Arse Cup

Brian
There is no doubt that The Listener is a better jumper than Darkness but Darkness engine is much superior,
these 2 are the best 2 novice chasers I have seen this seaosn but Darkness has the pole position in my list clearly at the moment.

The Listener will be better suited by a flat track and soft ground and is not a Festival horse for me.
 
C'mon play the game you 2!!! This is Thommo's thread, and surely serious debate and analysis has no place here, of all places. And whilst here, can Brain shed any light on the 'filter system' to be used at Ascot that Charlei Brooks approves of in this mornings paper, and appears to be attributing thus?
 
Originally posted by Venusian@Jan 1 2006, 07:09 PM
"Number ten is Mulligatawny and I don't mean the soup, I mean the horse".
Click to expand...

Brilliant.

To me that sums-up the difference between a top-class Arse legend like Thommo and the deliberate faux-arse of Chapman.

No amount of pre-meditated "yee-ha"s and waffling about "The Dazzler" and "The Weavershark" from Chapman can compete with Thommo's natural ability to ad-lib Arse comments in any situation.

He can out-arse days of Chapman's tomfoolery in "The Booth" with a single, suitably timed, one-liner.
 
Originally posted by Warbler@Jan 2 2006, 12:30 PM
And whilst here, can Brain shed any light on the 'filter system' to be used at Ascot that Charlei Brooks approves of in this mornings paper, and appears to be attributing thus?
Click to expand...
If you mean: "Those in tweed skirts will all be taken directly to the second floor, while the elevator with the upside-down mini-skirts and no shoes will only stop at the fourth floor", I can only say that it seems very sensible to me.
 
Relkeel - yes, I think you've made a good point there. Chaparse has had to force the pace, reach desperately for some clunking, lumpy attempts at wit, and is entirely persona-free. Tommo is the ISTABRAQ of arseness, as I think someone else on here once said - possibly Ardross - naturally fluent, takes any social hurdle in his stride, and even when he does crash out spectacularly, he's soon up on his feet, ready to charge towards the next expertly-crafted piece of pure arseness. A magnificent record, over any going, anywhere, under any conditions.

I have to laugh when Jonathan Neesom attends Lingfield: the first thing he does is to look in his card to see who the commentator is. There's always a howl of horror when it's Tommo!
 
More classic Tommo commentating on the 2.20 at Towcester:

'And here comes Gaye Dream on the outside creeping closer, still on the bit!'
He'd been shoved along for 3 furlongs and was being ridden vigorously at the time.

'And here comes The River Joker, he's not out of it yet!'
Err, yes he is Derek, he's dead on his feet and the front 2 are going away.
 
Yes, when he said a horse was on the bit I thought he was watching a different race.

There weren't many travelling on the bit up that BLOODY Towcester hill today.
 
Did anyone see Matt Chapman perving on Hayley Turner today? He was so cringeworthy when interviewing her at Wolverhampton - he was literally all over her like a rash. "The closest thing Wolverhampton will get to Jennifer Lopez today is you, Hayley..."he dribbled at her *shudder*. Slimy little git. What was even worse was he then went "back to Thommo in the studio" who carried on in the same vein. Hideous stuff!
 
"Yes, when he said a horse was on the bit I thought he was watching a different race"
It's only a matter of time before he says the bit was on the horse
 
I have another contender(s) for the Arse Cup : the two morons who dance about like lunatics with horses heads on and whoever came up with that marketing ploy; they want shooting - quick. :angry: :angry:
 
No, you can't blame them - they're only doing it for the money until a part in Emmerdale or Hollyoaks comes up. Shoot their employer by all means.




This egg will be scrambled and a little shaved smoke salmon added at breakfast time on 15th January

egg.jpg
 
An outstanding effort last night from Chappedarse at the Lesters, proving that if you put a monkey in a dinner suit, you still have just a monkey:

To Hayley Turner, picking up double Lesters for Best Apprentice and Best Lady Jockey: "Pat Eddery said your best attribute is you're good-looking" (proving you can manage two arses in one sentence); "Here are your sisters - they're all right!"; "This is meant in a complimentary way, but people say you don't look like a girl in a finish." (Right, Matt, it's something to do with not being 6 years old, but a well-trained, experienced, if young female.)

To Jim Culloty, picking up his Recognition award: "Hen and Terry - they're a couple of fruitcakes, aren't they?" JC's equilibrium in coping with that Giant Gong was estimable.

To Mattie Batchelor, picking up his Best Ride of the Year (and remember, this was staying intact after KING HARALD's major blooper at the last at Cheltenham): "Whether you've fallen in the turf, or whatever, you've always got a smile on your face..." (Which is nothing to the egg increasingly covering yours, Chappy.)

To Timmy Murphy: "You have had your problems... " (Will no-one ever feckin let him get past those? It's not so much yesterday's news, but last century's.)

Jamie Spencer was treated relatively sensibly and fortuitously for viewers, other award-gatherers were spared the Chapman Treatment. I've a few for this lunatic to try in future:

To Gay Kelleway: "So tell me, Gay, do you think being a lezzer makes you a tougher trainer than, say, Christine Dunnett?"

To Jessica Harrington: "For an older bird, you're coping quite well - didn't the menopause muck up your judgment a few times, though?"

To Henrietta Knight: "Now, this is meant in a complimentary way, but you're a bit of a nutter, aren't you? You know, all that fannying around with the going, and will-we won't-we rubbish - I don't know how BEST MATE managed to get by in spite of your methods."

To Paul Nicholls: "So, Paul, how does a big fat bloke like you manage to get round the yard and up on the gallops every day? Don't you find it mucks up your sex life a bit, too?"

Feel free to add your own suggestions for this magnificent arse to arske on your behalf some time.
 
Bless the dear horse, though - I couldn't believe he was still competing, let alone winning in a bog, with a monster weight to lump, too. I think Tommo was right to say he deserved the biggest cheer of the day, and I sure hope he got it.
 
It was a good performance from the 13 yeard old. Who would have thought a 13 year old, yes a 13 year old, well i never , is he 13 years old, yes he is 13 years old.
Just a taste, :D Thommo style.
 
Chapman is in really sickening form this morning, at the moment he is in the process of brown-nosing Britain's "master trainer"*, Philip Hobbs.

"Do we think Kicking King ran his race at Sandown?" :what:

Sick-bag, please!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


* would use the same phrase if he was talking to any other master trainer
 
Anyone hear Martin Dwyer just now with Thommo.

Ask (Steve) Drowney (who was driving Dwyer to Wolves) if he's going to ride a winner.

Dwyer gives Thommo Steve's reponse

'Piss off and mind your own business'


Classic,something we'd all like to do.
 
I've just got SKY recently so have only recently had to put up with Matt Chapman's arsery on a regular basis (though God knows I had enough of him via SiS). He was in sparkling arse form today punning pointlessly "Step into the Danger Zone!!!!" "Who wants a Temper Tantrum??!!" etc. Biggest crime (compounded by the captions) was referring to tomorrow's "Galmony Hurdle". How many times did Galmony win at Cheltenham then? He then referred to the race named after the dual Stayers Hurdle winner simply as the "Alo Duffin". Is he an idiot....wait, don't answer that.
 
Thommo asked 2 questions to Tom Scudamore going to the winners enclosure:

Would you have won it if the other horse had not fallen?

And then
Do you think this horse will win the Champion Hdl?



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