he might very well be the dominant 'alpha male' for want of a crasser way of putting it within this group? Similarly, I'm sure your mother is more than aware that she can't protect you, and that this is actually eating her up inwardly? It strikes me that she's probably scared too, and would desperately want to resolve the situation but doesn't know how to and might be to fearful to try? I feel this might be one of the hardest situations for you to resolve of all, as a sense of abandonment is bound the gnaw away at you, if you perceive yourself to have left her with him. Her own self-esteem is probably pretty low at the moment as she can be far from happy about what she'll probably blame herself to some extent for presciding over. It's my guess she'd probably give serious thought to running off with you if she could? I fear that burying ones head in the sand and hoping it'll go away though, isn't an answer.
Once the physical side of the pain is subsides, the mental side takes a grip, and this really can take its toll, as you never know what person will walk through the front door, or what minor action of seemingly the most innocious nature can provoke another attack. Essentially, you end up sentancing yourself to a day to day existance based around surviving, against a backdrop of an ever attendant threat which for the most part is camoflagued. Basically, its a torture which given that it can apparently strike from no where with not even any discernable element of provocation or sense of prediction makes it all the worse, and under normal circumstances will eventually take its toll on your own mental health and quality of life etc. You'll unfortunately find yourself treading on egg shells constantly wondering whether anything you do or say is likely to precipitate another assualt. It can become all consuming, and very quickly you can find its taken your own life over, as you primarily are occupying yourself with such thoughts to the level where its just about the only thing you're considering day in, day out. It's no way to carry on.
Unfortunately, I fear I have to share with you my humble opinion (which taken from a distance might be off the mark) but I'm afraid that something will cause him to snap again, and the Rubicon has been crossed once, and so presents less of barrier to do it a second time now. It might not necessarily be you that is the subject of the next assault, but you need to consider that it might be, (I believe people tend to attack the people they've attacked previuously?) and that it could be worse this time.
I'm making some assumptions here which might impact on which way you go. Am I correct in saying you're based in Ireland? would that be rural Ireland or big City Ireland? I don't know how the Garda approach these things, I believe the UK police have got better though? Am I also correct in thinking you're in your early 20's? single? and not necessarily financially independent? I'm sorry if this sounds a bit personal, but its just trying to establish what options you might have open to you. As I said earlier most of us have to face up to life defining decisions, and severing a family link isn't taken lightly, especially if you still percieve your mother to be a hostage to the situation. I think you need to balance this though against the very serious danger you might be in, and it isn't enough to content yourself with on 99.9% of the occasions its ok etc 0.01% is all it takes.
Essentially the environment isn't save for you to remain in I believe?, and something has to give. I would seriously consider taking Diminuedo up on her offer to allow yourself a time to reflect and consider your best options etc, as well as providing a haven for you to recover from the ordeal. People don't make kind offers for the sake of their own vanity I believe, and I'd have no compunction about asking for help thus if I were in your position, and someone had offered it.
Ultimately, I suspect that you and your mother will have to put your trust in the authorities, but this could leave you open to a revenge attack if they fail to prosecute it effectively, and although it hasn't been said, I'd be surprised if this wasn't at the back of your thinking?, especially as the person knows so much about you, and could probably find you, if resourceful enough? It's a horrible situation and I'm afraid there aren't any easy answers which don't involve a lot of pain I fear, and I'm sorry I can't be more upbeat. The attack sounds a little bit more than what I'll euphamistically call a 'slap'. It is dangerous, and potentially much worse, and I hope you can reconcile this in deciding what to do
Hope you're ok
simmo
Senior Jockey
Just thought that I'd bring to everyone's attention the fact that I am enjoying myself hugely at work today. :lol: :lol: :lol:
One of the main reasons I hate my job is that, as a performance analyst, I rely on accurate information being available to analyse in order to bestow advice upon managers. For the first year of my employment here I complained constantly that the information I was being given was "shit", but was constantly put down with a variety of retorts (actually they weren't that various) and told that it was my work which was at fault.
Today (let's call it day 0), it has become apparent to all and sundry that the information which they have been providing me with for a year and a half is, in fact, "shit".
Managers are currently scurrying this way and that in an effort to deflect blame from themselves.
No one has the faintest idea how they going to fix it.
I am sitting in my corner, staring at the blank white walls as usual, pissing myself laughing. I may do myself an injury. Given that every time one of the naysayers comes anywhere near me I am pointing at them and saying "I fucking told you it was shit, ya c**t", I may be sacked by the end of the day.
