Arse Cup

Did anyone hear Plunks proclaiming to Nicky Richards that she'd "wet her pants" if someone bought her a nice horse? At least it was something to do with being bought a nice horse - the roar that went up in the office on hearing the opening part of her sentence drowned most of the rest of it out!
 
Chaparse talking to Declan McDonagh about his ride in the Irish Lincoln, urging him to make sure he rides him out for a place so that he can pick up on his e/w punt:

Chaparse <simulating riding a horse out>: "Just think Chappo, Chappo, Chappo!!"

McDonagh <barely audible>: "Oh God..."
 
I would have used the headline; "PAIN IN THE ARSE" for the below story, but the RP settled for "THOMMO NEEDLED". Enjoy...


From The Racing Post

Derek Thompson spent last night in hospital after an injury caused by a darning needle forced him to give up his commentary shift at Sedgefield.

His wife, Julie Thompson, said: "He's dropped a darning needle from the sewing tin and then stood on it. It went through his foot from one side to the other, but he didn't want to give up a day's pay, so he drove north with the needle still in his foot."

"He had the male version of pain, so it was a lot more painful than it should have been. But we had it x-rayed and he was taken in for surgery. He's come out of it fine, but a bit groggy."


What a tight Arse! He didn't want to lose a day's pay, so he drove from Newmarket to Sedgefield with a needle through his foot! And, apart from anything else, who the f*ck darns socks these days anyway? I generally pay about £4.99 for 7 pairs at M&S, so there's no chance of me being arsed to start darning the holey ones.
 
Yes, just what I was thinking, Relks! A 'darning needle' - I thought they'd be collectors' items by now! I get the sense that his wife has quite enjoyed this, though - the 'male version of pain' - love it! :D
 
I think it's sad that Thommo is resorting to self-injury in order to retain control over the arse cup. He obviously fears the rise of the Chaparse more than we thought.
 
When you think that Matt's Arse gets far less exposure than Thommo's you have to conclude that he is a serious contender for The Marester's Title.
 
He drove to Sedgefield :eek: With a darning needle going straight through his foot :eek: what a prat :laughing: I wonder if he's commited some kind of technical offence? What if he'd needed to perform an emergency stop and the reflex associated with the sudden pain of depressing the brake caused him to lift? Just an idea, anything to stop him

I can only assume he does follow his own tips if he needed the pay that badly :brows:
 
This is even more proof of how cheap he is. 1) that he actually owns a darning needle in his house while the rest of us just buy new socks and 2) that he is SO cheap he would rather drive to work with the bloody needy stuck thru his foot and collect his pay than go to hospital like a sensible normal person and lose the pay, but keep his foot!

Or maybe he is worried that if he takes a day off form work they will find some other jolly cheapskate to replace him.
 
I think it's a miracle to find a guy who in the first place knows what a darning needle is and an even greater feat to find one willing to use it! :D
 
I'd like to nominate the Arse that compiled the Turf Trivia question on Saturday's Morning Line.

Question: In the last 10 years, which 3 English jockeys have won The Grand National?

Mrs Relkeel looked on in amazement as I struggled with this one. I knew Richard Guest but, after that, I was fumbling about for answers that continued to escape me.

Towards the end of the ad break, Mrs Relkeel (knowing how I pride myself on my superb ability to get Turf Trivia questions right) started taunting me; "You call yourself a racing expert and yet you don't even know anything about The Grand National", etc etc.

Eventually, my attempt to find the remaining 2 answers became increasingly desperate. I admitted defeat and gave up.

Finally, I was put out of my misery, when the "answers" were revealed as..

Richard Guest
Tony Dobbin
Carl Llewellyn

shrug:: shrug:: shrug:: shrug:: shrug::

In case you are not aware, Tony Dobbin is from Northern Ireland, while Carl Llewellyn is Welsh. What a f*cking shambles!

I reckon, I've got more chance of winning one of those premium rate phone-line Play To Win games on ITV at 3am.
 
I'm a little concerned if you are staying up til 3am watching that,but as you say the turf trivia cock up sums up racing on terrestrial tv to a tee.
 
...and while we're having a pop at the makers of The Morning Line, could a member of the production team please inform Tanya that Kawagino has never been and will never be good enough to win a Grade 1 hurdle? In doing so, explain to her that this is why it always starts at a big price when it runs in one.

The horse has a fair amount of abilty, but Tanya should not use his recent credible 5th place in a sub-standard Aintree Hurdle as an excuse to keep wasting her charity bet money on it to win races it clearly can't (and, in the process, insult my intelligence by declaring that it is "massively overpriced")!
 
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