Jokes
- Thread starter Merlin the Magician
- Start date
Merlin the Magician
At the Start
TOPICAL IF NOTHING ELSE............ 
Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the pearly gates.
"In honour of this holy season," Saint Peter said, "you must each possess something that symbolizes Christmas to get into heaven."
The first man fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter. He flicked it on.
It represents a candle, he said.
You may pass through the pearly gates Saint Peter said.
The second man reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of keys.
He shook them and said, "They're bells."
Saint Peter said you may pass through the pearly gates.
The third man started searching desperately through his pockets and finally pulled out a pair of women's panties.
St. Peter looked at the man with a raised eyebrow and asked, "And just what do those symbolize?"
Wait for it…..
The man replied, "These are Carols."
Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the pearly gates.
"In honour of this holy season," Saint Peter said, "you must each possess something that symbolizes Christmas to get into heaven."
The first man fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter. He flicked it on.
It represents a candle, he said.
You may pass through the pearly gates Saint Peter said.
The second man reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of keys.
He shook them and said, "They're bells."
Saint Peter said you may pass through the pearly gates.
The third man started searching desperately through his pockets and finally pulled out a pair of women's panties.
St. Peter looked at the man with a raised eyebrow and asked, "And just what do those symbolize?"
Wait for it…..
The man replied, "These are Carols."
Lee Chater
At the Start
- Joined
- Oct 11, 2005
- Messages
- 366
A city cop was on his horse waiting to cross the street when a little girl stopped beside him on her shiny new bike.
Nice bike," the cop said, "Did Santa bring it to you?" "Yep," the little girl said, "He sure did!"
The cop looked the bike over and handed the girl a $20 ticket for a safety violation, saying, "Next year tell Santa to put a reflector light on the back of it."
The young girl looked up at the cop and said, "Nice horse you got there sir, did Santa bring it to you?" "Yes, he sure did," chuckled the cop.
The little girl looked up at the cop and said, "Next year tell Santa the dick goes underneath the horse, not on top.
Nice bike," the cop said, "Did Santa bring it to you?" "Yep," the little girl said, "He sure did!"
The cop looked the bike over and handed the girl a $20 ticket for a safety violation, saying, "Next year tell Santa to put a reflector light on the back of it."
The young girl looked up at the cop and said, "Nice horse you got there sir, did Santa bring it to you?" "Yes, he sure did," chuckled the cop.
The little girl looked up at the cop and said, "Next year tell Santa the dick goes underneath the horse, not on top.
Lee Chater
At the Start
- Joined
- Oct 11, 2005
- Messages
- 366
>>This is an authentic letter sent to Dear Deirdre of the Sun
>>Newspaper...!! and passed on by a mate living abroad
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
>>I am a sailor in the merchant navy. My parents live in Torry,
>>Aberdeen and one of my sisters is married to a guy from England. My
>>Father and Mother have recently been arrested for dealing crack
>>cocaine and are currently dependent on my two sisters, who are
>>prostitutes..
>>
>>I have two brothers, one is currently serving a non-parole life
>>sentence in Peterhead Prison for the rape & murder of a teenage boy
>>in 1994, the other currently being held in Craiginches on-remand
>>centre on charges of incest with his three children.
>>
>>I have recently become engaged to marry a former Latvian prostitute
>>who indeed is still a part-time working girl in a brothel. However,
>>her time there is limited as she has recently been infected with an
>>STD. We intend to marry as soon as possible and are currently
>>looking into the possibility of opening our own brothel with my
>>fiancée utilising her knowledge of the industry working as the
>>manager. I am hoping my two sisters would be interested in joining
>>our team. Although I would prefer them not to prostitute it would
>>at least get them off the streets and
>>hopefully the heroin.
>>
>>My problem is this:
>>I love my fiancée and look forward to bringing her into the family
>>and of course I want to be totally honest with her.
>>...
>>...
>>...
>>...
>>...
>>...
>>Should I tell her about my brother-in-law being English?
>>Newspaper...!! and passed on by a mate living abroad
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
>>I am a sailor in the merchant navy. My parents live in Torry,
>>Aberdeen and one of my sisters is married to a guy from England. My
>>Father and Mother have recently been arrested for dealing crack
>>cocaine and are currently dependent on my two sisters, who are
>>prostitutes..
