(I put this one up on FF a few months ago, so FFers, don't bother to read any further!)
Old Hank and Martha are sittin' in their rocking chairs, out on their front porch in Alabammy, just a-sippin' their Mint Juleps and thinking about old times.
After a while watching the sun setting, Hank turns to Martha and asks, "Martha, honey, you remember them good ole days when we wuz young 'uns?"
Martha nods her head in time to her rocking chair. "Sho' do, Hank, honey. Sho' do.'
Hank sips on his Julep, and then sighs, "Heck, they wuz some good times, Martha. You remember those parties in the old barn? They wuz great, wurn't they?"
Martha nods her head again and agrees with Hank: "They sho' wuz, honey. They sho' wuz."
They both continue a-sippin' and a-rockin' for a while more, while the crickets start chirpin' and the bull toads a-gruntin'.
"Martha," asks Hank, after a while more, "do you remember the waltz, and the foxtrot, an' all that?"
Martha sighs and leans back, rocking away, watching the early stars come out. "Yes, Hank, honey. I remember - it was a long time ago, mind, a long time ago."
Hank refills his Julep from the jug and looks at Martha. "Say, darlin', you ever remember the minuet?"
"Oh, Jeez, Hank!" says Martha, frowning. "It's so long ago! I can't even remember all the men I ferked!"
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The Mayor of the city has just opened the new, state-of-the-art psychiatric wing of the city's smart hospital, and along with his entourage is taken on a tour of the facilities. While admiring the pastel-coloured lounges, the widescreen tv's and the fresh flowers everywhere, he asks the Director, "Tell me, Director, what methods do you use in determining whether someone is mentally unstable?"
The Director smiles, "Oh, we initially use a simple method called the bath-tub test, Mayor. We fill up a bath-tub with water, and then ask the patient whether they'd like a teaspoon, a cup, or a bucket to empty it out."
"Aha! Brilliant! Well, of course, they're mad if they don't ask for the bucket, right? I guess I'm pretty sane, huh, doc?" cries the Mayor, winking and grinning at his entourage, who laugh dutifully.
"Uhhh... no, actually," replies the Director. "The sane ones just pull the plug out."