I love my job. :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:
One of the main reasons I hate my job is that, as a performance analyst, I rely on accurate information being available to analyse in order to bestow advice upon managers. For the first year of my employment here I complained constantly that the information I was being given was "shit", but was constantly put down with a variety of retorts (actually they weren't that various) and told that it was my work which was at fault.
Today (let's call it day 0), it has become apparent to all and sundry that the information which they have been providing me with for a year and a half is, in fact, "shit".
Managers are currently scurrying this way and that in an effort to deflect blame from themselves.
No one has the faintest idea how they going to fix it.
I am sitting in my corner, staring at the blank white walls as usual, pissing myself laughing. I may do myself an injury. Given that every time one of the naysayers comes anywhere near me I am pointing at them and saying "I fucking told you it was shit, ya c**t", I may be sacked by the end of the day.
I love my job. :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:
Colin Phillips
At the Start
Have an excellent day, Simmo!! 
S
solerina
Guest
Excellant Simmo
On the other subject I went to the hospital and queued in a and e for 4 hrs to see a doctor for 3mins , I have contusions on my scalp and he ackknowledged that I may have headaches for a few weeks yet . Sent me home with a shitload of painkillers .
On the other subject I went to the hospital and queued in a and e for 4 hrs to see a doctor for 3mins , I have contusions on my scalp and he ackknowledged that I may have headaches for a few weeks yet . Sent me home with a shitload of painkillers .
Irish Stamp
Forum Moderator
Really glad you got it checked out Sols, much better to be safe than sorry.
S
solerina
Guest
Cheers doll
Desert Orchid
Senior Jockey
- Joined
- Aug 2, 2005
- Messages
- 25,456
Didn't the docs ask you any awkward questions, Sol?
A friend of mine slipped on the stairs leaving her house bruising herself quite badly. She went to A&E to check overything was ok but she said the doctors and nurses all asked her if her husband had done the damage and was she protecting him. To put it into context, it wasn't the first time she'd gone to A&E after she'd 'slipped on the stairs'.
Well, she told me she had fallen. I don't suppose I'll ever know for certain
A friend of mine slipped on the stairs leaving her house bruising herself quite badly. She went to A&E to check overything was ok but she said the doctors and nurses all asked her if her husband had done the damage and was she protecting him. To put it into context, it wasn't the first time she'd gone to A&E after she'd 'slipped on the stairs'.
Well, she told me she had fallen. I don't suppose I'll ever know for certain
Had a similar experience with a friend of mine. She was basically pissed and fell into a wine glass breaking it with her stomach and leaving what looked like a very convincing stab wound (the glass broke in a perfect apex blade shape). Luckily she's a nurse, and was able to stem the bleeding, but it was equally obvious she was going to need quite a few stitches. I think we both knew what would happen, but the need for treatment was more important, even though she assured she'd be ok. Suffice to say, plod turned up the next day!!! well about an hour after we finally got treated and got back, so the evidence was pretty well as we'd left it. To be honest, I was reasonably encouraged they did. At prima facie the evidence did point to a domestic of some description. Male/ Female drinking bout, female ends up with stab wound etc? Mind you I've heard it suggested that other teachers make the worst parents at parents evenings, I've now learnt that nurses make the worst patients in an A&E department. Jaysus christ :blink:
On the subject of jobs (would you choose your own etc) I'm becoming increasingly interested by a career in what Americans call "negative prediction" I believe?. In the past corporations would pay huge salaries to the best, who were paid to get the market correct and dive the right way each time. Now it appears the meek are set to inherit the Earth afterall, as its dawning on them that the reliably useless of the world are equally worthy of such renumeration and reward provided they can prove they have a track record based on demonstrable failure, and ability to make the wrong strategic decisions on a regular basis!!! I can even see the growth in courses at some point in the future training people on how to be useless. Its a bit like extensively researching a race, picking your horse and then deciding to lay it rather than back it I guess
On the subject of jobs (would you choose your own etc) I'm becoming increasingly interested by a career in what Americans call "negative prediction" I believe?. In the past corporations would pay huge salaries to the best, who were paid to get the market correct and dive the right way each time. Now it appears the meek are set to inherit the Earth afterall, as its dawning on them that the reliably useless of the world are equally worthy of such renumeration and reward provided they can prove they have a track record based on demonstrable failure, and ability to make the wrong strategic decisions on a regular basis!!! I can even see the growth in courses at some point in the future training people on how to be useless. Its a bit like extensively researching a race, picking your horse and then deciding to lay it rather than back it I guess