The Forum Doctor

Dear Dr Honest-Tom:

May I talk with you in absolute confidence, please? I should hate to discuss any unmentionables with you and find them plastered all over, say, a public website. I have recently found my desire to eat enormous amounts of fried foods, biscuits, chocolate, cake, and other sweet and fattening things decreasing. I'm seriously concerned that I may now lose a lot of weight and resemble what are called 'normal-sized people'. I have no idea how to get back my lost desires. Can you help, please?

Lady Herries
Littlehampton
West Sussex
 
Originally posted by krizon@Oct 14 2006, 01:14 AM
Dear Dr Honest-Tom:

May I talk with you in absolute confidence, please? I should hate to discuss any unmentionables with you and find them plastered all over, say, a public website. I have recently found my desire to eat enormous amounts of fried foods, biscuits, chocolate, cake, and other sweet and fattening things decreasing. I'm seriously concerned that I may now lose a lot of weight and resemble what are called 'normal-sized people'. I have no idea how to get back my lost desires. Can you help, please?

Lady Herries
Littlehampton
West Sussex
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Dear Lady Herries, if I was in government I would have thin people force fed as this would do away with all this thin / fat nonsense. In the meantime have a night out with Gearoid on the Guinness once a week as this will soon replace the lost lbs.
 
Originally posted by Ardross@Oct 13 2006, 10:44 PM
Dear Dr HT

I wired myself up to a lie detector machine tonight and when it asked is Dr Honest TOm a quack and a charlatan - I said NO .

At which point it went off the scale and fused the lights .

Considering your reliance on such means , you do not have to say anything but anything you do say may be taken down and used as evidence , if you fail to mention anything now that you rely upon in your evidence at trial then adverse inferences may be drawn from your failure to mention it now .
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Dear Ardross, I have passed your comments on to my legal parasite (once again, no offence intended - I mean that most sincerely). Expect to hear from him soon.
 
To the forumite who has had a pain in their stomach all day but thinks it will go away by itself.

You have caught a disease from infected meat. You will be dead by morning. Hope this helps.
 
Dear Dr Honest Tom

I have a dreadful ringing sound in my ears I can just about make out the words " all kinds of everything "

It has been suggested that i should sing through some tights or let some money rest in my account as a cure - are either of these remedies wise ?
 
Originally posted by Ardross@Oct 14 2006, 11:03 PM
Dear Dr Honest Tom

I have a dreadful ringing sound in my ears I can just about make out the words " all kinds of everything "

It has been suggested that i should sing through some tights or let some money rest in my account as a cure - are either of these remedies wise ?
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Dear Ardross,

I am sending you a prescription for an ankle sock.
 
Dear Dr. Honest Tom.

IF my problem was of a personal kind, is there a Dr. Honest Tom female assistant I could talk to please?
 
If plain old Google can do better than your GP then the Forum Doctor must be unbeatable. Of course, we have been aware of this for some time.


Google gives better diagnosis than your GP


IT may prove to be a better diagnostic tool than the stethoscope or the thermometer. Next time your doctor appears baffled when you're under the weather you could try suggesting he "Google for a diagnosis".

Researchers found that a simple Google search can crack the hardest diagnostic problems which foil even the best medical specialists.

Modern medicine is so complex that the average doctor, estimated to carry around two million medical facts in his head, does not have a big enough brain to be capable of identifying every ailment presented to the surgery or clinic.

But Google gives access to more than three billion medical articles on the web and may be the most powerful diagnostic aid available to doctors.

To test the value of it as a clinical tool, boffins in Brisbane University, Australia, selected 26 of the hardest cases and found the search engine got the correct diagnosis in more than half (58pc) - with just a few strokes of the keyboard.

Google rightly identified conditions ranging from the degenerative brain disorder Creutzfeldt-Jakob Disease (CJD) to Cat Scratch disease, an infection causing swelling of the lymph nodes after an animal scrape.

In the online version of the British Medical Journal the study team states: "The role of diagnostician remains one of the most challenging and fulfilling roles of a physician . . . Search engines allow quick access to an ever increasing knowledge base . . . Our study suggests that in difficult diagnostic cases, it is often useful to 'Google for a diagnosis.' . . . Doctors in training need to become proficient in [its] use."

The cases were taken from the New England Journal of Medicine which tests the diagnostic skills of its readers each week by asking them to judge what is wrong with a patient whose brief medical history and symptoms are given.

The researchers, who didn't know the correct diagnosis, entered between three and five search terms and selected the three most prominent results which Google threw up that seemed to fit the signs and symptoms.

In some cases they rejected the search engine's diagnosis as not being accurate. For example, it correctly identified extrinsic allergic alveolitis in a patient with breathing problems but did not specify it was 'hot tub lung' caused by Mycobacterium Avium, a bug that thrives in hot tubs, which are becoming more popular.

The authors acknowledge that they are not the first to discover the power of Google as a diagnostic aid - patients have been using it for years. (© Independent News Service)

Jeremy Laurance
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I would suggest that the googling needs to be done by someone with a decent medical backround to make it worthwhile. In the hands of amateurs every ailment can seem like a death sentence.

A competent GP can notice characteristics which the patient may not associate with their problem, the absence of which could lead google to turn up with shite.
 
Dear Dr. Mel.

I am taking Barney to be castrated on Monday to have his little Googlies removed. I jest not. Can you recommend something to ease his pain once he realises they are no longer attached? :blink: Can I fit him out with false Googlies perhaps? :blink:
 
I will not have other doctors moving on to my patch and attempting to poach my patients. Clear off you fkng amatuer. Googling indeed.
eek.gif
 
Dear Kathy, why are you having your husband castrated? Could you not just get him some incontenence pads?
 
Oh, there you are Dr. HT. You have been out on your rounds for days. :blink:

PLEASE can you help me with Barney's little Googlies?
 
I think our wires were crossed, Doctor Honest.

Barney is not my husband, he is a randy little furry fecker whose testicles I want as earrings. Can I get some strap ons for him if he gets stressed?

Oh, and for Barney can you recommend any pain relief?
 
Originally posted by Honest Tom@Nov 10 2006, 04:59 PM
Dear Kathy, you'd be better putting the poor animal through a mincer. Hope this helps.
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Right, that's the OH/Hubby sorted, now what do you suggest for Barney's pain relief? <_<
 
I should give him a few drops of whisky in his water, Kathy, which will dull any pain and quite possibly make the experience even feel worthwhile. Once the pain has disappeared, he should be given a variety of soft toys to diggle instead of frustrating himself with visitors' ankles. Just remember to launder the toys every so often to keep them, er, fresh.

Poor wee Barnacle - good luck, old boy.
 
The dirty deed has been done, and he is back home looking a little sore and spaced out. The vet's were brilliant. He should be running about playing football and annoying the cat within the next 24-48 hours. The cat has decided she may well take this opportunity to take her revenge :ph34r: whilst Barney is definitely not currently in the mood or physically able to retaliate.
 
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