Shadow Leader
At the Start
- Joined
- Nov 9, 2003
- Messages
- 9,884
I like it too Simmo! :clap:
Jokes
- Thread starter Merlin the Magician
- Start date
simmo
Senior Jockey
That is probably just as well. norty
trudij
Senior Jockey
19 reasons riding is better than a relationship
19. You can walk about in public wearing leather boots,spurs and carrying a whip and not get arrested.
18. You don't have to sneak your riding magazines into the house.
17. If you are having trouble with riding, it's perfectly
acceptable to pay a professional to show you how to improve your
technique.
16. The Ten Commandments don't say anything about riding.
15. If your trainer takes pictures or videotapes of you riding, you
don't have to worry about them showing up on the Internet when you
become famous.
14. Your horse won't keep asking questions about other horses you've
ridden.
13. It's perfectly respectable to ride a horse you've never met
before, just once, or, ride many horses in the same day, whether you
know them or not.
12. When you see a really good horse, you don't have to feel guilty
about imagining riding him.
11. If your regular horse isn't available, he/she won't object if
you ride another horse.
10. Nobody will ever tell you that you can go blind if you ride by
yourself.
9. When dealing with a riding trainer, you never have to wonder if
they are really an undercover cop.
8. You don't have to go to a sleazy shop in a seedy neighborhood to
buy riding stuff.
7. You can have a riding calendar on your wall at the office, tell
riding jokes and invite co-workers to ride with you without getting
sued for harassment.
6. There's no such thing as a Riding Transmitted Disease.
5. If you want to watch horses on television, you don't have to
subscribe to a premium cable channel (but you might need a video
tape).
4. Nobody expects you to promise to ride the same horse for the
rest of your life.
3. Nobody expects you to give up riding if your equine partner
loses interest in the sport.
2. You don't have to be a newlywed to plan a vacation primarily for
the enjoyment of riding.
1. Your horse will never say, "What? You just rode me last week!
Is that all you ever think about?"
19. You can walk about in public wearing leather boots,spurs and carrying a whip and not get arrested.
18. You don't have to sneak your riding magazines into the house.
17. If you are having trouble with riding, it's perfectly
acceptable to pay a professional to show you how to improve your
technique.
16. The Ten Commandments don't say anything about riding.
15. If your trainer takes pictures or videotapes of you riding, you
don't have to worry about them showing up on the Internet when you
become famous.
14. Your horse won't keep asking questions about other horses you've
ridden.
13. It's perfectly respectable to ride a horse you've never met
before, just once, or, ride many horses in the same day, whether you
know them or not.
12. When you see a really good horse, you don't have to feel guilty
about imagining riding him.
11. If your regular horse isn't available, he/she won't object if
you ride another horse.
10. Nobody will ever tell you that you can go blind if you ride by
yourself.
9. When dealing with a riding trainer, you never have to wonder if
they are really an undercover cop.
8. You don't have to go to a sleazy shop in a seedy neighborhood to
buy riding stuff.
7. You can have a riding calendar on your wall at the office, tell
riding jokes and invite co-workers to ride with you without getting
sued for harassment.
6. There's no such thing as a Riding Transmitted Disease.
5. If you want to watch horses on television, you don't have to
subscribe to a premium cable channel (but you might need a video
tape).
4. Nobody expects you to promise to ride the same horse for the
rest of your life.
3. Nobody expects you to give up riding if your equine partner
loses interest in the sport.
2. You don't have to be a newlywed to plan a vacation primarily for
the enjoyment of riding.
1. Your horse will never say, "What? You just rode me last week!
Is that all you ever think about?"
Merlin the Magician
At the Start
SOMETHING TO OFFEND EVERYONE[/I]
What is a Yankee?
The same as a quickie, but a guy can do it alone.
Why is divorce so expensive?
Because it's worth it.
What do you get when you put 50 lesbians and 50 politicians in a room together?
100 people who don't do dick.
What do you call a smart blonde?
A golden retriever.
What do lawyers use for birth control?
Their personalities.
What's the difference between a girlfriend and wife?
20 kgs.
What's the difference between a boyfriend and husband?
45 minutes.
What's the fastest way to a man's heart?
Through his chest with a sharp knife.
Why do men want to marry virgins?
They can't stand criticism.
Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good-looking?
Because those men already have boyfriends.
What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.
What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.
Why does Mike Tyson cry during sex?
Pepper spray will do that to you .
Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
Breasts don't have eyes.
What would you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the other?
