Jokes

[walsworth]

I finally managed to see my GP today and showed her the rash on my bum. She totally ignored me and carried on pushing her trolley round Tesco 's .

 

[Desert Orchid]

This is the angriest post I've seen on here in a while...

 

[pawras]

ha you haven't lived if you haven't been in the 'danger zone'

 

[yorick]

Glastonbury is my idea of hell on earth.

I'm afraid my days of loitering within tent are over. Not a fan.

 

[Len Madeiros]

An insult for the ages:

“Your dad shouts at hotels”.

 

[walsworth]

 

[walsworth]

I bought a chicken to make sandwiches.
It doesn't, it shits on the floor.

 

[walsworth]

I saved a young lady's life today, she was preparing to throw herself off a cliff.

I said, "Any chance of a quicky before you jump?
She called me a dirty old pervert and told me to get lost
I said "OK I'll just wait for you at the bottom."

She changed her mind!

 

[Jayhawk]

A woman is asleep on the tube when the train stops abruptly. She is started from her sleep and pitches across the carriage. In order to steady herself she falls into a man's lap and grabs the first thing to hand. Looking extremely embarrassed and worried that she might have missed her stop she glances around the carriage and says " Oh my god, is this Cockfosters ? " " No, pleased to meet you ma'am. Miller's the name ".

 

[pawras]

 

[pawras]

 

[Jayhawk]

 

[walsworth]

BREAKING NEWS:
Police have arrested a Danish man, Lars Crismos, on suspicion of human organ trafficking.