>>
>>I have two brothers, one is currently serving a non-parole life
>>sentence in Peterhead Prison for the rape & murder of a teenage boy
>>in 1994, the other currently being held in Craiginches on-remand
>>centre on charges of incest with his three children.
>>
>>I have recently become engaged to marry a former Latvian prostitute
>>who indeed is still a part-time working girl in a brothel. However,
>>her time there is limited as she has recently been infected with an
>>STD. We intend to marry as soon as possible and are currently
>>looking into the possibility of opening our own brothel with my
>>fiancée utilising her knowledge of the industry working as the
>>manager. I am hoping my two sisters would be interested in joining
>>our team. Although I would prefer them not to prostitute it would
>>at least get them off the streets and
>>hopefully the heroin.
>>
>>My problem is this:
>>I love my fiancée and look forward to bringing her into the family
>>and of course I want to be totally honest with her.
>>...
>>...
>>...
>>...
>>...
>>...
>>Should I tell her about my brother-in-law being English?
Lee Chater
At the Start
- Joined
- Oct 11, 2005
- Messages
- 366
Subject: FW: CALL CENTRE CONVERSATION
> >>> Actual call centre conversations !!!!!
> >>> Customer: "I've been ringing 0700 2300 for two days and
> >>>can't get through to enquiries, can you help?".
> >>> Operator: "Where did you get that number from, sir?".
> >>> Customer: "It was on the door to the Travel Centre".
> >>> Operator: "Sir, they are our opening hours".
> >>>
> >>>
> >>>*------------------------------------------------------------------
> >>> Samsung Electronics
> >>> Caller: "Can you give me the telephone number for
> >>>Jack?"
> >>> Operator: "I'm sorry, sir, I don't understand who you
> >>>are talking about".
> >>> Caller: "On page 1, section 5, of the user guide
> >>>it clearly
> >>> states that I need to unplug the fax machine from the AC
> >>>wall socket and
> >>> telephone Jack before cleaning. Now, can you give me the
> >>>number for Jack?"
> >>> Operator: "I think you mean the telephone point on the
> >>>wall".
> >>>
> >>>
> >>>---------------------------------------------------------------------
>-
> >>>
> >>> RAC Motoring Services
> >>> Caller: "Does your European Breakdown Policy cover
> >>>me when I
> >>> am travelling in Australia?"
> >>> Operator: " Doesn't the product give you a clue?"
> >>>
> >>>
> >>>---------------------------------------------------------------------
>-
> >>>
> >>> Caller (enquiring about legal requirements while travelling
> >>>in France):
> >>> "If I register my car in France, do I have to change the
> >>>steering
> >>> wheel to the other side of the car?"
> >>>
> >>>
> >>>---------------------------------------------------------------------
>-
> >>>
> >>> Directory Enquiries
> >>> Caller: "I'd like the number of the Argoed
> >>>Fish Bar in Cardiff please".
> >>> Operator: "I'm sorry, there's no listing. Is the
> >>>spelling correct?"
> >>> Caller: "Well, it used to be called the
> >>>Bargoed Fish Bar but the 'B' fell off".
> >>>
> >>>
> >>>---------------------------------------------------------------------
>-
> >>>
> >>> Then there was the caller who asked for a knitwear company
> >>>in Woven.
> >>> Operator: "Woven? Are you sure?"
> >>> Caller: "Yes. That's what it says on the label;
> >>>Woven in Scotland".
> >>>
> >>>
> >>>---------------------------------------------------------------------
>-
> >>>
> >>> On another occasion, a man making heavy breathing sounds
> >>>from a phone
> >>> box told a worried operator: "I haven't got a pen, so I'm
> >>>steaming up
> >>> the window to write the number on".
> >>>
> >>>
> >>>---------------------------------------------------------------------
>-
> >>>
> >>> Tech Support: "I need you to right-click on the Open
> >>>Desktop".
> >>> Customer: "OK".
> >>> Tech Support: "Did you get a pop-up menu?".
> >>> Customer: "No".
> >>> Tech Support: "OK. Right-Click again. Do you see a
> >>>pop-up menu?"
> >>> Customer: "No".
> >>> Tech Support: "OK, sir. Can you tell me what you have
> >>>done up until this point?".
> >>> Customer: "Sure. You told me to write 'click'
> >>>and I wrote 'click'".