A speech impediment.
What's the difference between a northern USA fairytale and a southern USA fairytale?
A Northern fairytale begins "Once upon a time..."
A southern fairytale begins "Y'all ain't gonna believe this ######..."
Why is there no Disneyland in China?
No one's tall enough to go on the good rides.
What is a Yankee?
The same as a quickie, but a guy can do it alone.
Why is divorce so expensive?
Because it's worth it.
What do you get when you put 50 lesbians and 50 politicians in a room together?
100 people who don't do dick.
What do you call a smart blonde?
A golden retriever.
What do lawyers use for birth control?
Their personalities.
What's the difference between a girlfriend and wife?
20 kgs.
What's the difference between a boyfriend and husband?
45 minutes.
What's the fastest way to a man's heart?
Through his chest with a sharp knife.
Why do men want to marry virgins?
They can't stand criticism.
Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good-looking?
Because those men already have boyfriends.
What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.
What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.
Why does Mike Tyson cry during sex?
Pepper spray will do that to you .
Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
Breasts don't have eyes.
What would you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the other?
A speech impediment.
What's the difference between a northern USA fairytale and a southern USA fairytale?
A Northern fairytale begins "Once upon a time..."
A southern fairytale begins "Y'all ain't gonna believe this ######..."
Why is there no Disneyland in China?
No one's tall enough to go on the good rides.
Shadow Leader
At the Start
- Joined
- Nov 9, 2003
- Messages
- 9,884
The joke emails tend to get the red button treatment but I found this one amusing.....
Jim and Edna were both patients in a mental hospital. One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool, Jim suddenly jumped into the deep end. He sank to the bottom of the pool and stayed there.
Edna promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled Jim out.
When the Head Nurse Director became aware of Edna's heroic act, she immediately ordered her to be discharged from the hospital, as she now considered her to be mentally stable.
When she went to tell Edna the news she said, "Edna, I have good news and bad news. The good news is you're being discharged; since you were able to rationally respond to a crisis by jumping in and saving the life of another patient, I have concluded that your act displays sound mindedness. The bad news is, Jim, the patient you saved, hung himself in the bathroom with his bathrobe belt right after you saved him. I am so sorry, but he's dead."
Edna replied, "He didn't hang himself, I put him there to dry. How soon can I go home?"
Jim and Edna were both patients in a mental hospital. One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool, Jim suddenly jumped into the deep end. He sank to the bottom of the pool and stayed there.
Edna promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled Jim out.
When the Head Nurse Director became aware of Edna's heroic act, she immediately ordered her to be discharged from the hospital, as she now considered her to be mentally stable.
When she went to tell Edna the news she said, "Edna, I have good news and bad news. The good news is you're being discharged; since you were able to rationally respond to a crisis by jumping in and saving the life of another patient, I have concluded that your act displays sound mindedness. The bad news is, Jim, the patient you saved, hung himself in the bathroom with his bathrobe belt right after you saved him. I am so sorry, but he's dead."
Edna replied, "He didn't hang himself, I put him there to dry. How soon can I go home?"
cricketfan
At the Start
I was fishing at a local pond and saw a aged dog fall in the very deep water there. All of a sudden a German bloke dived in with all his clothes on and saved the hound. The lady owner asked him if he was a vet. "Vet?", he said, "I'm fvcking soaking !!!"
It might have been posted allready but.....
HOW MEN THINK
I received a phone call from a gorgeous ex-girlfriend the other day. We lost track of time, chatting about the wild, romantic nights we used to enjoy together. I couldn't believe it when she asked if I'd be interested in meeting up and rekindling a little of that "magic".
"Wow!" I said. "I don't know if I could keep pace with you now. I'm a bit older and a bit balder than when you last saw me."
She just giggled and said she was sure I'd "rise" to the challenge.
"Yeah." I said. "Just so long as you don't mind a man with a waistline that's a few inches wider these days!"
She laughed and told me to stop being so silly. She teased me saying that tubby bald men were cute, and she was sure I would still be a great lover.
Anyway, she giggled and said, "I've put on a few pounds myself!"
So I told her to f*ck off.
HOW MEN THINK
I received a phone call from a gorgeous ex-girlfriend the other day. We lost track of time, chatting about the wild, romantic nights we used to enjoy together. I couldn't believe it when she asked if I'd be interested in meeting up and rekindling a little of that "magic".
"Wow!" I said. "I don't know if I could keep pace with you now. I'm a bit older and a bit balder than when you last saw me."
