Jokes

A little girl is skipping through the park on a rainy day when she sees 3 little dogs playing, she goes over to the first dog pats it's head and says 'hello little dog, you're having fun aren't you, what's your name?'. The dog replies, 'Hello my name is Hughie, and yes I'm having a lovely day playing with my friends jumping in and out of puddles'. The little girl then goes to the second dog and asks the same question to which the 2nd dog replies 'Hello little girl my name is Dewie, and I too am having great fun with my friends jumping in and out of puddles'. As the little girl pats the 3rd dog she says 'You are a lovely dog too, but don't tell me, if that's Hughie and that's Dewie, then you must be Louie', the 3rd little dog replies 'No my name is Puddles, and I'm having one hell of a ******* day!'.
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There was a good one on Facebook of a dog watching a guy tee off on TV and after he hit the ball he raced across the room and looked out of the back window to see where it had gone.
 
I’d forgotten this thread. Started by Merlin who was fond of cracking a joke and I seem to remember it caused a fair amount of controversy at times.....sexist, racist....but there is a lot of very funny stuff on here. And from many much missed members including Merlin.
 
.. and I've found said joke

I thought I would surprise my midget girlfriend when she phoned and said she was on her way home from work.
So I brought her some flowers, chocolates and ran her a hot sink
 
This one is from gamble - Feb. 2012

"One ghost said to another
Have you seen Ecto about ?
The other said..
– did you say Hector ?
No, the other replied – Ecto.
He’s similar to Hector
but has a lot more grey"
 
Paddy has broken his leg and his buddy Mick comes over to see him. Mick walks in and asks, "How you doin?"

"Okay, but do me a favor mate, run upstairs and get me slippers, me feet are freezing."

Mick goes upstairs and sees Paddy's gorgeous 19-year-old twin daughters lying on the bed.

Seeing an opportunity, he says, "Your dad's sent me up here to have sex with both of you."

They say, "Get away with ya Mick.... prove it."

Mick shouts downstairs, "Paddy, both of em?"

Paddy shouts back, "Of course both of em Mick..., what's the point of fucking one?
Click to expand...
Show trimmed content
 
Oldtimer said:
.. and I've found said joke

I thought I would surprise my midget girlfriend when she phoned and said she was on her way home from work.
So I brought her some flowers, chocolates and ran her a hot sink
Click to expand...
GUY ROBS A BANK AND ASKS THE 1ST CUSTOMER IN THE QUEUE "DID U SEE MY FACE" GUY ANSWERS YES SO HE SHOT HIM IN THE HEAD, ROBBER THEN ASKS THE 2ND GUY IN THE QUEUE "DID U SEE MY FACE" THE GUY SAYS NO..............BUT MY WIFE DID
 
Copper pulls over 2 scousers in a car asks to see the drivers licence, its clean.
Asks to see tax and insurance.....clean.
Checks them, the glove box, under the seats, the boot, all clean no drugs, nothing.
Checks the tyres, lights and everything is all sound.
Runs their details through the police national computer, no warrants, nothing, clean as a whistle.
He fines them £100 each.

Scousers say 'whats that for'?

Copper says 'wasting police time'
 
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