BrianH
At the Start
:lol: :lol: :lol:
2012 Olympics
- Thread starter Shadow Leader
- Start date
Colin Phillips
At the Start
York racecourse could be an alternative venue.
Colin
Colin
A
Ardross
Guest
:lol: tetley
BrianH
At the Start
I enjoyed Martin Kelner in today's Guardian. Mr Kelner is a Yorkshireman. Here are some extracts:
"Within minutes of the announcement my friend Ed, who as a Leeds United fan speaks bitter-and-twisted as a first language, emailed me to say if the Sydney Olympics were known as the "friendly games" the London event should be the "don't make eye contact " games."
"Another friend suggested that the start of track events in the East End would probably be signalled by the traditional cry of "Get dahn, 'e's got a shootah" (although, of course, in the clay-pigeon shooting they would "only shoot their own") and that for tight finishes, instead of a photo, the gold medal could be awarded to whoever's house had risen most in value during the course of the race."
"Sorry, but that is how London is often viewed by the man on the Chapel Allerton omnibus. Or was, until Thursday, when the wholly admirable stoicism of the capital won the respect of the world - and parts of Leeds."
"On the other hand, as we are frequently told, the best message we can send out to those who would seek to undermine our way of life through terror is to carry on as normal. So, how many cockneys does it take to change a light bulb? Answer: three - one to change it, one to play the piano and one to boast about how it's the best light bulb in the world."
"Within minutes of the announcement my friend Ed, who as a Leeds United fan speaks bitter-and-twisted as a first language, emailed me to say if the Sydney Olympics were known as the "friendly games" the London event should be the "don't make eye contact " games."
"Another friend suggested that the start of track events in the East End would probably be signalled by the traditional cry of "Get dahn, 'e's got a shootah" (although, of course, in the clay-pigeon shooting they would "only shoot their own") and that for tight finishes, instead of a photo, the gold medal could be awarded to whoever's house had risen most in value during the course of the race."
"Sorry, but that is how London is often viewed by the man on the Chapel Allerton omnibus. Or was, until Thursday, when the wholly admirable stoicism of the capital won the respect of the world - and parts of Leeds."
"On the other hand, as we are frequently told, the best message we can send out to those who would seek to undermine our way of life through terror is to carry on as normal. So, how many cockneys does it take to change a light bulb? Answer: three - one to change it, one to play the piano and one to boast about how it's the best light bulb in the world."
Shadow Leader
At the Start
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Very good! :lol:
I received a great email a few years back; I think it was regarding Manchester's bid for the Olympics or their hosting of the Commonwealths (actually, something makes me think it was to do with Glasgow - did they apply to host something?
)but it was very amusing & ran along similar lines to the start of the track events as detailed above. It said something along the lines of all competitors in the track events were required to carry a TV they had just nickedand there were extra field events created that included events invloving ram-raiding or something similar.
I received a great email a few years back; I think it was regarding Manchester's bid for the Olympics or their hosting of the Commonwealths (actually, something makes me think it was to do with Glasgow - did they apply to host something?
)but it was very amusing & ran along similar lines to the start of the track events as detailed above. It said something along the lines of all competitors in the track events were required to carry a TV they had just nickedand there were extra field events created that included events invloving ram-raiding or something similar.
LBM
At the Start
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- Jul 22, 2003
- Messages
- 401
Could somebody let me know the exact number of votes in the different rounds ?
A friend of mine told me that Madrid got a vote less in the third round losing 31 to 33 to Paris , having had 32 votes in the previous round . Apparently a COI member changed his/her vote from Madrid to Paris in order to break the tie .If Madrid would have been able to beat Paris , all members who were voting for the French city would have voted for Madrid ( instead of London ) in the next round and Madrid woulda been the winner .
Is that any of this correct ? To be honest I didn´t even watch the voting process.
Anyway , it seems weird to me that a city loses a vote from a round to another .
A friend of mine told me that Madrid got a vote less in the third round losing 31 to 33 to Paris , having had 32 votes in the previous round . Apparently a COI member changed his/her vote from Madrid to Paris in order to break the tie .If Madrid would have been able to beat Paris , all members who were voting for the French city would have voted for Madrid ( instead of London ) in the next round and Madrid woulda been the winner .
Is that any of this correct ? To be honest I didn´t even watch the voting process.
Anyway , it seems weird to me that a city loses a vote from a round to another .
BrianH
At the Start
Although they were favourites, Paris never led throughout the voting. The first round was tight, with London getting 22 votes, Paris 21, Madrid 20 and New York 19. Madrid took the lead in the second round with 32 votes, followed by London with 27 and Paris 25. It is reported that this was a political move led by the Samaranchs. Juan Samaranch would obviously have liked Madrid to win but if they didn't he is a big friend of Seb Coe going back to the days when Samaranch was Olympic supremo and Coe led the defiance of Mrs Thatcher's request for a ban on the Moscow Olympics in support of her friend Ronald Reagan. London then picked up a big chunk of New York's votes to lead Paris 39-33 in the third round. With Madrid's votes split fairly evenly in the last round, London had enough to win.
BrianH
At the Start
Yes, London 39, Paris 33, Madrid 32
LBM
At the Start
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- 401
Cheers Brian . It seems my friend was wrong .
It´s amazing how decisions so important for a country like this one are decided by so little in favour of one or another .One more vote for Madrid in that round and we woulda got the games at home .Never mind , we´ll try and get them in 2016.
It´s amazing how decisions so important for a country like this one are decided by so little in favour of one or another .One more vote for Madrid in that round and we woulda got the games at home .Never mind , we´ll try and get them in 2016.
Diamond Geezer
Gone But Not Forgotten
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- Messages
- 13,884
They are doing a dummy run for the 2012 Olympics in 2011 when they will be holding the Chav Olympics
OPENING CEREMONY
The Olympic flame will be ignited by a bottle of white lightening thrown into the arena by a native of the Essex area of the Chavland, wearing the traditional costume of burberry baseball cap and day-glo white trainers.
The Events - in order to allow maximum particpation by chavs the games will include:
100 METRES SPRINT
Competitors will have to hold a video recorder and a microwave oven (one under each arm) and on the sound of a starting pistol a police dog will be released 10 metres behind the athletes.
This is a new entry to the games -
110 METRES HURDLES
As above but with added obstacles, ie car bonnets, hedges, gardens, fences, walls etc.
HAMMER
The competitors will be allowed to make a choice of hammer, (Claw, Sledge etc). The winner will be the one who can cause the most grievous bodily harm to members of the public within their allotted time.
WEIGHTLIFTING
From a standing position competitors will have various electronic goods placed in their arms. In order to complete a lift these must then be taken through the shop door and placed in a mate's van.
FENCING
Entrants will be asked to dispose of as much stolen jewellery as possible within five minutes.
SHOOTING
A series of targets will be set up to establish the competitor's ability over a range of disciplines The targets to be as follows: 1 - A Moving Police Van 2 - A Post Office Clerk 3 - A Bank Teller or Securicor Driver 4 - Their next door neighbours youngest child NB - This target to be followed by the ritual cry of 'I thought he was a Bizzy' or 'He pulled a knife on me'.
BOXING
Entry to be restricted to husband and girlfriend teams and will take place on every Friday and Saturday night of the games. The husband will be give 15 pints of Stella and the girlfriend will be told not to make him any tea when he gets home. The bout will then commence.
CYCLING TIME TRIALS
Competitors will be asked to break into the ChavCity University bike shed and take an expensive mountain bike owned by some Mummy's Boy from the country on his first trip away from home - Against the clock.
CYCLING PURSUIT
As above however this time the break in must occur at Chavcity Police Station and must be witnessed by an officer.
TIME TRIAL
The competitor who can waste the most of the court's valuable time before being found guilty will be adjudged the winner.
MODERN PENTATHLON
Amended to include mugging, breaking & entering, flashing, joyriding and arson.
THE MARATHON
A safe route has yet to be decided, but the competitors will be issued with sharp sticks and bags with which to pick up dog sh*t, crisp packets and used hypodermic syringes on their way round.
MEN'S 50Km WALK
Q - Why does the river run through ChavCity?
A - Because if it walked it would get mugged. Therefore for safety reasons this event has been cancelled.
RELAY
Each of four competitors to remove an appliance of their choice from a house in Cheshire and get it back to Liverpool using at least four different stolen cars.
ARCHERY
Each competitor will be given three needles, the winner will be the person who gets nearest to three different main veins in their own body.
DISCUS
Will be decided by which contestant can get a hubcap off a car and throw it to his mate the fastest. In addition the following 'exhibition events' designed at promoting the local culture will be introduced.
PILLOW EATING
The contestant who can get the most pillow in their mouth after their 18 stone cellmate takes a shine to them will be adjudged the winner.
GRAFFITI
To be decided on who can spray the most obscenities on a neighbour's wall in five minutes - NB In order not to disadvantage local competitors marks will not be deducted for misspelling.
BASEBALL
Each competitor to be given a stainless steel baseball bat. Last person standing wins.
CLOSING CEREMONY
In an attempt to capture the timeless beauty of ChavCity, competitors from every nation will be chased across the park by Knife wielding locals.