> >>>
> >>>
> >>>---------------------------------------------------------------------
>-
> >>>
> >>> Tech Support: "OK. In the bottom left hand side of
> >>>the screen, can you see the 'OK' button displayed?"
> >>> Customer: "Wow. How can you see my screen from
> >>>there?"
> >>>
> >>>
> >>>---------------------------------------------------------------------
>-
> >>>
> >>> Caller: "I deleted a file from my PC last week and I have
> >>>just
> >>> realised that I need it. If I turn my system clock back two
> >>>weeks will I have
> >>> my file back again?".
> >>>
> >>>
> >>>---------------------------------------------------------------------
> >>> There's always one. This has got to be one of the funniest
> >>>things in
> >>> a long time. I think this guy should have been promoted,
> >>>not fired.
> >>> This is a true story from the Word Perfect Helpline, which
> >>>was transcribed
> >>> from a recording monitoring the customer care department.
> >>>Needless to
> >>> say the Help Desk employee was fired; however, he/she is
> >>>currently
> >>> suing the Word Perfect organization for "Termination
> >>>without Cause".
> >>> Actual dialogue of a former WordPerfect Customer Support
> >>>employee.
> >>> (Now I know why they record these conversations!):
> >>>
> >>> Operator: "Ridge Hall, computer assistance; may I
> >>>help you?"
> >>> Caller: "Yes, well, I'm having trouble with
> >>>WordPerfect."
> >>> Operator: "What sort of trouble??"
> >>> Caller: "Well, I was just typing along, and all
> >>>of a sudden the words went away."
> >>>
> >>> Operator: "Went away?"
> >>> Caller: "They disappeared."
> >>> Operator: "Hmm. So what does your screen look like
> >>>now?"
> >>> Caller: "Nothing."
> >>> Operator: "Nothing??"
> >>> Caller: "It's blank; it won't accept anything
> >>>when I type."
> >>> Operator: "Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you
> >>>get out??"
> >>> Caller: "How do I tell?"
> >>> Operator: "Can you see the C: prompt on the
> >>>screen??"
> >>> Caller: "What's a sea-prompt?"
> >>> Operator: "Never mind, can you move your cursor
> >>>around the screen?"
> >>> Caller: "There isn't any cursor: I told you,
> >>>it won't accept anything I type."
> >>> Operator: "Does your monitor have a power
> >>>indicator??"
> >>> Caller: "What's a monitor?"
> >>> Operator: "It's the thing with the screen on it
> >>>that looks
> >>> like a TV. Does it have a little light
> >>>that tells you when it's on?"
> >>> Caller: "I don't know."
> >>> Operator: "Well, then look on the back of the
> >>>monitor and
> >>> find where the power cord goes into it.
> >>>Can you see that??"
> >>> Caller: "Yes, I think so."
> >>> Operator: "Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and
> >>>tell me if it's plugged into the wall.
> >>> Caller: "Yes, it is."
> >>> Operator: "When you were behind the monitor, did
> >>>you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it,
>not
> >>>just one??"
> >>> Caller: "No."
> >>> Operator: "Well, there are. I need you to look
> >>>back there again and find the other cable."
> >>> Caller: "Okay, here it is."
> >>> Operator: "Follow it for me, and tell me if it's
> >>>plugged securely into the back of your computer."
> >>> Caller: "I can't reach."
> >>> Operator: "Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is??"
> >>> Caller: "No."
> >>> Operator: "Even if you maybe put your knee on
> >>>something and lean way over??"
> >>> Caller: "Oh, it's not because I don't have
> >>>the right
> >>> angle - it's because it's dark."
> >>> Operator: "Dark??"
> >>> Caller: "Yes - the office light is off, and
> >>>the only light I have is coming in from the window."
> >>> Operator: "Well, turn on the office light then."
> >>> Caller: "I can't."
> >>> Operator: "No? Why not??"
> >>> Caller: "Because there's a power failure."
> >>> Operator: "A power............ A power failure?
> >>>Aha, Okay, we've got it licked now. Do you still have the boxes and
> >>>manuals and packing stuff your computer came in??"
> >>> Caller: "Well, yes, I keep them in the
> >>>closet."
> >>> Operator: "Good. Go get them, and unplug your
> >>>system and pack it up just like it was when you got it.
> >>> Then take it back to the store you bought it from."
> >>> Caller: "Really? Is it that bad?"
> >>> Operator: "Yes, I'm afraid it is."
> >>> Caller: "Well, all right then, I suppose.
> >>>What do I tell them??"
> >>> Operator: "Tell them you're too f*%king stupid
> >>>to own a computer!!!!!"
> >>> Actual call centre conversations !!!!!
> >>> Customer: "I've been ringing 0700 2300 for two days and
> >>>can't get through to enquiries, can you help?".
> >>> Operator: "Where did you get that number from, sir?".
> >>> Customer: "It was on the door to the Travel Centre".
> >>> Operator: "Sir, they are our opening hours".
> >>>
> >>>
> >>>*------------------------------------------------------------------
> >>> Samsung Electronics
> >>> Caller: "Can you give me the telephone number for
> >>>Jack?"
> >>> Operator: "I'm sorry, sir, I don't understand who you
> >>>are talking about".
> >>> Caller: "On page 1, section 5, of the user guide
> >>>it clearly
> >>> states that I need to unplug the fax machine from the AC
> >>>wall socket and
> >>> telephone Jack before cleaning. Now, can you give me the
> >>>number for Jack?"
> >>> Operator: "I think you mean the telephone point on the
> >>>wall".
> >>>
> >>>
> >>>---------------------------------------------------------------------
>-
> >>>
> >>> RAC Motoring Services
> >>> Caller: "Does your European Breakdown Policy cover
> >>>me when I
> >>> am travelling in Australia?"
> >>> Operator: " Doesn't the product give you a clue?"
> >>>
> >>>
> >>>---------------------------------------------------------------------
>-
> >>>
> >>> Caller (enquiring about legal requirements while travelling
> >>>in France):
> >>> "If I register my car in France, do I have to change the
> >>>steering
> >>> wheel to the other side of the car?"
> >>>
> >>>
> >>>---------------------------------------------------------------------
>-
> >>>
> >>> Directory Enquiries
> >>> Caller: "I'd like the number of the Argoed
> >>>Fish Bar in Cardiff please".
> >>> Operator: "I'm sorry, there's no listing. Is the
> >>>spelling correct?"
> >>> Caller: "Well, it used to be called the
> >>>Bargoed Fish Bar but the 'B' fell off".
> >>>
> >>>
> >>>---------------------------------------------------------------------
>-
> >>>
> >>> Then there was the caller who asked for a knitwear company
> >>>in Woven.
> >>> Operator: "Woven? Are you sure?"
> >>> Caller: "Yes. That's what it says on the label;
> >>>Woven in Scotland".
> >>>
> >>>
> >>>---------------------------------------------------------------------
>-
> >>>
> >>> On another occasion, a man making heavy breathing sounds
> >>>from a phone
> >>> box told a worried operator: "I haven't got a pen, so I'm
> >>>steaming up
> >>> the window to write the number on".
> >>>
> >>>
> >>>---------------------------------------------------------------------
>-
> >>>
> >>> Tech Support: "I need you to right-click on the Open
> >>>Desktop".
> >>> Customer: "OK".
> >>> Tech Support: "Did you get a pop-up menu?".
> >>> Customer: "No".
> >>> Tech Support: "OK. Right-Click again. Do you see a
> >>>pop-up menu?"
> >>> Customer: "No".
> >>> Tech Support: "OK, sir. Can you tell me what you have
> >>>done up until this point?".
> >>> Customer: "Sure. You told me to write 'click'
> >>>and I wrote 'click'".
> >>>
> >>>
> >>>---------------------------------------------------------------------
>-
> >>>
> >>> Tech Support: "OK. In the bottom left hand side of
> >>>the screen, can you see the 'OK' button displayed?"
> >>> Customer: "Wow. How can you see my screen from
> >>>there?"
> >>>
> >>>
> >>>---------------------------------------------------------------------
>-
> >>>
> >>> Caller: "I deleted a file from my PC last week and I have
> >>>just
> >>> realised that I need it. If I turn my system clock back two
> >>>weeks will I have
> >>> my file back again?".
> >>>
> >>>
> >>>---------------------------------------------------------------------
> >>> There's always one. This has got to be one of the funniest
> >>>things in
> >>> a long time. I think this guy should have been promoted,
> >>>not fired.
> >>> This is a true story from the Word Perfect Helpline, which
> >>>was transcribed
> >>> from a recording monitoring the customer care department.
> >>>Needless to
> >>> say the Help Desk employee was fired; however, he/she is
> >>>currently
> >>> suing the Word Perfect organization for "Termination
> >>>without Cause".
> >>> Actual dialogue of a former WordPerfect Customer Support
> >>>employee.
> >>> (Now I know why they record these conversations!):
> >>>
> >>> Operator: "Ridge Hall, computer assistance; may I
> >>>help you?"
> >>> Caller: "Yes, well, I'm having trouble with
> >>>WordPerfect."
> >>> Operator: "What sort of trouble??"
> >>> Caller: "Well, I was just typing along, and all
> >>>of a sudden the words went away."
> >>>
> >>> Operator: "Went away?"
> >>> Caller: "They disappeared."
> >>> Operator: "Hmm. So what does your screen look like
> >>>now?"
> >>> Caller: "Nothing."
> >>> Operator: "Nothing??"
> >>> Caller: "It's blank; it won't accept anything
> >>>when I type."
> >>> Operator: "Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you
> >>>get out??"
> >>> Caller: "How do I tell?"
> >>> Operator: "Can you see the C: prompt on the
> >>>screen??"
> >>> Caller: "What's a sea-prompt?"
> >>> Operator: "Never mind, can you move your cursor
> >>>around the screen?"
> >>> Caller: "There isn't any cursor: I told you,
> >>>it won't accept anything I type."
> >>> Operator: "Does your monitor have a power
> >>>indicator??"
> >>> Caller: "What's a monitor?"
> >>> Operator: "It's the thing with the screen on it
> >>>that looks
> >>> like a TV. Does it have a little light
> >>>that tells you when it's on?"
> >>> Caller: "I don't know."
> >>> Operator: "Well, then look on the back of the
> >>>monitor and
> >>> find where the power cord goes into it.
> >>>Can you see that??"
> >>> Caller: "Yes, I think so."
> >>> Operator: "Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and
> >>>tell me if it's plugged into the wall.
> >>> Caller: "Yes, it is."
> >>> Operator: "When you were behind the monitor, did
> >>>you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it,
>not
> >>>just one??"
> >>> Caller: "No."
> >>> Operator: "Well, there are. I need you to look
> >>>back there again and find the other cable."
> >>> Caller: "Okay, here it is."
> >>> Operator: "Follow it for me, and tell me if it's
> >>>plugged securely into the back of your computer."
> >>> Caller: "I can't reach."
> >>> Operator: "Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is??"
> >>> Caller: "No."
> >>> Operator: "Even if you maybe put your knee on
> >>>something and lean way over??"
> >>> Caller: "Oh, it's not because I don't have
> >>>the right
> >>> angle - it's because it's dark."
> >>> Operator: "Dark??"
> >>> Caller: "Yes - the office light is off, and
> >>>the only light I have is coming in from the window."
> >>> Operator: "Well, turn on the office light then."
> >>> Caller: "I can't."
> >>> Operator: "No? Why not??"
> >>> Caller: "Because there's a power failure."
> >>> Operator: "A power............ A power failure?
> >>>Aha, Okay, we've got it licked now. Do you still have the boxes and
> >>>manuals and packing stuff your computer came in??"
> >>> Caller: "Well, yes, I keep them in the
> >>>closet."
> >>> Operator: "Good. Go get them, and unplug your
> >>>system and pack it up just like it was when you got it.
> >>> Then take it back to the store you bought it from."
> >>> Caller: "Really? Is it that bad?"
> >>> Operator: "Yes, I'm afraid it is."
> >>> Caller: "Well, all right then, I suppose.
> >>>What do I tell them??"
> >>> Operator: "Tell them you're too f*%king stupid
> >>>to own a computer!!!!!"
qzy
At the Start
- Joined
- Jan 5, 2005
- Messages
- 805
Vodka & Red bull Christmas Cake
Ingredients:
1 cup water
1 cup of brown sugar
1 tsp baking soda
4 large eggs
1 bottle of Vodka
2 cups dried fruit
1 cup of sugar
lemon juice
nuts
Method:
1. Sample the Vodka to check the quality
2. Take a large bowl, check the Vodka again.
3. To be sure its of the highest quality, pour one shot glass full and immerse in a little red bull and drink fast in one go.
4. Repeat
5. Turn on the electric mixer, beat one cup of butter in a
largebowl
6. Add teaspoon of sugar, beat again
7. At this point its is best to make sure the Vodka is still ok
8. Flavour with red bull to taste (optional)
9. Try another cup- just in case turn off the mixerer
10. Break 2 leggs and add to the bowl and chuck in the cup of
dried fruit
11. Pick fruit up off floor
12. Mix on the turner
13. If the dried fruit gets stuck in the beaterers, pry it
loose
with a drewscriver
14. Shample the Vodka to check for tonsisticitity, flavour
with a little Bed Rull
15. Next ssiffft two cups of salt. Or somehting... Who
givesshz a shi **
16. Throw a pinch of Bed Rull over your shoulder
17. Pick up the can, mop the flpoor
18. Check the Vodka baby yeeeeeeaaaaaahhh!!
19. Now shift the lemon juice and strain your nuts
20. Add one table
21. Add a shpoon of shugar, or somefink. Whatever you can
find
22. Turn the cake tin 360 degrees and try not to fall over...
23. Don't forget to beat off the turner
24. Finally, throw the bowl through the window, finish the
Vodka
25. Fall into bed
Ingredients:
1 cup water
1 cup of brown sugar
1 tsp baking soda
4 large eggs
1 bottle of Vodka
2 cups dried fruit
1 cup of sugar
lemon juice
nuts
Method:
1. Sample the Vodka to check the quality
2. Take a large bowl, check the Vodka again.
3. To be sure its of the highest quality, pour one shot glass full and immerse in a little red bull and drink fast in one go.
4. Repeat
5. Turn on the electric mixer, beat one cup of butter in a
largebowl
6. Add teaspoon of sugar, beat again
7. At this point its is best to make sure the Vodka is still ok
8. Flavour with red bull to taste (optional)
9. Try another cup- just in case turn off the mixerer
10. Break 2 leggs and add to the bowl and chuck in the cup of
dried fruit
11. Pick fruit up off floor
12. Mix on the turner
13. If the dried fruit gets stuck in the beaterers, pry it
loose
with a drewscriver
14. Shample the Vodka to check for tonsisticitity, flavour
with a little Bed Rull
15. Next ssiffft two cups of salt. Or somehting... Who
givesshz a shi **
16. Throw a pinch of Bed Rull over your shoulder
17. Pick up the can, mop the flpoor
18. Check the Vodka baby yeeeeeeaaaaaahhh!!
19. Now shift the lemon juice and strain your nuts
20. Add one table
21. Add a shpoon of shugar, or somefink. Whatever you can
find
22. Turn the cake tin 360 degrees and try not to fall over...
23. Don't forget to beat off the turner
24. Finally, throw the bowl through the window, finish the
Vodka
25. Fall into bed
trudij
Senior Jockey
break two LEGGS ????? :blink:
qzy
At the Start
- Joined
- Jan 5, 2005
- Messages
- 805
I didn't know where to post this, but it made me smile. Needs sound....
http://www.thecompassgroup.biz/merryxmas.swf
http://www.thecompassgroup.biz/merryxmas.swf
Almost all of the jokes are unsuitable for here but I received the bumper book of sick jokes as a secret santa gift today. Very funny if very racist, ageist, sexist, anti-religion. Here's one of the less offensive ones
Q - What do you do if a kitten spits at you?
A - Turn the grill down
Q - What do you do if a kitten spits at you?
A - Turn the grill down
Merlin the Magician
At the Start
You'll cause CAT-OSTROPHE on here PEE....... with all the pussy lovers on here?? 
Lee Chater
At the Start
- Joined
- Oct 11, 2005
- Messages
- 366
gzy, I really like that one :lol:
Merlin the Magician
At the Start
Everyone knows that if you are going to operate a business in today’s world you need a domain name. It is advisable to look at the domain name selected as other see it and not just as you think it looks. Failure to do this may result in situations such as the following (legitimate) companies who deal in everyday humdrum products and services but clearly didn’t give their domain names enough consideration:
1. A site called ‘Who Represents‘ where you can find the name of the agent that represents a celebrity. Their domain name… wait for it… is
www.whorepresents.com
2. Experts Exchange, a knowledge base where programmers can exchange advice and views at
www.expertsexchange.com
3. Looking for a pen? Look no further than Pen Island at
www.penisland.net
4. Need a therapist? Try Therapist Finder at
www.therapistfinder.com
5. Then of course, there’s the Italian Power Generator company…
www.powergenitalia.com
6. And now, we have the Mole Station Native Nursery, based in New South Wales:
www.molestationnursery.com
7. If you’re looking for computer software, there’s always
www.ipanywhere.com
8. Welcome to the First Cumming Methodist Church. Their website is
www.cummingfirst.com
9. Then, of course, there’s these brainless art designers, and their whacky website:
www.speedofart.com
10. Want to holiday in Lake Tahoe? Try their brochure website at
www.gotahoe.com
1. A site called ‘Who Represents‘ where you can find the name of the agent that represents a celebrity. Their domain name… wait for it… is
www.whorepresents.com
2. Experts Exchange, a knowledge base where programmers can exchange advice and views at
www.expertsexchange.com
3. Looking for a pen? Look no further than Pen Island at
www.penisland.net
4. Need a therapist? Try Therapist Finder at
www.therapistfinder.com
5. Then of course, there’s the Italian Power Generator company…
www.powergenitalia.com
6. And now, we have the Mole Station Native Nursery, based in New South Wales:
www.molestationnursery.com
7. If you’re looking for computer software, there’s always
www.ipanywhere.com
8. Welcome to the First Cumming Methodist Church. Their website is
www.cummingfirst.com
9. Then, of course, there’s these brainless art designers, and their whacky website:
www.speedofart.com
10. Want to holiday in Lake Tahoe? Try their brochure website at
www.gotahoe.com
BrianH
At the Start
Thanks for putting it up, I love it! I've just been sending it all over the world.
Lee Chater
At the Start
- Joined
- Oct 11, 2005
- Messages
- 366
You echoed my words Brian, I have it on my desktop and have played it every day.
I love Santa's leg movements and the way he introduces one of his reindeers in to do his solo :lol:
I love Santa's leg movements and the way he introduces one of his reindeers in to do his solo :lol:
Merlin the Magician
At the Start
I had it sent me via email last week....................its the best jingle I have seen for yonks ........will it make number one????????????? 
Merlin the Magician
At the Start
seasonal I suppose??? but, who mentioned Ardross then!! Not me............
BrianH
At the Start
Merlin the Magician
At the Start
:lol: The diamonds are for ever................
One I stole from F-F its an oldie sort of joke, but still brings a smile to ones face...........
Bin men were out doing their usual Christmas rounds, taking everything without complaint in the hope of getting a tip. They were emptying a bin at one house when a buxom blonde appeared and proceeded to sh*g each bin man in turn. Having finished with them she went to the driver in the cab and gave him £20. Now the guy had been watching proceedings and asked the blonde why she'd given him £20 and let the rest sh*g her. Her reply was, "I'm doing what my husband told me to. Before he went to work he told me when the bin men came, to give the driver £20 and f*ck the rest" 
One I stole from F-F its an oldie sort of joke, but still brings a smile to ones face...........
Bin men were out doing their usual Christmas rounds, taking everything without complaint in the hope of getting a tip. They were emptying a bin at one house when a buxom blonde appeared and proceeded to sh*g each bin man in turn. Having finished with them she went to the driver in the cab and gave him £20. Now the guy had been watching proceedings and asked the blonde why she'd given him £20 and let the rest sh*g her. Her reply was, "I'm doing what my husband told me to. Before he went to work he told me when the bin men came, to give the driver £20 and f*ck the rest"
Lee Chater
At the Start
- Joined
- Oct 11, 2005
- Messages
- 366
I had a bunch of US dollars I needed to exchange, so I went to the currency exchange window at the local bank.
Short line. Just one guy in front of me...an Asian guy who was trying to exchange yen for pounds and he was a little irritated.
He asked the teller, "Why it change?? Yestoday, I get two hunat dolla for yen. Today I get hunat eighty?? Why it change?"
The teller shrugged his shoulders and said, "Fluctuations".
The Asian guy says, "Fluc you white people too!"
Short line. Just one guy in front of me...an Asian guy who was trying to exchange yen for pounds and he was a little irritated.
He asked the teller, "Why it change?? Yestoday, I get two hunat dolla for yen. Today I get hunat eighty?? Why it change?"
The teller shrugged his shoulders and said, "Fluctuations".
The Asian guy says, "Fluc you white people too!"