She just giggled and said she was sure I'd "rise" to the challenge.
"Yeah." I said. "Just so long as you don't mind a man with a waistline that's a few inches wider these days!"
She laughed and told me to stop being so silly. She teased me saying that tubby bald men were cute, and she was sure I would still be a great lover.
Anyway, she giggled and said, "I've put on a few pounds myself!"
So I told her to f*ck off.
Merlin the Magician
At the Start
A minister concluded that his church was getting into serious financial
troubles.
Coincidentally, by chance, while checking the church storeroom, he
discovered several cartons of new bibles that had never been opened and
distributed.
So at his Sunday sermon, he asked for three volunteers from the
congregation who would be willing to sell the bibles door-to-door for $10
each to raise the desperately needed money for the church.
Peter, Paul and Louie all raised their hands to volunteer for the task.
The reverend knew that Peter and Paul earned their living as salesmen and
were likely capable of selling some bibles but he had serious doubts about
Louie.
Louie was just a little local farmer, who had always tended to keep to
himself because he was embarrassed by his speech impediment.
Poor little Louie stuttered very badly. But, not wanting to discourage poor
Louie, the reverend decided to let him try anyway.
He sent the three of them away with the back seat of their cars stacked
with bibles and asked them to meet with him and report the results of their
door-to-door selling efforts the following Sunday which they did.
Anxious to find out how successful they were, the reverend immediately
asked Peter, "Well, Peter, how did you make out selling our bibles last
week?"
Proudly handing the reverend an envelope, Peter replied, "Father, using my
sales prowess, I was able to sell 20 bibles, and here's the 200 dollars I
collected on behalf of the church."
"Fine job, Peter!" The reverend said, vigorously shaking his hand. "You are
indeed a fine salesman and the Church is indebted to you."
Turning to Paul, he asked "And Paul, how many bibles did you manage to sell
for the church last week?"
Paul, smiling and sticking out his chest, confidently replied, "Reverend, I
am a professional salesman and was happy to give the church the benefit of
my sales expertise.
Last week I sold 28 bibles on behalf of the church, and here's 280 dollars
I collected."
The reverend responded, "That's absolutely splendid, Paul. You are truly a
professional salesman and the church is also indebted to you."
Apprehensively, the reverend turned to little Louie and said, "And Louie,
did you manage to sell any bibles last week?"
Louie silently offered the reverend a large envelope. The reverend opened
it and counted the contents. "What is this?" the reverend exclaimed.
"Louie, there's 3200 dollars in here!
Are you suggesting that you sold 320 bibles for the church, door to door,
in just one week?
Louie just nodded.
That's impossible!" both Peter and Paul said in unison. "We are
professional salesmen, yet you claim to have sold 10 times as many bibles
as we could."
"Yes, this does seem unlikely," the reverend agreed. "I think you'd better
explain how you managed to do accomplish this, Louie."
Louie shrugged. "I-I-I- re-re-really do-do-don't kn-kn-know f-f-f-for
sh-sh-sh-sure," he stammered.
Impatiently, Peter interrupted. "For crying out loud, Louie, just tell us
what you said to them when they answered the door!"
"A-a-a-all I-I-I s-s-said wa-wa-was," Louis replied, "W-w-w-w-would
y-y-y-you l-l-l-l-l-like t-t-to b-b-b-buy th-th-th-this b-b-b-b-bible
f-f-for t-t-ten b-b-b-bucks ---o-o-o-or--- wo-wo-would yo-you j-j-j-just
l-like m-m-me t-t-to st-st-stand h-h-here and r-r-r-r-r-read it t-to
y-y-you?!!!"
troubles.
Coincidentally, by chance, while checking the church storeroom, he
discovered several cartons of new bibles that had never been opened and
distributed.
So at his Sunday sermon, he asked for three volunteers from the
congregation who would be willing to sell the bibles door-to-door for $10
each to raise the desperately needed money for the church.
Peter, Paul and Louie all raised their hands to volunteer for the task.
The reverend knew that Peter and Paul earned their living as salesmen and
were likely capable of selling some bibles but he had serious doubts about
Louie.
Louie was just a little local farmer, who had always tended to keep to
himself because he was embarrassed by his speech impediment.
Poor little Louie stuttered very badly. But, not wanting to discourage poor
Louie, the reverend decided to let him try anyway.
He sent the three of them away with the back seat of their cars stacked
with bibles and asked them to meet with him and report the results of their
door-to-door selling efforts the following Sunday which they did.