They will then scatter to the four corners of the City to find their car aerial ripped off, driver side window broken and stereo liberated, with no sign of the lad who charged 50p 'to look after their motor'.
Their assailants will return to the park providing a riot of colour and sound as their shell suits converge. The Olympic flame (if still in place) will be extinguished by eight chavs forming a circle and pissing on it.
The closing speech will consist of the words 'Everyone in ChavCity is a chav you know' . No-one will laugh. Each visitor will be hugged on exiting the stadium and will return home to find their wallet missing.
OPENING CEREMONY
The Olympic flame will be ignited by a bottle of white lightening thrown into the arena by a native of the Essex area of the Chavland, wearing the traditional costume of burberry baseball cap and day-glo white trainers.
The Events - in order to allow maximum particpation by chavs the games will include:
100 METRES SPRINT
Competitors will have to hold a video recorder and a microwave oven (one under each arm) and on the sound of a starting pistol a police dog will be released 10 metres behind the athletes.
This is a new entry to the games -
110 METRES HURDLES
As above but with added obstacles, ie car bonnets, hedges, gardens, fences, walls etc.
HAMMER
The competitors will be allowed to make a choice of hammer, (Claw, Sledge etc). The winner will be the one who can cause the most grievous bodily harm to members of the public within their allotted time.
WEIGHTLIFTING
From a standing position competitors will have various electronic goods placed in their arms. In order to complete a lift these must then be taken through the shop door and placed in a mate's van.
FENCING
Entrants will be asked to dispose of as much stolen jewellery as possible within five minutes.
SHOOTING
A series of targets will be set up to establish the competitor's ability over a range of disciplines The targets to be as follows: 1 - A Moving Police Van 2 - A Post Office Clerk 3 - A Bank Teller or Securicor Driver 4 - Their next door neighbours youngest child NB - This target to be followed by the ritual cry of 'I thought he was a Bizzy' or 'He pulled a knife on me'.
BOXING
Entry to be restricted to husband and girlfriend teams and will take place on every Friday and Saturday night of the games. The husband will be give 15 pints of Stella and the girlfriend will be told not to make him any tea when he gets home. The bout will then commence.
CYCLING TIME TRIALS
Competitors will be asked to break into the ChavCity University bike shed and take an expensive mountain bike owned by some Mummy's Boy from the country on his first trip away from home - Against the clock.
CYCLING PURSUIT
As above however this time the break in must occur at Chavcity Police Station and must be witnessed by an officer.
TIME TRIAL
The competitor who can waste the most of the court's valuable time before being found guilty will be adjudged the winner.
MODERN PENTATHLON
Amended to include mugging, breaking & entering, flashing, joyriding and arson.
THE MARATHON
A safe route has yet to be decided, but the competitors will be issued with sharp sticks and bags with which to pick up dog sh*t, crisp packets and used hypodermic syringes on their way round.
MEN'S 50Km WALK
Q - Why does the river run through ChavCity?
A - Because if it walked it would get mugged. Therefore for safety reasons this event has been cancelled.
RELAY
Each of four competitors to remove an appliance of their choice from a house in Cheshire and get it back to Liverpool using at least four different stolen cars.
ARCHERY
Each competitor will be given three needles, the winner will be the person who gets nearest to three different main veins in their own body.
DISCUS
Will be decided by which contestant can get a hubcap off a car and throw it to his mate the fastest. In addition the following 'exhibition events' designed at promoting the local culture will be introduced.
PILLOW EATING
The contestant who can get the most pillow in their mouth after their 18 stone cellmate takes a shine to them will be adjudged the winner.
GRAFFITI
To be decided on who can spray the most obscenities on a neighbour's wall in five minutes - NB In order not to disadvantage local competitors marks will not be deducted for misspelling.
BASEBALL
Each competitor to be given a stainless steel baseball bat. Last person standing wins.
CLOSING CEREMONY
In an attempt to capture the timeless beauty of ChavCity, competitors from every nation will be chased across the park by Knife wielding locals.
They will then scatter to the four corners of the City to find their car aerial ripped off, driver side window broken and stereo liberated, with no sign of the lad who charged 50p 'to look after their motor'.
Their assailants will return to the park providing a riot of colour and sound as their shell suits converge. The Olympic flame (if still in place) will be extinguished by eight chavs forming a circle and pissing on it.
The closing speech will consist of the words 'Everyone in ChavCity is a chav you know' . No-one will laugh. Each visitor will be hugged on exiting the stadium and will return home to find their wallet missing.
Shadow Leader
At the Start
- Joined
- Nov 9, 2003
- Messages
- 9,884
Class, DG :lol: :lol: :lol: