:lol:
Sent to me via email, a joke told by Dustin Hoffman on the Graham Norton show (which some of you will have received from me):
A flea goes into a travel agency and asks the agent to find him somewhere smart, warm, and relaxing for a week's holiday, and suited to a flea. The agent riffles through some brochures and says, "Got just the perfect place for you! A week in Ringo Starr's hair! You'll have star treatment everywhere you go!" The flea and the agent laugh heartily at this dreadful pun.
So, the flea flies off and duly takes up his place in Ringo Starr's hair. After four days, he's back at the agency. "That was awful!" he storms. "The guy never stopped playing the bloody drums for his friends, and tossing his head around like a madman. Christ, you should have the migraine I've got!"
The agent apologises, riffles through some papers and says, "Wow! Short notice cancellation here - a week in Omar Sharif's moustache! Now he's one real classy guy - Monaco, Nice, Cap d'Antibes, Monte Carlo... "
"Done!" cries the flea, hopping onto another plane and jetting off to Omar's 'tache. Four days pass...
... and he's back again at the travel agency. "Oh, no, come on!" says the agent, looking aghast. "What's wrong this time?"
"I'll tell you wha- koff! - what's - gasp! - wrong!" wheezes the flea. "Yeah, sure we were at all the top night clubs. But he - koff-koff! - plays poker at these tables all night and smokes these damn great - gasp! - cheroots! Jeez, I was fumigated every night!"
The agent rolls his eyes at the spluttering flea. "Heck, I don't know how to help you, sir. Let me make a call." A moment later he's back, looking smug. "Now, I have just got you the most fantastic holiday of all time! You are going to be so impressed with this! I've got you... hold on tight now... I've got you a week in Bridget Bardot's muff! Howzat?"
The flea's eyes boggle. "Omigod! A week in La Bardot's lady garden? I don't believe it!" He grabs the boarding card and hops swiftly off to the airport. Only two days pass...
... and he's back again! Now the agent can't believe his eyes. "Just two days in BB's muff, and you're back? Do you know how many fleas would have given their right legs for that?"
The flea says, "Look, there was nothing wrong with BB or her muff. Boy, I couldn't have asked for anything more perfect: her scent, the champagne, the poolside, the lobster, the service... it all went fantastically until the second night, and then... and then I was back in friggin' Omar Sharif's moustache!"