Anxious to find out how successful they were, the reverend immediately
asked Peter, "Well, Peter, how did you make out selling our bibles last
week?"
Proudly handing the reverend an envelope, Peter replied, "Father, using my
sales prowess, I was able to sell 20 bibles, and here's the 200 dollars I
collected on behalf of the church."
"Fine job, Peter!" The reverend said, vigorously shaking his hand. "You are
indeed a fine salesman and the Church is indebted to you."
Turning to Paul, he asked "And Paul, how many bibles did you manage to sell
for the church last week?"
Paul, smiling and sticking out his chest, confidently replied, "Reverend, I
am a professional salesman and was happy to give the church the benefit of
my sales expertise.
Last week I sold 28 bibles on behalf of the church, and here's 280 dollars
I collected."
The reverend responded, "That's absolutely splendid, Paul. You are truly a
professional salesman and the church is also indebted to you."
Apprehensively, the reverend turned to little Louie and said, "And Louie,
did you manage to sell any bibles last week?"
Louie silently offered the reverend a large envelope. The reverend opened
it and counted the contents. "What is this?" the reverend exclaimed.
"Louie, there's 3200 dollars in here!
Are you suggesting that you sold 320 bibles for the church, door to door,
in just one week?
Louie just nodded.
That's impossible!" both Peter and Paul said in unison. "We are
professional salesmen, yet you claim to have sold 10 times as many bibles
as we could."
"Yes, this does seem unlikely," the reverend agreed. "I think you'd better
explain how you managed to do accomplish this, Louie."
Louie shrugged. "I-I-I- re-re-really do-do-don't kn-kn-know f-f-f-for
sh-sh-sh-sure," he stammered.
Impatiently, Peter interrupted. "For crying out loud, Louie, just tell us
what you said to them when they answered the door!"
"A-a-a-all I-I-I s-s-said wa-wa-was," Louis replied, "W-w-w-w-would
y-y-y-you l-l-l-l-l-like t-t-to b-b-b-buy th-th-th-this b-b-b-b-bible
f-f-for t-t-ten b-b-b-bucks ---o-o-o-or--- wo-wo-would yo-you j-j-j-just
l-like m-m-me t-t-to st-st-stand h-h-here and r-r-r-r-r-read it t-to
y-y-you?!!!"
cricketfan
At the Start
A man and a woman were sitting beside each other in the first class section of a plane. The woman sneezed, took out a tissue, gently wiped her nose and then shuddered quite violently for 10 or 15 seconds.
The man went back to his reading. A few minutes later, the woman sneezed again, took a tissue, gently wiped her nose and shuddered quite violently as before.
The man was becoming more and more curious about the shuddering. A few more minutes passed and the woman sneezed one more time. Again she took a tissue, gently wiped her nose and shuddered violently.
The man couldn't restrain his curiosity. He turned to the woman and said, "You've sneezed three times, wiped your nose with a tissue, then shuddered violently! Are you all right?"
"I'm sorry if I disturbed you," the woman replied, "I have a rare condition; when I sneeze, I have an orgasm"
The man was a little embarrassed but even more curious and said, "I've never heard of that before. What are you taking for it?"
The woman looked at him and said, "Pepper."
The man went back to his reading. A few minutes later, the woman sneezed again, took a tissue, gently wiped her nose and shuddered quite violently as before.
The man was becoming more and more curious about the shuddering. A few more minutes passed and the woman sneezed one more time. Again she took a tissue, gently wiped her nose and shuddered violently.
The man couldn't restrain his curiosity. He turned to the woman and said, "You've sneezed three times, wiped your nose with a tissue, then shuddered violently! Are you all right?"
"I'm sorry if I disturbed you," the woman replied, "I have a rare condition; when I sneeze, I have an orgasm"
The man was a little embarrassed but even more curious and said, "I've never heard of that before. What are you taking for it?"
The woman looked at him and said, "Pepper."
Exercise Routine
If you're over 40, you might want to take it easy at first, then do it faster as you become more proficient. It may be too strenuous for some.
Always consult your doctor before starting any exercise program!
SCROLL DOWN............
NOW SCROLL UP..
That's enough for the first day.
Great job.
Have a glass of wine.
If you're over 40, you might want to take it easy at first, then do it faster as you become more proficient. It may be too strenuous for some.
Always consult your doctor before starting any exercise program!
SCROLL DOWN............
NOW SCROLL UP..
That's enough for the first day.
Great job.
Have a glass of wine.
Merlin the Magician
At the Start
Scouser nicking a joint of beef from Asda on Friday. Security guard shouts 'What are you doing with that?. Scouser replies 'spuds, peas and gravy you nosey get!!'................. 
Merlin the Magician
At the Start
One day Mrs. Jones went to have a talk with the minister at the local
church. "Reverend," she said, "I have a problem, my husband keeps falling
asleep during your sermons. It's very embarrassing. What should I do?"
"I have an idea," said the minister. "Take this hatpin with you. I will be
able to tell when Mr. Jones is sleeping, and I will motion to you at
specific times. When I motion, you give him a good poke in the leg."
In church the following Sunday, Mr. Jones dozed off. Noticing this, the
preacher put his plan to work. "And who made the ultimate sacrifice for
you?" he said, nodding to Mrs. Jones.
"Jesus!", Jones cried as his wife jabbed him the leg with the hatpin.
"Yes, you are right, Mr. Jones," said the minister. Soon, Mr. Jones nodded
off again. Again, the minister noticed. "Who is your redeemer?" he asked the
congregation, motioning towards Mrs. Jones.
"God!" Mr. Jones cried out as he was stuck again with the hatpin.
"Right again," said the minister, smiling. Before long, Mr. Jones again
winked off. However, this time the minister did not notice. As he picked up
the tempo of his sermon, he made a few motions that Mrs. Jones mistook as
signals to bayonet her husband with the hatpin again.
The minister asked, "And what did Eve say to Adam after she bore him his
99th son?"
Mrs. Jones poked her husband, who yelled, "You stick that goddamned thing in
me one more time and I'll break it in half and shove it up your arse!"
"Amen," replied the congregation.
church. "Reverend," she said, "I have a problem, my husband keeps falling
asleep during your sermons. It's very embarrassing. What should I do?"
"I have an idea," said the minister. "Take this hatpin with you. I will be
able to tell when Mr. Jones is sleeping, and I will motion to you at
specific times. When I motion, you give him a good poke in the leg."
In church the following Sunday, Mr. Jones dozed off. Noticing this, the
preacher put his plan to work. "And who made the ultimate sacrifice for
you?" he said, nodding to Mrs. Jones.
"Jesus!", Jones cried as his wife jabbed him the leg with the hatpin.
"Yes, you are right, Mr. Jones," said the minister. Soon, Mr. Jones nodded
off again. Again, the minister noticed. "Who is your redeemer?" he asked the
congregation, motioning towards Mrs. Jones.
"God!" Mr. Jones cried out as he was stuck again with the hatpin.
"Right again," said the minister, smiling. Before long, Mr. Jones again
winked off. However, this time the minister did not notice. As he picked up
the tempo of his sermon, he made a few motions that Mrs. Jones mistook as
signals to bayonet her husband with the hatpin again.
The minister asked, "And what did Eve say to Adam after she bore him his
99th son?"
Mrs. Jones poked her husband, who yelled, "You stick that goddamned thing in
me one more time and I'll break it in half and shove it up your arse!"
"Amen," replied the congregation.
cricketfan
At the Start
A wee Scottish poetry joke.
Tony Blair is visiting an Edinburgh hospital. He enters a ward full of patients with no obvious sign of injury or illness and greets one.
The patient replies:
"Fair fa your honest sonsie face, Great chieftain o the puddin race,
Aboon them a ye take yer place, Painch, tripe or thairm,
As langs my airm."
Blair is confused, so he just grins and moves on to the next patient. The patient responds:
"Some hae meat an canna eat, And some wad eat that want it,
But we hae meat an we can eat, So let the Lord be thankit."
Even more confused, and his grin now rictus-like, the PM moves on to the next patient, who immediately begins to chant:
"Wee sleekit, cowerin, timorous beasty, O the panic in thy breasty,
Thou needna start awa sae hastie, Wi bickering brattle"
Now seriously troubled, Blair turns to the accompanying doctor and asks, 'Is this a psychiatric ward?'
'No,' replies the doctor, 'this is the serious Burns unit.'
Tony Blair is visiting an Edinburgh hospital. He enters a ward full of patients with no obvious sign of injury or illness and greets one.
The patient replies:
"Fair fa your honest sonsie face, Great chieftain o the puddin race,
Aboon them a ye take yer place, Painch, tripe or thairm,
As langs my airm."
Blair is confused, so he just grins and moves on to the next patient. The patient responds:
"Some hae meat an canna eat, And some wad eat that want it,
But we hae meat an we can eat, So let the Lord be thankit."
Even more confused, and his grin now rictus-like, the PM moves on to the next patient, who immediately begins to chant:
"Wee sleekit, cowerin, timorous beasty, O the panic in thy breasty,
Thou needna start awa sae hastie, Wi bickering brattle"
Now seriously troubled, Blair turns to the accompanying doctor and asks, 'Is this a psychiatric ward?'
'No,' replies the doctor, 'this is the serious Burns unit.'
BrianH
At the Start
It's silly time.
A good looking man walked into an agent's office in Hollywood and said "I
want to be a movie star." Tall, handsome and with experience on Broadway, he
had the right credentials.
The agent asked, "What's your name?"
The guy said, "My name is Penis van Lesbian."
The agent said, "Sir, I hate to tell you, but in order to get into
Hollywood, you are going to have to change your name."
"I will NOT change my name! The van Lesbian name is centuries old, I will
not disrespect my grandfather by changing my name. Not ever."
The agent said, "Sir, I have worked in Hollywood for years... you will NEVER
go far in Hollywood with a name like Penis van Lesbian! I'm telling you, you
will HAVE TO change your name or I will not be able to represent you."
"So be it! I guess we will not do business together" the guy said and he
left the agent's office.
FIVE YEARS LATER..... The agent opens an envelope sent to his office.
Inside the envelope is a letter and a cheque for $50,000. The agent is
awe-struck, who would possibly send him $50,000? He reads the letter
enclosed...
"Dear Sir,
Five years ago, I came into your office wanting to become an actor in
Hollywood, you told me I needed to change my name. Determined to make it
with my God-given birth name, I refused. You told me I would never make it
in Hollywood with a name like Penis van Lesbian. After I left your office,
I thought about what you said. I decided you were right. I had to change my
name. I had too much pride to return to your office, so I signed with another
agent. I would never have made it without changing my name, so the enclosed
cheque is a token of my appreciation.
Thank you for your advice..
Sincerely,
Dick van Dyke
A good looking man walked into an agent's office in Hollywood and said "I
want to be a movie star." Tall, handsome and with experience on Broadway, he
had the right credentials.
The agent asked, "What's your name?"
The guy said, "My name is Penis van Lesbian."
The agent said, "Sir, I hate to tell you, but in order to get into
Hollywood, you are going to have to change your name."
"I will NOT change my name! The van Lesbian name is centuries old, I will
not disrespect my grandfather by changing my name. Not ever."
The agent said, "Sir, I have worked in Hollywood for years... you will NEVER
go far in Hollywood with a name like Penis van Lesbian! I'm telling you, you
will HAVE TO change your name or I will not be able to represent you."
"So be it! I guess we will not do business together" the guy said and he
left the agent's office.
FIVE YEARS LATER..... The agent opens an envelope sent to his office.
Inside the envelope is a letter and a cheque for $50,000. The agent is
awe-struck, who would possibly send him $50,000? He reads the letter
enclosed...
"Dear Sir,
Five years ago, I came into your office wanting to become an actor in
Hollywood, you told me I needed to change my name. Determined to make it
with my God-given birth name, I refused. You told me I would never make it
in Hollywood with a name like Penis van Lesbian. After I left your office,
I thought about what you said. I decided you were right. I had to change my
name. I had too much pride to return to your office, so I signed with another
agent. I would never have made it without changing my name, so the enclosed
cheque is a token of my appreciation.
Thank you for your advice..
Sincerely,
Dick van Dyke
trudij
Senior Jockey
I know this will probably get me in a lot of trouble on here - but it made me smile....
Merlin the Magician
At the Start
Growing Old Prayer
To be said at bedtime! ............
Now I lay me down to sleep
I pray the Lord
My shape to keep.
Please no wrinkles
Please no bags
And please lift my arse
Before it sags.
Please no age spots
Please no grey
And as for my belly,
Please take it away.
Please keep me healthy
Please keep me young,
And thank you Dear Lord
For all that you've done.
To be said at bedtime! ............
Now I lay me down to sleep
I pray the Lord
My shape to keep.
Please no wrinkles
Please no bags
And please lift my arse
Before it sags.
Please no age spots
Please no grey
And as for my belly,
Please take it away.
Please keep me healthy
Please keep me young,
And thank you Dear Lord
For all that you've done.
cricketfan
At the Start
From Columnist Freud in today's RP.
Colin Phillips
At the Start
:laughing: :laughing: